I eat whatever is placed before me (unless it's liver). But I don't try to hide it if I don't like something. For instance, I don't hide my disgust when I eat tomato slices in a salad, even though I eat them anyway.

arbilad wrote:

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I eat whatever is placed before me (unless it's liver). But I don't try to hide it if I don't like something. For instance, I don't hide my disgust when I eat tomato slices in a salad, even though I eat them anyway.

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That's how my DH is. I try to make things we all like, and/or modify things to his liking. He constantly expresses appreciation for my efforts, even on difficult days when the best I can offer is what you graciously refer to as "slop". His gratitude and appreciation makes me more eager to make things he enjoys. Who wants to cook for an rude, ungrateful diner? If he's hard to please, why bother? He won't like it anyway, kwim?

Also, when I make something new, I ask him what he thinks. I know that in asking, I'll get the truth, but he's always kind about it (like rather than using words like "disgusting", he'll say, "I like other things you make better, this wasn't my favorite. . .", or, "it's not something I'd want again, but thank you!").

-- Edited by Jen at 14:18, 2008-04-04

When I cook, my family usually asks me to make popular dishes. Sometimes I'll experiment. Like recently, on Dianoia's suggestion, I made potato-onion soup from the church cookbook. It was actually pretty good. Although it felt like heresy to crumble up bacon and put it in instead of just eating the bacon straight.

Jen wrote:

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His gratitude and appreciation makes me more eager to make things he enjoys. Who wants to cook for an rude, ungrateful diner? If he's hard to please, why bother? He won't like it anyway, kwim?

 

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Hey!  I call that poor man's stroganoff.  I like it too.

I enjoy cooking, but when I get home from work, I usually have little energy/interest to spend cooking.  So I try to make 1 or 2 big meals on the weekend to last me the rest of the week.  Maybe you can do that, Val.  Make a big meal or two on the weekend and then the family can have some leftovers through the week.

When a woman feels appreciated and cherished, when she feels that she's living with a partner, not a boss, when she feels like he places her well-being and happiness high on his list, when she feels that even her "unsatisfactory" efforts are seen as valuable; she will be far more apt to have a desire to please him and do things for him that will make him happy to reciprocate. And I ain't just talking about the kitchen.

Just something to consider.

I've got a few ideas, val. I have to run just now, so I'll post them later tonight.

I'm honestly trying to be helpful, Valhalla, and give you a woman's POV based on my experience and tones and attitudes I feel like I'm picking up from you. I freely admit that there could be something lost in Internet translation, but if my husband felt and talked about my cooking or anything else the way I feel like you talk about your wife, there would more than likely be problems. I see, however, that my view isn't helpful to you, so I'll do my best to refrain from sharing it from now on.

And dianoia said precisely what I was trying to say (re: the cooking).

That's a tough situation Valhalla. It's a puzzlement to me why your wife would continue to make a couple of particular dishes that you don't like. I don't understand why she would get mad when she knows you don't like them.
If I made something my family didn't like, I certainly wouldn't bother to make it again. If I am going to go to the trouble to cook, then I want them to at least like it. But, that's me.

Sometimes I try something new and I appreciate Cat's input on whether he likes it or not and I do the same for him when he cooks.

Here's my suggestion: You mentioned there are lot's of recipes on the internet. Maybe your wife doesn't want to go looking for new recipes. So, maybe if you found some recipes for her that might be similar to what she likes to make, but maybe with ingredients you would prefer, ask if her if she would mind trying them out. You could say "Hey, this looks pretty good. Why don't we give this a try?"

Sometimes people just don't want to get out of their comfort zones. Sometimes they don't see the need to try new things when they find something they think works.
If that idea doesn't fly with her, then... well, on the nights she makes those two particular dishes you don't like, just accept it without complaint, and if you absolutely can't stand it, have something else on hand to eat.
But, on the other nights, just to make her feel better maybe you ought to complement her on what she makes and thank her for the good meal she prepared. Sometimes it's better to keep the peace and build someone up than it is to complain.

Anyway, good luck with that.

-- Edited by Poncho29 at 21:13, 2008-04-04

I love to cook. When I make something awful, which I might add is rare, we all agree it is awful and it never gets made again. I do all the cooking on my nights off. My wife really likes it when I do the cooking...she hates to do it.

I love cooking, but in light of the fact that I'm tired when I come home, my wife usually cooks dinner. But I usually do the baking. Which reminds me, I think I'll make blueberry muffins tomorrow (and not from a mix; I've gotten away from using mixes).
But I have made stuff that doesn't taste good. And I appreciate constructive criticism.

since you said you can find these recipes on the net, and since you said you do all the weekend cooking, and since someone suggested freezing things ahead of time, why don't you and your wife TOGETHER prepare the stuff for the rest of the week?

