"Look back on our struggle for freedom, trace our present day's strength to its source, and you'll find that man's pathway to glory is strewn with the bones of a horse."
- Anonymous
A blonde executive enters a plane and sits down in first class. The stewardess approaches her and asks her to move to coach, since that is what her ticket is for. She answers, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I'm professional, and I'm going to Hawaii in first class!" The stewardess enlists the aid of another flight attendant, and they tell her together that the she must move to the coach section. Again she says, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I'm professional, and I'm going to Hawaii in first class!" At this point they ask the pilot for help. He goes over and talks to the blonde. After they talk, the blonde moves back into the coach section. The stewardess is amazed, and asks the pilot what he said. "It's simple; I told her that this part of the plane was going to New York, not Hawaii."
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If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude than the animated contest of freedom, go from us in peace. May your chains sit lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen! - Samuel Adams
A blonde girl and her boyfriend were driving one night and he was wondering if he was having trouble with his turn signal. He asked her to stick her head out the window and tell him if the signal was working. She did, and told him, "Yes...no...yes...no...yes."
I used to have a whole bunch of these jokes at the ready. I'll have to dig into the recesses of my brunette brain.
"Look back on our struggle for freedom, trace our present day's strength to its source, and you'll find that man's pathway to glory is strewn with the bones of a horse."
- Anonymous
An attractive blonde settles into her seat on the airplane, looking forward to a few hours of sleep. A lawyer in the seat next to her keeps trying to start a conversation. Exasperated, the blonde finally says, "Let's play a game. If I ask you a question you can't answer, you owe me $20. If you ask me a question I can't answer, I owe you $20." The lawyer figures that hey, she's a blonde, so this should be an easy $20.
The blonde asks, "How many new species of insects have been discovered in the Amazon over the last 10 years?" The lawyer plugs his laptop into the provided internet port and for the next 3 hours searches every database he can think of while the blonde rests peacefully. As the airplane enters approach, the lawyer dutifully powers off his laptop and gives the blonde $20. He says, "Okay. That's my question: How many new species of insects have been discovered?" The blonde yawns and replies, "I have no idea. Here's your $20 back."
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The ability to qualify for, receive, and act on personal revelation is the single most important skill that can be acquired in this life. - Julie Beck
hey... wait a sec... this isn't a blonde joke!? This is a lawyer joke. I may have to ban you Roper... and use my moderating powers to crush your bones into powder to make my bread... In fact it makes the blonde look good... you wouldn't happen to BE a blonde would you!?
--Ray
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I'm not slow; I'm special. (Don't take it personally, everyone finds me offensive. Yet somehow I manage to live with myself.)
Same blonde construction workers (how come I never see them in real life?) run out of 2x4s so they go to buy more. The sales guy says, "We got 'em in all lengths. How long do you want 'em?" The blondes whisper together then one pipes up, "We want them for a long time."
The blondes go to pay for the lumber but it rings up more than they expected. One asks the cashier, "What's the extra charge for?" "Tax," replies the cashier. The second blonde chimes in, "No thank you, we're using nails."
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The ability to qualify for, receive, and act on personal revelation is the single most important skill that can be acquired in this life. - Julie Beck
Three Blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol.
The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?"
The blondes all nodded.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities, such as scars and so forth." So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds.
"Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man ?"
The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"
The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"
The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"
"Yes! He only has one ear!"
The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear!! You're excused too!"
The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but..." He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"
The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."
The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder.
He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled _expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you
tell that by looking at his picture?"
The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Helloooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses.
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If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude than the animated contest of freedom, go from us in peace. May your chains sit lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen! - Samuel Adams
Cruel, arbilad, very cruel. 
