Over the past week I have been passionately debating for a cause I believed to be worth the passion. The discussion has been interesting to me. The whole experience opened my eyes to many of the feelings of board members that I was painfullly oblivious to... sadly my methods in extracting these confessions of truth have probably left some people feeling frustrated, manipulated or picked on... I am saddened that my efforts have not convinced some to stay, I have emailed those who have left that I'm aware of, and have emails for, trying to convince them to return and give all the boardmembers another chance--that they won't be attacked for posting, and I have decided to stay on at least a little while longer in the (perhaps vain) hopes that friends will be friends again, and we can put down our differences and continue to enjoy interesting discussions as the entire group. I am encouraged by the new language that has been added to the charter to re-explain the moderation procedures and to insert a more private "handling" clause in the process, and a more democratic procedure for resolving them.

I am sorry if you felt personally attacked.

The discussion, debate, dispute, argument, exchange, as far as I know, is over... I respect Arbi's decision, despite disagreeing with it wholeheartedly--not just the handling of it, but the implications of it. Though I've expressed my feeling that there have been (or could be) attempts by members to appeal to Arbi to unfairly exercise absolute power, I have no hard evidence of it. I don't see that concern as unreasonable.  My objections to the use of PMs has never been about PMing me, when it is me that one has an issue, it has been in the overreaching desire to place one's personal desire for the exercise of absolute power OVER the processes that Board has established for resolving differences. I have expressed my thinking on this matter in those threads, which has frequently been very impassioned. I apologize for stilted language which may have evoked feelings of anger. I apologize for any confidences that may feel I broke in the pursuit of my desire to elucidate motives or procedures that just didn't "smell" right. In all things I expressed my opinion as persuasively as I could, because I felt it was my duty to a friend and to myself--from the perceptions and imperfect recollections that I gathered. 

I readily admit that my recollection is often selective. That my memory is full of holes. I tried to remain on the specific administrative actions of the board, but at times may have given the impression that I was being vindictive or spiteful. At this point I don't feel that, and with my spotty memory it's fruitless to discern my motives. Further, I often don't catch on that there are people upset with me, and when they are, I confess that often I lack the empathy I should have as an ideal saint to care. For that I apologize and can only throw myself upon your good graces in the hopes that I will someday be perfected. 

Those of you who can't seem to get over how bad my memory about all my faults may be... think of it this way... Chances are in a month I won't even remember half of the details of this exchange, or the people involved... because that's just how I operate.  When I say I don't hold grudges I honestly mean it... not just because I'm some saintly paragon of forgiveness but because I have not the physical memory capacity to keep track of every exchange... heck, I'm quickly approaching 5000 posts here alone...

If you desire a more personal apology than this, please PM me, and we can work out the specific details or post your thoughts below. I know this is perhaps too informal and perhaps looks like it is a stunt, but imo it was the only practical way to cover all who might be feeling hurt but didn't participate in the discussion.

Like I said before, I have not yet decided if I will stay here longterm. Coco knows the benefits and I sure would like to lose three inches and the amazing boon of time that is given when you spend less time online... I will continue to moderate in the Humor Forum for as long as Arbi thinks he can tolerate it, or until I officially leave. If you disagree with this, please feel free to open a thread in the moderation thread about ousting me. I'm fine with that too... If you need to get something off your chest, I don't have any problem with anyone offloading here or in any public or private place about my attitude, my personality, my quirks or my faults. I believe that through Christ I can change... and with yours and his good examples even desire to change...

Best regards,

--Ray