Definitely I think it is ok to not like a certain dish. Just because you love your wife, doesn't mean your taste buds need to love each and every dish. I think it is sad when people feel compelled to eat horrible offensive food so as not to offend (ie those who serve missions in places where they eat things such as pig noses). I feel you can love a person w/o having to eat something that makes you ill. One of my coworkers had to make her husband some type of meat in an animal stomach thing that he loved. She only made it as she loved him. Shudder! I love my dad, but I have never tried his favorite thing he used to make when we were little (Eggplant!!) It's the only thing he ever made. But we love him though not the eggplant.

But somehow you have to show her you really appreciate her and her efforts. I think Jen expressed well what I was thinking. I thought that the comment you made about your wife staying at home and not having the kids there and suggesting there isn't reason she needs things off her to do list, isn't really kind and supportive of her in her role as your wife. I don't intend this to sound wrong but she is your wife, not your cook. So though I agree she can and should help prepare food, in your role as her husband, to me you should be striving to find things you can do for her and serve her. Hopefully if you both do this w/that sincere heart then things will work out and you will both be happy.


Also it is important to appreciate the efforts even if you don't like the food. Example one time I made two cakes for coworkers.For my male boss who was a former Army Ranger, I made him what i thought was a wonderful cake. It had oreo topping and (don't laugh, I know it sounds dumb now) but plastic army men on top. On the same day, I made a cheesecake for a female coworker. Then all of us ate whichever cake we chose to eat.

Well my male boss didn't take a single solitary bite from "his cake", but he really loved the cheesecake from the box and praised me for it. Still, it hurt that he didn't even take a bit from the cake I had made w/him in mind. (I never said anything. It may be that he didn't eat my cake as he was into some special exercise diet for strengthening) I am gla dhe liked the cheescake but it would have made me happy if at least he had noticed the cake I made for him. Goodness, I went to a special cake store to get those plastic army men toppers! (maybe he was offended w/the cake decoration due to the dangers of war, but my intent was to show respect)

In another situation, at one point I had to evacuate due to a pending hurricane. A male friend in my ward invited me to the home of his sister for those couple days of the evacuation. Long story but the sis was not happy w/this. (still she was relatively nice and gave me use of their lovely guest room and had her brother stay on their sofa).

Well one day her brother and I were helping make the dinner. My jon was to make the punch, kool-aide mixed w/sprite or something. His sister took one sip and stated how it wasn't good, that my combo was too sweet! Her brother defended me and said he liked it. That support really meant a lot.

Finally, years ago there was an article in Reader's Digest about great moments in marriage. They had snippets of some meaningful memories. One lady wrote how she had made a lemon pie for a function- but somehow added WAY TOO MUCH SALT! so was embarassed to realize this had occurred. Her husband showed his love for her by taking that pie and eating it in its entirety, so no one else would learn of the plethora of salt! ( if it had been me, I would have shown love by somehow sneaking the pie and then tossing it)

Anyway, sorry I rambled so much. Maybe no one read this far. But the point is, love and appreciate your wife even if you don't like what she makes.

I think the sharpest comment I have made about my wife's cooking (several times) is "I wouldn't want steady diet of this."

Oooh, another idea:  Maybe she's trying to prepare you to live off your food storage!    BadaBING!   hee hee hah hah ho <snort> oh, ahem... sorry.  I just slay myself sometimes.



I'm going to assume that Val would like some help brainstorming for solutions, even though the OP is worded like a complaint.  How the women on bountiful would react to being told their husbands didn't like a certain meal is irrelevant to Val, because his wife is the only one that matters.  So I'm not going to touch on that question.

Instead, I'll share the things that contribute to my own less than stellar performance in the kitchen (yes, yes, I know you're all shocked that Bok isn't perfect after all), and maybe that will give Val some more ideas beyond the ones already touched on to figure out why his wife cooks meals he doesn't like.  Because knowing the why is the first step to fixing the problem.

It's easy to get in a rut and rotate through a small subset of meals, and the reasons this can happen are varied.  When it happens at our house, it is usually caused by one or a combination of these factors:

1) Lack of skills/equipment/resources

Early in our marriage, my cooking skills weren't all that great due to inexperience.  I had only basic, cheap kitchen tools, which limited my options.  And money was very very tight, which further limited what ingredients we could afford.  Luckily, my mother, an excellent cook, helped me out with recipes and taught me some flavor tricks.

