From the 1995 first quarterly edition of the "Tax Bar Journal" (from an actual trial transcript):
The Court: Next witness.
Ms. Olschner: Your honor, at this time, I would like to swat Mr. Buck in the head with his client's deposition.
The Court: You mean read it?
Ms. Olschner: No sir, I mean swat him in the head with it. Pursuant to Rule 32, I may use this deposition for any purpose, and that is the purpose for which I want to use it.
The Court: Well, it does say that. (pause) There being no objection, you may proceed.
Ms. Olschner: Thank you, Judge Hanes. (whereupon Ms. Olschner swatted Mr. Buck in the head with the deposition.)
"The promptings of the Holy Ghost will always be sufficient for our needs if we keep to the covenant path. Our path is uphill most days, but the help we receive for the climb is literally divine." --Elaine S. Dalton
That reminds me, one of the only good things about the firm where I used to work was the annual Mad Dog awards. There were lots of awards given, but the best was the Mad Dog award, which was given to an attorney with the most outrageous behavior in a legal setting. One attorney would mouth profanities at the opposing attorney during a deposition, which wasn't recorded of course because it wasn't out loud, but it made the opposing attorney LIVID, and he constantly tried to get our attorney in contempt for it. Which didn't happen. Because nothing was on record. So opposition looked like a raving lunatic. It was awesome. :)
This was the same attorney who would call the help desk because he couldn't figure out how to use the computer mouse. :)
Once when my dad was a prosecuter the opposing attorney came out of the courtroom and asked the rest of my dad's team, "What do you feed (last name), raw meat?!"
I also heard of a lawyer that would fix his cigar with a long wire so the ashes wouldn't fall off. (This was back in the days where you could smoke indoors.) He'd light that thing up and get it just right just as opposing counsel was giving his closing argument. The jury was so fixated on the 2" of ash miraculously hanging from that cigar, they didn't hear one dang word of the closing argument.
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Life is tough but it's tougher if you're stupid. -John Wayne
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