.I probably shouldn't post a joke like this, even if and 80 year old sister told it to me.
-- Edited by Mahonri at 02:46, 2007-02-10
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no unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing... the truth of God will go forth till it has penetrated every website, sounded in every ear, till the purposes of God shall be accomplished and the great Jehovah shall say the work is done
Usually being the butt of jokes myself, I have no butt joke I can contribute...
One of the funniest things I ever saw was a part of the Mr. Bean episode "Mind The Baby, Mr. Bean." Bean ends up watching this baby whose carriage accidently gets stuck to the back of his car on Bean's way to an amusement park. Since he has no idea who the mother is, he can't just leave it alone. At one point in his day at the park, he notices the baby needs a diaper change but there are no diapers in the carriage. So, he goes to a midway game, wins a bear prize, rips the stuffing out and sticks the bear's body on the kid's bum... Meanwhile, Bean disposes of the dirty diaper by setting it on deck of the ride behind him, and as the ride starts up, the dirty diaper gets flung all over the park, landing in someone's face on the ride, who then rips it off and flings it where it lands on someone on the roller coaster, and so on and so on until it lands on some guys ice cream cone when he isn't looking and the guy turns around and goes in for a bite...
I was laughing so hard I was crying, had fallen out of the chair, and for about 15 minutes could not get the laughing entirerly under control... When they say and , this was it! Needless to say, I was having a hard time getting any oxygen in as I was laughing so hard and Mrs. Cat Herder was starting to get worried.
The next day at work as I was trying to describe the scene from Mr. Bean to my coworkers, it again took about 15 minutes to describe the 30 second sequence of events because I couldn't keep from laughing uncontrollably. I'm still not sure if their laughter was at the scene I described or my antics at trying to tell it in a semi-intelligent manner!
Needless to say, just thinking about the particular scene gets me giggling.
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It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."
In an old "Bloom County" comic strip, the daper and professional musical romantic (Opus the Penguin) takes center stage. After a somber moment in which he gathers himself together, he begins to play, by blasting out something on a tuba, and then shouting at the top of his lungs:
"Hey big mama I'm a-leavin' you. You look like a horse and you gargle lavoris. But don't be blue don't have no remorse--even Marie Osmond is gettin' a divorce!"
The funniest thing I've ever seen, is the look on Opus' face as he plays his tuba.
Two muffins were sitting in an oven, and the first looks over to the second, and says, "Man it's really hot in here!" The second looks over at the first with a surprised look, and answers, "HOLY COW, a talking muffin!"
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Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you.
— Oscar Wilde
I actually knew about it long before the Muffin Club even existed!
Actually some people say it's only funny because of how I tell it. I don't know what I do, I just tell it how it is to me.
It's just funny because a talking muffin freaks out about hearing a talking muffin. Then I wonder if they both die, or if the baking process is like them growing up, and muffins are born once the batter enters the separate cups. Interesting, eh?
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Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you.
— Oscar Wilde
No, no. That's the funniest part of the joke. You keep expecting the punchline...but all the monkeys are just dead. The more iterations it has, the more you expect a different answer...which makes it funnier when you don't get what you expected.
It is kind of like a joke that some of my buddies told me in junior high about a camel and a jackass (donkey) walking in the desert, and the donkey asks the camel how much longer it is going to be until they get to the oasis cuz he is dieing of thirst. The camel responds "Patience jackass, patience!" They then keep walking and after about another hour, again the donkey asks how much longer and the camel responds the same way. Well, this keeps on going and going. In fact, the guys telling me the joke were laughing at each iteration because I was patiently listening. And we had almost walked the whole mile or so home from the JH school to the neighborhood our we lived in, and so I finally asked "Man this is a long joke, when's the punchline?" The response was "Patience jackass, patience!"
I punched the guy in the arm realizing what a sucker I'd been and we had a really good laugh!
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It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."
Because in an effort to be different, he stapled his lower lip to the back of a live chicken, instead of piercing it like all the other Goth Teenager zombie sheep children...
--Ray
PS> Okay, I just made that joke up... It's a bit wordy...
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I'm not slow; I'm special. (Don't take it personally, everyone finds me offensive. Yet somehow I manage to live with myself.)
A businessman who had just relocated his store to a new location received a bouquet of flowers with a tag attached that read "Rest in Peace".
Not terribly bothered, he decided to ring the florist shop anyway, just to let them know of the error.
The flower shop owner was bothered. He thanked the businessman for the call and said: "I guess I mixed up your tag with that on another bouquet I sent to a funeral that read "We are all delighted you are finally in your new location"."
and 
I've heard that one before too. 