I've fairly recently come across a fun blog produced by a ranch wife - and this woman can cook!  I've tried out three of her recipes and loved them all.  http://thepioneerwoman.com/   Your wife may also enjoy reading the blog ... the author has chronicled her romance with her handsome cowboy husband.   

2) Lack of planning on my part

When I'm on the ball and organized, this is what we try to do:  Every family member gets to suggest one meal entree for the week.  With six in our family, I decide on two meals.  I do my best to include side dishes so that if a given person really hates the entree for the night, there is still something in the meal that they like.  Some nights my son eats only bread and fruit and the compulsory vegetable.

But when I don't plan ahead, dinner is often late and of lesser quality.  If I haven't defrosted the meat or soaked the beans the night before, I have to slop something together quick just to get people fed.

3) I'm feeling crappy, either physically or emotionally

When my appetite is low, I don't feel like cooking.  What a surprise.  My appetite also plummets when my depression worsens.  During a down cycle, I really struggle to care about cooking and preparing tasty meals.  Selfish, I know.  Just keepin' it real.

4) Burnout

After 17 years of cooking for a family, I don't enjoy it as much as I used to.  It's really easy to get in a rut of making the same old things that are easy and quick.  Especially when someone is always complaining they don't like something.  Why try to please picky people?  This feeling comes and goes, and also gets worse when my depression does.

5) Budget constraints

When money is tight, the meals by necessity get simpler.  Less variety, more casseroles, more pasta, more ground beef, etc.  Instead of meat as an entree, it's used as a condiment to stretch that resource over as many meals as possible.  I cook differently depending on the available grocery budget.

6) Sometimes %$!@# just happens and there truly isn't time for anything else.

Take my day yesterday for example.  Up at 6:30 am, busy getting people off to school until 8:30, quickly cleaned up kitchen a little bit, then got ready and left for the temple.  On the way, dropped lunch and a permission slip off to the 16yo at school, who then informed me that she needed another set of papers she had left on her desk that had to be turned in before 3pm.  Back home for that, then back to the H.S., then finally drove to the temple, did a session, then home again, changed clothes, grabbed same child's choir costume bag and ran back to the H.S. to pick her up and take costume bag to yet another school before 4pm.  Back at home, helped a child with an emergenc reformat of a flash drive, found soccer socks for son and then filled a cooler with ice water and gathered paper cups for the 5pm soccer game then loaded everything in the car.  Hastily fed youngest a snack, drove 14yo daughter to her cast party, then went to the last half of the soccer game.  By the time we got home, it was nearly 7pm.  Since I didn't plan for the day to be quite this busy, due to lack of communication from the 16yo about her paperwork/costume deadline needs, I got behind schedule early in the day and never had an opportunity to prepare a meal.  Starting from scratch at 7pm with what I did have planned, it would be nearly 9pm before I could get it on the table.  So I scrapped my 2 hour meal plan and went with something faster.   

Obviously not every night is like that, but sometimes it just happens that way, despite having a plan.  Call it excuses if you want, but I don't know where I could have cooked a decent meal during that day, despite having planned to.  Luckily, my husband is patient and understanding, even though he works 12 hours a day. 

We're only getting Val's side of the story, but assuming his assessment is accurate, I agree that most of the time, a SAHM with kids in school should have plenty of time for adequate meal prep with a little advance planning.  So there must be some other factor(s) that is affecting her choice of recipes.  Hopefully Val can talk with her and discover what's really going on and together they can resolve it.

I'm curious Val -- what kind of meals you prepare on the weekends?  Does she like the food you prepare?

Historian, I once tried putting Louisiana hot sauce on it to get through it, she actually got mad at me for doing that, that it wasn't good enough and was insulted.

I try to support her when she tries new things, and when they don't go well, I am fine with that, I want her to try new things, and eat them when they don't turn out well. Part of my drive too is to get her out of her shell and comfort zone, be willing try something and if it fails for her to get it does not mean she is a failure. In fact some things, like lasgna, I will not make as she does okay with that, and I want that to be hers. I have a lasgna idea I would like to try, but I leave that as her dish.

Part of it is me, I hate routine, the same things, the same old stuff. I am very easily bored, I like flavor, spice, in food or otherwise. I like life and living it, experiencing new things constantly, restlessness and wanderlust, unfortunately not lots of money or time for such things (got to pay the bills), but this provides a means of escapism, different cooking styles and foods.

I was not having a good day when I posted this and coming home from work to find that kind of sent me over the edge.

I have found some dishes that I made and then she has kept making, like a cabbage roll casserole (one casserole I can tolerate).

I am think I should go through and print out some recipes for her to try, that way she does not have to think up things and when we go shopping, get the needed items.

