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Unofficial census


1. _____________________ (Given name)

2. _____________________ (SURNAME)

3. Descendant of:

A. Brigham Young _____

B. Heber C. Kimball _____

C. Laman and Lemuel _____

D. Cain _____

4. Tribe of Israel : _____________________

5. Number of occupants residing in home in each category:

(Listed in chronological order)

A. Nursery _____

B. Junior Primary _____

C. Senior Primary _____

D. Young Women's _____

E. Young Men's _____

F. Relief Society _____

G. Elder _____

H. Dearly Departed _____

I. High Priest _____

6. Occupation [Please select all that apply]:

A. Amway dealer _____

B. Shaklee dealer _____

C. Nonie juice dealer _____

D. Nu-Skin dealer _____

E. Melaleuca dealer _____

F. Tupperware dealer

G. Mary Kaye Cosmetics dealer

7. Automobile:

A. Station Wagon _____

B. Van _____

C. Suburban _____

D. School Bus _____

E. Double Decker _____

F. BMW (Big Mormon Wagon) ________

8. Favorite place to eat the night before Fast Sunday:

A. Chuck-A-Rama _____

B. Hometown Buffet _____

C. Sumo Sam's All You Can Eat Feeding Trough _____

D. Panda Express _______

E. Other ____________

9. Favorite Hero:

A. Nephi _____

B. Lehi

C. Abinadi _____

D. Samuel the Lamanite_____

E. Steve Young _____

F. Johnny Miller

G. Johnny Lingo _____

10. Which of the following do you bring to church [check all that apply]:

A. Scriptures _____

B. Franklin Planner/ Daytimer _____

C. Pen/Pencil _____

D. Lifesavers/ Cheerios _____

E. Tic Tacs _____

F. Game Boy _____

G. Big Gulp _____

H. Cooler _____

I. I-pod _____

J. Cell Phone _____

K. All of the above _____

11. Do you prepare your church lessons:

A. A month in advance _____

B. A week in advance _____

C. During Sacrament Meeting _____

D. During the closing prayer of Sacrament Meeting _____

E. During the opening prayer of the class you're teaching ___

F. Just wing it [according to the promptings of the Spirit]

12. Do you think pews should be permanently equipped with Big Gulp holders?: yes___ no ___

13. How many years has your family sat in the same place for Sacrament Meeting:

A. 10-20 years _____

B. 20-30 years _____

C. 30-40 years _____

D. Over 3 generations _____

14. How much time does it take for you to fall asleep during a high council talk:

A. 1/100,000,000th of a second _____

B. 1/999,999,999th of a second _____

C. 1/999,999,998th of a second _____

15. Which day of the month do you go home/visiting teaching:

A. 31st ______

B. 31st ______

C. 31st ______

D. 31st ______

16. How many church basketball fights were you in last year:

A. 1-10 _____

B. 10-20 _____

C. 20-30 _____

D. You'll have to ask my lawyer _____

17. Which of the following has been your most effective Family Home Evening:

A. Arguing about getting along

B. Having an opening and closing prayer with dinner

C. Gathering around the television to watch"Dancing with the Stars"?

18. How many times a year do you make:

A. Green Jell-O salad _____

B. Funeral potatoes _____

C. Cabbage and Top Ramen salad _____

D. Turkey, cashews and grape-stuffed croissants_____

E. Upside/down cake

F. Jelly Roll

G. Oatmeal cookies

F. Mac-n-cheese

19. How many water-filled two-liter bottles do you own:

A. 1-2 hundred _____

B. 1-2 thousand _____

C. 3-4 thousand _____

D. Enough to fill Utah Lake _____

20. How many pounds of wheat do you own that is more than 10 years past the expiration date?

A. 10,000

B. 20,000

C. 30,000

D. Don't know but likely enough to feed Egypt through a 7 year famine

21. Which of the following do you feel is the most secure facility in the nation:

A. Alcatraz

B. Fort Knox

C. Ward Libraries

22. How many engineers do you hire annually to insure you'll win the pinewood derby: _________

23. Keeping the Word of Wisdom in mind, how much of the following do you consume:

A. Chocolate: ___ pounds daily X 365 days annually= ____

B. Cola: ____ gallons daily X 365 days annually = ____

24. True or not True (circle one), acceptable T.V. programs to "Keep the Sabbath" activity?

A. Super Bowl

B. World Series

C. Jonny Miller Commentary on golf

D. Tiger Woods playing golf

B. Recorded BYU Football games

C. Recorded BYU Basketball games

D. Recorded BYU Golf

E. Recorded BYU Tennis

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