So back in December some issues had come to a head with mean choir director lady. I tried to stick up for myself and told her I wouldn't stand for being humiliated and treated badly anymore. She improved for about a month, and started slipping right back into it.
As it turns out, she went to the bishop and complained about me, saying that she had tried to work things out but she just couldn't control herself and she didn't know what to do. The bishop called me in and basically encouraged me to ask for a release from that calling, and told me that I had served well and shouldn't feel badly about it. So he and I agreed that I would be released this month.
The Sunday after Easter she said some pretty rude things to me in front of the choir, basically that the choir had done really well and *even* the pianist, to her surprise. Monday morning, as is her status quo, she showed up on my doorstep with cookies and a half-arsed "oh I've done it again, ha ha ha" apology, followed by some orders and requests in the same breath. I didn't exactly accept the apology, and she told me about going in to the bishop. I said, "I know, he called me in about it, and I'll be released soon." She seemed pretty shellshocked, though I'm not sure what she was expecting. I told her before that if this continued, I would be done. And I am.
This woman has lived in the ward for longer than I've been alive. She constantly hurts feelings and offends people, followed by trite apologies, and then almost immediately returns to the same behavior. It's sad in a way. . . I know a lot of people avoid her. I've tried being her friend, but I just can't hold on to a friendship that sucks my mental and emotional energy and causes me more grief than happiness. And I don't really think Heavenly Father wants or expects that of me.
We plan on living here for a long, long time, and I know she's not going anywhere. I'm having some anxiety about inevitably having to work with her again (especially since we're both so involved in ward music, regardless of callings), and even about seeing her at all. I've never encountered someone who is so insistent on tearing me (and others) down, then turning around and acting all "buddy-buddy" a second later. It baffles me, really.
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"There is order in the way the Lord reveals His will to mankind. . .we cannot receive revelation for someone else's stewardship." L. Tom Perry
"Love thy neighbor" does not mean you have to like your neighbor, nor does it mean you have to be friends with your neighbor.
Love is an internal thing where you tenderly accept their state as daughter of God and inheritor of a divine nature. And when someone allows themself to develop jerkish habits that annoy people and makes life hard, you feel sad for them.
LM (often settles for just getting ticked off)
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And I'd discuss the holy books with the learned men, seven hours every day. That would be the sweetest thing of all.
On the other hand, there have been occasions where someone who earlier deeply annoyed me became my friend. Maybe not a good friend, but still someone that I value. Then again, there are people who are just so ornery that the best strategy is avoidance
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If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude than the animated contest of freedom, go from us in peace. May your chains sit lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen! - Samuel Adams
I was wondering that, too, but decided not to waste too much energy on it. Maybe just so he could tell the lady (or her son who's in the bishopric) that she's such a meaniepants that I quit. All I care about at this point is that I'm done.
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"There is order in the way the Lord reveals His will to mankind. . .we cannot receive revelation for someone else's stewardship." L. Tom Perry
Yes, I wonder why if he felt inspired to release you (which I think is evident) why he seems to want to hide behind your request. Seems like that looks like *you* have the problem. But, whatever. Glad you're outta' there whatever the details are.
P.S. This may actually be the first case of my hearing of a bishop asking someone to asked to be released. Hmm...
-- Edited by Cocobeem at 17:18, 2008-04-09
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Life is tough but it's tougher if you're stupid. -John Wayne
Well maybe my interpretation is off. He called me in specifically about this issue. We discussed it, but not in a lot of depth. I was actually impressed with how neutral he stayed, not willing to make it a personal "she did this and this and that" thing, just generally talked about how it's been an ongoing problem. Then he noted that I had 2 callings and he'd prefer to release me from one, since he didn't realize that I had 2 and he doesn't want to do that to a mom with 3 young children. He asked me to choose which one I wanted to be released from, even though it was clear that I wanted to be let go from choir. So I don't know. But I feel fine about it, so I haven't stressed over the particulars.
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"There is order in the way the Lord reveals His will to mankind. . .we cannot receive revelation for someone else's stewardship." L. Tom Perry
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in Jen's ward wakes up early and goes to their church. Before the service starts, they sit in their pews and talk about their lives, their families, etc.
Suddenly, at the podium, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate.
Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, the hubby of the Choir Director, who sits calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit.
