The latest discussions about exchanges and counter-exchanges got me to thinking about some basic rules of ettiquette. Here's what I've come up with thus far... Do you agree, disagree? Think there should be different bullet points, no bullet points, fewer? Are they redundant? Do they even need to be stated? Do you have your own set of rules?
RayB's Basic Bullets of Bountiful Babble:
1. Focus on ideas, not individuals.
2. Assume that all boardmembers have the best intentions. (It may not be so, but it's not your job to make sure they do... and since when has anyone ever been able to change a person's intentions? But if you assume the best, you allow those who do fail to live up to the best the chance to save face.) Charity is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, is long suffering. Try not to ascribe thoughtless or sinister motives to any board member, no matter their station or their verbosity or their history.
3. It's okay to admit you don't understand the perspective, or to restate the idea. Make a conscious effort to understand your opposition's point before stating your opposition.
4. It's okay to change one's opinion. It's not a position of weakness to apologize. Be tolerant. Forgive and forget. Don't focus on past wrongs. Don't assume that because a boardmember opposed you in one case, he or she will always take the opposite of your arguments no matter what they are.
5. It's okay if we don't all agree, we can still be kind to each other--remember we're all covenanted LDS members (treat others the way you'd like to be treated, cuz that's part of the covenant), and in what matters we hold a basic faith in common. Never make anyone feel bad for being a member of the church... build testimonies.
6. Suggest tangible (and noncondescending) alternatives to objectionable behaviors, rather than just complaining about them. Even in private communications say positive things about people. Everyone can play the victim, but it takes a saint to be a peacemaker.
7. If you are offended, and really are feeling upset, be sure to label your feelings as such... state outright, "These comments made me FEEL such and such." Don't assume that because you feel something that it is necessarily the way you will always feel about that something. People are not just feelings.
8. Don't talk your point to death. Just state it, and what you intend to do about it, and then step away. (I don't do this step well, ahem...)
9. Love your neighbor more than your argument. Try to find a way to give a compliment to someone who holds an opposing viewpoint. It doesn't weaken your argument to be kind to those who hold to an opposing position. We all have freedom of choice--we should actually take comfort in the idea we all see the world differently.
10. No matter how well argued, reasonable or logical you are, no one is keeping score and you really don't ever "win" anything.
I really liked Mahonri's response to the latest Ron Paul post about the video...
He said, "I watched it. I liked the music. I'm still voting for Mitt Romney."
He was short, to the point, and didn't dismiss the person out of hand--just disagreed. That was great form.
I think we can all try a little harder.
11. We will all fail, but we can keep trying.
It's not a natural tendency for most of us, but I think ultimately it will help create a better sense of wellbeing and understanding--and when that exists we can better communicate.
--Ray
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I'm not slow; I'm special. (Don't take it personally, everyone finds me offensive. Yet somehow I manage to live with myself.)
interesting... I am still thinking about this... I like much of what you say...
I have one concern... Do you think that in the case of "baiting" this approach will work? For most discussion you are probably on to something with your bullets. Unfortunately, I am a tad confuse by some of the topics and positions that are presented in a "I defy you to disagree with me" approach, or am I th only member that see that approach? It is hard for me to see how anyone can even answer such comments. It is probably best to ignore them, but there are members who feel to do so suggests agreement. I am not sure that is the case, but I can understand how they might feel that way.
Possibly because I am not terribly political, I am finding participation in this forum onerous right now. I can't put my finger on it exactly... However it's a pretty explosive place most of the time, I'm not much for "action-adventure" FILMS either...
Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
I believe liberal application of this little gem of thought would be appropriate in our lives, particularly on this forum.
Everyone has the right to opinions which are strongly held. But sometimes, there seems to be a 'my way or the highway' attitude floating through the air. Individuals can only proceed along the path of knowledge at the speed allowed by their own personal level of understanding. Jet fueled criticism in harsh and demeaning tones only makes the situation volatile and do nothing to advance whatever good another's own understanding might have shared.
I do agree that we need to keep the 'personal' side of the board protected. No one enjoys being attacked or treated punitively for simply being different. Attacks on people with broad generalizations only serves to weaken the forum.
Although every single person who has ever come to earth has a desire to be heard, others may not have the same level of enthusiasm for their remarks as they personally hold. It seems that when alternate views are expressed, there is almost a bandwagon approach at times to quash the thoughts as if usurpers had invaded the board.
Just remember what was once said about bandwagons, "be careful about jumpin' onto the bandwagon, son, 'cause you liable to get hit by the horn".
Well, the verbosity thing or determining what is/isn't worth an epistle is entirely subjective. Some may be "all through" with a subject the first post, others want to see it through a little more. There's really nothing wrong with ignoring a thread you find useless or uninteresting. But I don't like the idea of someone telling someone else they've just written an epistle on a topic that is not "worth it." They obviously thought it was.
Overall, I like the bullet points. I will even try harder myself to put them into practice.
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Life is tough but it's tougher if you're stupid. -John Wayne
If I esteem mankind to be in error, shall I bear down on them? No. I will lift them up, and in their own way too, if I cannot persuade them my way is better. I will not seek to compel any man to believe as I do, only by force or reasoning, for truth will cut its own way. -Joseph Smith
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And I'd discuss the holy books with the learned men, seven hours every day. That would be the sweetest thing of all.
BTW, I came to this thread after the "works of their own hands" thread. At first glance, I read the last two words of the title as "Bountiful Babes" and thought, "Cool! Maybe we could do a calendar!"
You know, we could probably raise enough money to fund the board for another year.
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The ability to qualify for, receive, and act on personal revelation is the single most important skill that can be acquired in this life. - Julie Beck
