Friendship

rayb · Hot Air Balloon

Friendship

Cat Herder · Understander of unimportant things

I had a friend once. I was in about 4th grade or so. But, I had to end the friendship.

He wouldn't play army men with me the way I was wanting him to (he was attacking my fort before I was ready), and I got exasperated and told him "Just go home and play by yourself."

He got up, turned around and walked out saying "Okay." He never came back over to play with me again.

I still have nightmares to this day of how I must have scarred him for life. I saw him later in high school... he had turned into a complete nerd and sat alone at lunch in the cafeteria...

If only he had heard me calling across the street the next day asking for him to come back over and play... that poor guy could have amounted to something profound... he could be running for President of the U.S. or something...

Cocobeem · Keeper of the Holy Grail

My friends and I generally share the same points of view. I do have one very close friend who is very different when it comes to politics. Largely, I enjoy hanging out IRL with my "kindred spirits."

I'm not actively pursuing friendships these days, in the sense that I feel a dearth. But I am always open to new friendships. I feel I have plenty, but when you gain a new friend there's always more room to be found.

I had to end friendships with my ex's siblings (7 of them). I did this so they would not be put into an uncomfortable situation specifically by their mother. (She didn't want anyone talking to me or finding out my side of anything.) That still hurts but I think they understand.

Cat Herder · Understander of unimportant things

Cocobeem wrote:

I had to end friendships with my ex's siblings (7 of them). I did this so they would not be put into an uncomfortable situation specifically by their mother. (She didn't want anyone talking to me or finding out my side of anything.) That still hurts but I think they understand.

Well, that is sad. Perhaps after your ex-mother-in-law gets that transfer to the other side, you can re-establish contact with them...

Cocobeem · Keeper of the Holy Grail

I've established contact with the brother and wife that I lined up already.

rayb · Hot Air Balloon

ftr, I find almost all human relations fascinating, and mostly because this human experience has really humbled me... really kinda lambasted me... Cat I can relate to your feelings and wondering if you'd treated that kid kinder when you were younger, if it would've changed his life. I know of a few people like that... as kids, relationships are extremely disposable.

I used to be a one friend type guy--when i was a kid. My friend and I were so much of the same mind that he ended up joining the church, and we spent endless summers just imagining we were powerful wizards (D&D stuff) and were saving the world. In some ways I don't know if I liked the things he liked because he liked them, rather than me liking them. I remember he was into classical music, so of course I would listen to him play the piano like a master, and would enjoy the same music he did. He liked this or that show on teevee so I did. He really liked broadway musicals and all the clever lyrics of shows by Sondheim, and so I did. He was very sophisticated about a lot of things too that I didn't have a clue about. Then we moved, and my friend who I spent 24/7 time together with, was no longer available. For a long time I was pretty alone. I had so much invested in that one friend that I found myself unable to make friends with many people. I didn't trust a lot of people going through high school, and I felt like I probably was... very odd. :)

Then i went on my mission. The introvert in me changed, mostly because I really tried hard to change because I believed that was part of the job of being a missionary. I admit I probably wasn't the most prepared socially to be a missionary, but the experienced transformed the way I view people in general. I became comfortable with who I could be too... I found that I could talk to people who were total strangers. I found out that God sees even the weirdos with love and differently than others perceive them. I began to realize that a lot of the social morays and structures of cliques and such that existed in High School were just unbecoming games.

I really am grateful I could serve a mission. Having read L. Tom Perry's "Raising the Bar" talk, I wonder if the bar had been raised when i was missionary age, if I'd even be allowed to go... I doubt it, but I am grateful nonetheless to try to help my son do better to reach the new higher standards. I think I understand the need for it. And count myself lucky to have lived in the time I did... too...

Anyhow once I got married, my wife and I started opening our home to others. We try really hard to be friends to everyone and it always amazes me the stories people have to share. I try really hard to befriend those folks in the ward that are just a little off... or perhaps their weaknesses show a little more than others, because I know they have interesting stories to tell once you get past all the defenses and the off-putting habits that we all have. I am a firm believer that every person has something worth hearing--that can teach me something new.

I sometimes wonder if I feel this way because of how friend-starved I was during my youth... My friend who I couldn't live without, has since gone off to live a life filled with choices I cannot approve of... still I remember him when those things weren't who he was... I sometimes wonder if God will allow us a chance... in the eternities to ressurrect the good things we once saw in each other... and put aside all the poor choices that followed. Who knows... but all these mortal experiences by mortal people leaves me pondering lots of stuff... :)

--Ray

Cat Herder · Understander of unimportant things

At a young age, I was very much like a Roy Rogers, in that a stranger was simply a friend you hadn't met yet.

I remember vividly the first time (in third grade) when I realized that not everyone else acts or behaves that way. Some of those who I had thought were friends manipulated me for their own entertainment and amusement. By the end of sixth grade, I had become a loner in elementary school because of the compounding clique-ishness these kids were instigators of.

I saw a couple of those who had been unkind to me in elementary school at my high school reunion several years ago. Was indeed sad to see the darkness of their countenances. On the other hand, it was really fun to see the brightness of countenances of so many others I had gone all the way from Kindergarten on up through high school with. I was the only active member of the church in my class of 500+ students. It gave me hope that many of those with the bright countenances would someday accept the gospel!

alabamabelle · Senior Member

I would have to say I have been blessed in the friends department. I am never at a lack of some gal pal to share my day with.

But, for the deeper stuff of life, I have two best friends (one here and one in the holy land) who support, encourage, life and strengthen me in ways that I could not have been receptive to in others.

Because of the direct influence of my friend in 'Bama, I am going to the temple on a "totally regular, no excuses allowed, nothing can interfere with our temple day" basis.

That has been a blessing that I was able to share with my other best friend when she came out to visit during the summer.

People, I have to tell you, there is nothing (besides family!) that can top sitting on the couch in a special place between the two friends who mean the most to you in this life.

Roper · Senior Bucketkeeper

So do you tend to think of your friends as people who think like you or differently than you?

Like me in some ways, different in others. For me, the biggest barrier to forming a friendship is intolerance. If someone behaves as if their way of seeing the world is The One True Way, then I don't care to even try to establish a friendship.

Do you actively pursue friendship these days, or do you feel you've got plenty?

I actually think I have too many people in my life right now that I call friends. I regret that I don't have enough time to develop really meaningful relationships.

Have you ever had to end a friendship, and what was the criteria for that?

Yep. I can forgive most things in a friendship. But there are two things I will not tolerate--betraying my trust and willfully harming another person. I've intentionally ended three friendships based on those criteria.