Satan walks up to the man and says, "Hey, don't you know who I am?"
The man says, "Yep, sure do."
Satan says, "Well, aren't you afraid of me?"
The man says, "Nope, sure ain't."
Satan, perturbed, says, "And why aren't you afraid of me?"
"Well, I've been married to your sister for 25 years."
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And I'd discuss the holy books with the learned men, seven hours every day. That would be the sweetest thing of all.
It is the nature of the beast that there will always be animosity popping up in cooperative church music. It will come from the singers, the pianist, the director towards any of those other groups or the members who won't participate. Realizing that helped me, especially when I feel like walking off the job.
Public rudeness requires public apology, even if the cookies were delicious.
Absence makes the heart grow forgetful, at least for men. Maybe the bishop is hoping that you and your nemesis will simply forget any ill-feelings so that at some future point you could work together again in a different capacity. How good are you at letting things go?
Oh I can let things go. I can be very quick to forgive when a sincere apology is offered. My problem is when there is no apology or remorse, and I'm working on that. Of course I wouldn't be very eager to be put back into a setting where she's pulling this garbage again, so I guess it depends on how willing she is to try (which she's obviously not, right now).
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"There is order in the way the Lord reveals His will to mankind. . .we cannot receive revelation for someone else's stewardship." L. Tom Perry
Given the fact that some people will never even say sorry, I do think it is good that she does try to patch up some. If you have as poor of edit button as she does, it would be hard to have to apologize so much. Some people really say things without really meaning so. Also, older people have less inhibitions to stop them from saying inappropriate things.
On a different note, I was thinking just this morning about a time that I performed in a Relief Society function where I did acting and also other music funtions. It was hard to do the music productions as I don't read music and the choir people would also use lingo that meant nothing to me. I basically tried to follow the person next to me.
I remember the sister giving us a talk before we performed in a Stake Relief Society funcion. I had an acting part. She was telling us how to do. I must have had a deer in the headlights look as I was so shy at the time and so afraid of not pleasing her. All of a sudden, she changed her tune and softened her countenance and seemed to say not to worry.
Jen, you are a very nice person so that may make it hard to understand why this ward member is the way that she is. And I don't know for sure. I do know that people can have a habit of being negative. I had a teacher who had a very negative father. And she was negative and worked hard to break that cycle. She had a goal to give at least one compliment a day. I think once she had not met her quota and woke a child out of sleep to let them know that they brushed their teeth well. I do not know if her father or she berated their children. I do know that her dad seemed to complain about the minor things. This woman may also be rather perfectionistic. It is not easy to work with a perfectionist. As my theory goes, if you have problems with a person that the chances are that other people have problems with this person. From what you have shared, that is the case.
I do have someone who has taken me under the wings online who from her description can be very outspoken in person. I am so glad to get to see the side of her that people in her area may not see. She says so many things to build me up.
People that are that wound up and into themselves are easy to mess with. I would start messing with them for my own amusement. Maybe switch out the CD they are using to sing along to with the Biggie Smalls or Dr. Dre. Switch out all their sheet music with Iron Butterfly's Innagoddadavida. Then just sit back and watch them come unglued.
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Jason (Formerly salesortonscom)
As I walk through this earth, nothing can stop, the Duke of Mirth!
I had a friend who was a concert pianist, he was called to do ward choir accompaniast. While the conductor was explaining what s/he wanted the sopranos or the altos or whomever to do, He would transpose the piece just a note or a note and half up or down. The singers would listen and then when it came time to play the actual piece he'd play it in pitch, and the singers would sing it off pitch. It always made him laugh.
Some accompaniasts can be evil. :)
--Ray
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I'm not slow; I'm special. (Don't take it personally, everyone finds me offensive. Yet somehow I manage to live with myself.)
Monday morning, as is her status quo, she showed up on my doorstep with cookies and a half-arsed "oh I've done it again, ha ha ha" apology, followed by some orders and requests in the same breath. I didn't exactly accept the apology, and she told me about going in to the bishop. I said, "I know, he called me in about it, and I'll be released soon." She seemed pretty shellshocked, though I'm not sure what she was expecting. I told her before that if this continued, I would be done. And I am.
Maybe he encourages people to quit at his job rather than firing them...?