Bok, she usually likes or really loves what I make, not be uppity, she does, most people do. This weekend I cooked filet mignon, pan seared (med. rare) it with white pepper and kosher salt, with a cognac cream sauce for it. I prepare a wide variety of things on the weekend, some things:
-catfish chunks roled in spiced cornmeal with hush puppies or rice and beans
-chimichangas: diced pork mixture and montery jack cheese
-chipotle salmon with pineapple cilantro rice
-homemade English fish and chips (I usually make onion rings using the batter)
-seafood manicotti with a white sauce
-scallop and shrimp alfredo fettuccinne
-chicken biryani
-tandoori chicken on the grill
-orange beef
-burritos stuffed with shrimp/ black bean and rice
-vensison steaks marinated in cherry juice and grilled on the grill
-pork loin with dijon marsala sauce
-Greek pork tenderloin marinated in oregano, lemon juice, olive oil, salt pepper, and grilled
-curried chicken with potatoes, carrots, onions over rice
-Kielbasa fried rice
-Persian kabobs with mint
-Keftethes Smyrne: Greek meatballs in fresh tomato sauce
-lots more

I did give her one recipe I wanted and liked for a salad nicoise, made with Romaine lettuce, capers, black olives, tuna in oil egg, tomatoes, anchovies, olive oil and vinegar. It was really good.

I made some orange chocolate chip cookies not long ago that were great.

It would never get this bad:

http://www.local6.com/news/15793539/detail.html
ORANGE COUNTY, Fla. -- A 28-year-old woman in Orange County stabbed her husband during a fight that sparked over having hot dogs for dinner, according to a sheriff's office report.

Officers said Alfreda Van Bladel apparently had prepared a dinner for her husband, Anton, that consisted of hot dogs.

At some point, the man snatched the plate of hot dogs from his wife's hands, the report said.

The action prompted the woman to stab her husband in the shoulder with a steak knife, according to authorities.

Anton Van Bladel then alleged grabbed a handgun and pointed it at the woman's head and said he was going to kill her.

Both a knife and a handgun were recovered from the couple's home.

The husband and wife were arrested and face several charges in connection with the incident, including aggravated battery and aggravated assault.

-- Edited by Valhalla at 09:48, 2008-04-07

Reading Val's list, I almost want to get more into cooking savory stuff, because what I've specialized in so far is sweet stuff. I'm good at making brownies, cookies, chocolate truffles, banana cream pie, pumpkin pie, blueberry muffins, pumpkin muffins, etc. And when I say cookies, I don't just mean normal cookies (although I love making a nice chocolate mint chip cookie, for instance); I make stuff such as granola cookies or other departures from the norm.
I do love making non-sweet stuff. I just don't specialize in it. I've fallen in love with making corn dodgers, for instance. They're quick and simple, and if you use bacon grease, very tasty. I like experimenting with various types of bread.
I'm weird in that cooking is a relaxing activity for me.

Just to clarify, Val, I'm not saying that the frustrations you're having are necessarily because you're not showing enough appreciation. If you'll check back to your OP, you asked us how we wives react when our families don't like our cooking.

So I was speaking to my particular situation - which sounds in some ways like it's the opposite of yours: I'm the one that like spices and variety (and vegetables) and trying new things, and my family would live on hot dogs, hamburgers, and mac n' cheese if I let them.

Speaking overall, I agree that a SAHM with school-age children has the time to put effort into meals, and she should strive to please her husband and children with her meals.

Yet there are also other considerations to throw into that mix as well, some of which have already been mentioned: budgeting, nutrition, food storage, energy levels - cooking was overwhelming during my depression, interest in cooking and good old-fashioned skill - compared to my mother and sisters, I just don't have the talent. (And for me personally, the internet is not a help at all. It's just too big. Even going to allrecipes.com to look for a simple Alfredo recipe is an exercise in overkill.)

You sound like a better cook than I am (I'm kind of jealous.)

I thought you guys were working on rotating your food storage. Do you keep filet mignon and catfish and curry ingredients in your food storage?

Oh, and Val?  Are you willing to share some recipes?  In particular, the chimichangas and scallop/shrimp alfredo sound yummy. 

Valhalla- I agree w/Bok in that perhaps you should have been a chef! maybe someday you can open a restaurant, all your meals sound like something you would see at a restaurant.
Good luck!

Mmm... sounds good! However, I'm definitely using a sprig of fresh parsley for garnish, not chopped. You caveman.

That sounds pretty good, too.

We had pulled pork sandwiches (pork was marked down at WallyWorld) from the ... (drum roll, please) ... CROCKPOT!

And I'm doing the crockpot again today! So, neener! This chicken taco thingey...