There is a child in the neighborhood who is about 8 yrs old. He lives with his single, very disabled mother. This boy creates A LOT of drama and problems with the other children in the neighborhood constantly. Yesterday as we were leaving for church, we were all in the car when we hear a HUGE THUD and see a large rock on the hood of our car. It dented the hood and also caused some of the paint to chip. My husband exited the car, calmly pick the rock up off the hood and set it aside. Went over to the boy and asked him what he was thinking? There were 2 other kids there as well. The boy said he was sorry, that he was throwing the rock at these other kids and missed. This was a large rock, a very heavy rock. Had it actually hit one of those other children it would have caused them some harm. We were going to be late for church so my husband told the boy to go home and tell his mother what had happened and that we would be over after church to speak with her. The boy started crying histerically and ran off. As promised, when we got home, we went over to talk to the mother. She had not been informed of what had happened so we filled her in. She is seriously disabled physically, as well as some mentally from what we can tell. She does not work and lives on all public assistance from what we hear. She broke down and started sobbing and asked how much we thought it was going to cost because "she doesn't have any money". which we figured anyway. my husband wants to just let it go. not hold them responsible financially in any way. I'm not saying we should try to get money out of them because I'm sure it would be like trying to get blood from a turnip. But I wonder if we should call the police and file a report-mainly because this mother does not hold her kid responsible. About 20 min after we had spoken with her, he was outside our house again, throwing rocks at two girls who live across the street. We went out and told the boy he is not allowed to throw rocks, and that he is not allowed anywhere near our car or house. So he left. But we heard he was causing problems down the street. so...what would you do? would you hold them responsible financially? or try to? would you call the police and file a report so the mother has to take the incident more seriously? what would you do?
I guess it would depend on how out of control the boy is and how much of good neighbors people in the neighborhood have tried to be in helping this lady with her son...
Otherwise, to be honest, if you call the police, they will likely get social services or children's protective services involved and the consequences for this struggling family could be something you are not intending...
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It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."
this boy is really a problem for his mom and the neighborhood. I guess the reason I would be willing maybe to get the police involved is because she really is not capable of holding this child accountable. When we first moved here we tried very hard to help this boy and his mom. We would take the boy in and feed him A LOT. He was constantly coming over for food. We tried to teach him some basic manners as he has none. I think the other neighbors in the 'hood are tired of trying to help because I can see from how much effort we put into it, there has been no change and mom seems to just not want to be bothered with her son. Out of sight, out of mind from what it seems. At some point I had to tell him if he wouldn't follow our house/yard rules he was no longer welcom here because he was mistreating my kids and very rude to us and destroying toys and things. He chose not to come back. He doesn't come around very often to our end of the street now, except of course yesterday. The situation is very frustrating.
I was going to suggest taking him under your wing. But as you've tried that, I'd probably go ahead and file a report. You know, getting the authorities involved is not always a bad thing. He's being neglected. The mother isn't in good enough health to care for him. You might be doing both of them a favor.
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"There is order in the way the Lord reveals His will to mankind. . .we cannot receive revelation for someone else's stewardship." L. Tom Perry
Also, as it seems the little guy is unrepentant about the rock throwing, it might be neccessary to get the authorities involved for the safety of the neighborhood children (and cars.) I can't say for sure what I'd do in your shoes, just because I'm not actually in them, but from what you describe I am leaning towards reporting it. I'd definitely pray about it first, though. Sometimes, the most logical answer isn't the thing that Heavenly Father wants us to do.
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"The promptings of the Holy Ghost will always be sufficient for our needs if we keep to the covenant path. Our path is uphill most days, but the help we receive for the climb is literally divine." --Elaine S. Dalton
In lieu of payment perhaps the boy could work off the debt. If there is no consequences though, he will keep doing it.
I think that's a good suggestion. Because if you do nothing then the kid will think he can get away with it. I would be hesitant to call the police too, that's a tough call. If he is about 8 years old, then he's old enough to know better. I would talk to his mom about it and tell her that since he continues to throw rocks at people and the fact he damaged your car you would like to make some sort of arrangement.
