Especially BADDDDDD Cop jokes... Arrest that joke... PLEASE!!!!

Ok, a real story from work:

"I need to see your drivers license, registration and insurance.", man hands me his temple recommend. In my head I'm thinking of saying, "do you want me to write void across that?"  Instead I asked what that was because it certainly did not look like a driver license.  I love thier looks when I say that. 

This one is edited. What they don't show is the conversation after he gets up. He talks about being shot, stabbed, etc and how nothing has ever hurt like the taser. I have to agree...it hurts.

http://www.guzer.com/videos/taser_works_well.php

Love the TR story Mirk. I drill(national guard) with a cop for Bountiful and he has shared many the humorous yet sad stories about the "Mormon 500" that occurs every morning. People somehow get upset when they get pulled over for speeding in order to get to the Temple in time for the early session.  And i't never for just a couple miles over the limit either, he says the ones that get the most upset are going substantially over the limit.

-- Edited by DaKnife at 22:11, 2007-11-14

-- Edited by DaKnife at 22:12, 2007-11-14

I am soooooo guilty of the Mormon 500... trying to get to the early morning temple session... though I don't think any of the cops here in the Seattle area are mormon... so they just don't care what reason I'm speeding. Got one ticket so far...

--Ray

When Cat and I lived in Orem a hundred years ago there was this cop who wrote this article in the local newspaper called "Police Beat." Cat and I enjoyed reading them. The guy himself was not a member of the church but he was friendly to the church. He wrote once about how when he first joined the force in that area and pulled a guy over for speeding. The guy handed him his TR and not knowing what it was the cop went over to his partner and asked him what it was and his partner told him and then said, "I have one too. Go give the creep a ticket."

The following week he had a couple of people write back and blast him for even suggesting anyone would do such a thing and how horrible he was for saying so. The week after that there were twice as many people blasting those people for blasting him. We thought it was pretty funny.

He wrote once, that if Happy Valley is 90% mormon, what do you think the percentage of the crime that goes on is committed by?

What!! And they didn't arrest the offender and impound his car! What an outrage!

Here's another one I read in the Pinecone:

"Carmel-by-the-Sea: A citizen on 11th Avenue reported her dog was involved in an altercation with a raccoon while outside in the owners front yard at night."

I wonder if the Racoon was charged or let off with a warning? If this happens on the farm we shoot the Racoon. If it happens in town you call the cops? I'm sure this is just the sort of call Mirk likes to get.

Darn Sgt! He probably wanted to shoot it himself. I hate it when they won't share. He's probably already shot several racoons already.

SWEET!!!!! Were they attacking your cousins?

I bet that made the news!

This is a true story and I'm probably going to subject myself to some ridicule for sharing it but I'm sure I made a cop's day when it happened.

My driver's license says I'm a female and has since I was 16 and first got it. Even in California it would be hard to mistake me for a woman but here I am with my principle source of identification saying I'm a woman.

I was the first person at the local DMV to get the new fangled driver's license with the hollograms and other goodies which were put into place to make it more difficult to make fake ones. The lady who administered my driving test was struggling a bit with the machine and I believe that is where the mistake was made. I didn't notice the problem on my temporary license until I got home. So I called the DMV and they said to come down and they would take care of it. The DMV is about 30 miles away so already I'm looking at driving an hour just to fix the problem but when you're a 16 year old male jock at the top of your game in highschool, you really don't want a driver's license that says you're a woman.

So I drive back to the DMV and wait in those endless lines that differ only from a Soviet Bread Line in that I will not be leaving with any bread. I get up there and show them the mistake and they tell me there is nothing they can do about it until my actual license comes in the mail. Now I'm livid. I've wasted a couple hours waiting in line and driving after being told to come in when I called. So I decide to do nothing when the actual license comes in the mail.