Otherwise, he will continue to turn into a miniature juvenile delinquent and at least his mother will be able to make him accountable in some way. She herself may think if she turns on the waterworks and gives her sob story then that's all that needs to happen to make a bad situation go away. It is unfortunate the situation she lives in, but she won't be able to use that excuse as the kid gets older. You may end up doing them both a favor.
I don't know what I would do. I would think having him work off a little of the debt with odd jobs would be good. Maybe someone could get him one of those spray gun contraptions that he could squirt water at people instead of throwing rocks.
And if you can give him some positive attention too!
I don't have an easy answer. All I have is a very difficult realities.
A mentally and physically disabled mom as the sole caregiver for a boy, is not sufficient. It is tantamount to child abuse. If this lady can't or won't take care of business, somebody sure should.
Given the OP, I can pretty much guarantee you that the govt will be stepping in to handle the kid in the form of police and juvie and courts and prison, if someone else does not.
LM
-- Edited by LoudmouthMormon at 17:50, 2007-11-12
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And I'd discuss the holy books with the learned men, seven hours every day. That would be the sweetest thing of all.
I am for reporting, esp since he went out 20 minutes later and continued throwing rocks. As this boy gets bigger and stronger, others will be at even more risk. A couple years ago in our area there was a woman- a newly wed- who was seriously injured (ie months in the hospital) due to somene throwing a rock from a hiway overpass. Yeah, it is good to care for this child and his mom. But you and your family, as well as your neighbors, deserve to live safely. If this child were my neighbor, I would hope I would still be kind. But I think I would report this, for your safety, his safety and that of others.
I was thinking that maybe this boy has attention deficit disorder with hyperactivity. They will do things after being warned or scolded not to do it and even when punished.
well after discussing it a lot and praying about it, we decided we should hold the boy accountable because he is not learning anything when his mother either can't or doesn't hold her son accountable. We decided to go over and talk with the mother about working out a plan so the boy could work off some of the debt. When we got there....we saw such a sight. It breaks my heart and at that moment I knew this mother needs more help than even we could give her. This boy basically over powers his physically disabled mom. He hits her and fights with her and she cannot do much about it. Her legs are crippeled and I think she has some other issues as well. While we were talking to her about the son working for some of the debt, he flipped out and started yelling and cursing and when his mom agreed to it he became abusive to his mom. Which of course my husband put a stop to right away. We did end up calling a police friend (well a friend of a friend) and discussing this issue and told him what we saw etc. Apparently this is an ongoing situation. THe police are called out on a regular basis. So we had the police come and we filed a report about our car and also about how we saw the son treating the mom. The mom needs help. She cannot parent him alone adequately. I could tell she felt so overwhelmed and at her wits end with him. I do not know if they will actually remove him from the home but at any rate I hope that somehow they get this child some help before he does grow up to be a delinquent.
I'm assuming there is no dad in picture. Does the boy have any other relatives in the area? Maybe contacting them and letting them know what is going on. I'm one of the first to say that taking a kid out of the home is a last case scenario but if this child is abusing the mom then the more time that goes by, the worse he will get. This child will grow into an adult with no sense of boundaries or consequences is something is not done very soon.
I was going to ask if the mother is able to take care of herself in any manner, but based on your saying he is physically abusive to her, it probably is moot anyway. He probably doesn't take very good care of her if she isn't able to care for herself.
It may be quite likely, if the mother is somewhat mentally handicapped, that the son inherited some of that as well.
Poor lady... doesn't sound like there is any father figure for the boy, and probably no extended family to help out either.
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It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."
coolcucumbers wrote:I do not know if they will actually remove him from the home but at any rate I hope that somehow they get this child some help before he does grow up to be a delinquent.
At this point, it seems that the only difference between him and a delinquent, is that delequents are 18 or older.
Here's hoping someone can make a difference and help him re-write his future.
LM
-- Edited by LoudmouthMormon at 18:45, 2007-11-13
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And I'd discuss the holy books with the learned men, seven hours every day. That would be the sweetest thing of all.
no, juvenile delinquents, by definition, are UNDER the age of 18.
Therefore, he already IS a juvenile delinquent. I hope they get him out of that home as soon as possible. Abusive relationships like that should not be tolerated.
A place such as Boys Town may the best place for such a troubled youth. Children can be agressive for different reasons. I hope they can find out why he is so violent and help him learn how to control his rages.