A few years later, my wife and I were dating (prior to our marriage). I pull the 1984 Mercury Cougar (5.0 liter 302 CID engine with electronic fuel injection) out of the KMART parking lot at night and forgot to turn on my lights until I was pulling onto the street. In my defense the lights in that parking lot were so bright that you could have gotten a tan. Well the cop sees me and flips on the lights. As I'm turning onto the road and flipping on my headlights. So I'm waiting there for the cop to walk up wondering what the future Mrs. sitting next to me is thinking about my stupid mistake. The cop walks up and asks for my driver's license and tells me that he pulled my over for the head lights not being on which is something people who are driving drunk often do. I explain to him that the bright lights in the parking lot etc.

So he's looking at my ID and asks if all the information is correct and I get kind of downcast and tell him that, "No, it isn't." You could see his demeaner change slightly as he steadied himself for whatever criminal confession I was going to make. Perhaps he thought he had caught a modern day Bonnie and Clyde for all I know. I proceed to tell him that the DMV decided to give me a sex change. He looked at me slightly confused, looked at my ID, looked at me, looked back at my ID, tried to fight back a smile, handed me my ID, walked away and said, "You folks have a nice night."

I vowed then and there to never change that part of my driver's license unless I had to!! The funny thing is that a couple years ago I had to go in and get my picture retaken. I also had to fill out a form to update my height, weight, etc. I updated those especially since I weighed a buck forty five at 16 and I weigh 200lbs now. Wouldn't you know it but that darn license came in the mail and I still weigh a buck forty five!

-- Edited by salesortonscom at 11:27, 2007-11-16

I'm sure he was dying of laughter as soon as he was out of ear shot.

And people wonder why I'm so against government run health care. When the DMV can give you a sex change, it's a bad sign.

Jase,

I'll never think of you the same way anymore.

So now, since you are married, we must assume that you are a lesbian, you know, attracted to women and then you went and married one.

Ah, the possibilities are endless.

M

Poncho29 wrote:

---

Well Jason if it makes you feel any better, according to church records from several years back Cat was never released from his mission. We've been living in sin for 19 years!

Just the same, Cat is going to laugh his head off I think when he finds out you're really a girl!
Does this mean you can relate to how Ralphie feels in "A Christmas Story" when he is forced to wear the pink bunny pajamas?

(Sorry, couldn't resist).

-- Edited by Poncho29 at 07:39, 2007-11-17

---

That is pretty good, Jason...

It was more than a few years ago, dear. We discovered the Church Records snafu at tithing settlement the first year we lived in Utah (we had been married about 1 1/2 years). And, I knew exactly who the clerk was who hadn't made the update on the records properly (this was all done before the big MIS system). A few years later, after we had moved back to Ohio from Utah, I served with this brother (who was ward clerk again) as an assistant ward clerk in that same ward... and I did tease him about it as he was a friend of the family. What he had forgotten to do was simply to put in the fact on my record that I had finished my mission and had been honorably released. He was quite embarrased. We just figured it explained why we were rich and famous yet... like you said, according to the records, I was still a full-time missionary and married no less!

Yes it's true. We're a couple of old farts.

At a certain point in life, exercise reminds you that your heart does beat and has the capability to sound like the classic song "Wipeout!"

This one is funny.

This one is funnier.

This one is the funniest.

Ok, I've got a good story told to me by a deputy.

He's out on patrol one night and comes across a car on the side of the road. He pulls over and walks over to talk to the driver who seems very nervous. The driver states that he's out of gas, but that his friend is on the way to help him, so he's fine and doesn't need any help. The deputy says, "You seem very nervous. Can I see your license and registration?"

The driver hands them over and the deputy says, "I'm gonna go run these. And when I come back we'll talk about what's got you so nervous." So, my friend runs the license and it's clear.

He heads back over to the nervous driver and asks, "Allright, so are you ready to tell me what you are so nervous about?"

The driver dejectedly answers, "This." and hands over a duffle bag full of dope.

Easiest drug bust. Ever.

Here is how I spent a chunk of last night:

http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=2231947

If you watch the video, as they do a closeup pan in to the car, that is my car on the left with the pretty lights.  I don't think there is any footage of me.  I spent 3 hours with the K-9 looking for the suspect.  It was rather cold out there last night...

No, but I have been called donut eater a few times.

Buddha.