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Post Info TOPIC: Ashes


Future Queen in Zion

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Ashes


Burning roses make the strangest smell,
Not like roses at all;
Carbonized love,
Not like love at all.
Ashes, ashes we all fall down.

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"The promptings of the Holy Ghost will always be sufficient for our needs if we keep to the covenant path. Our path is uphill most days, but the help we receive for the climb is literally divine." --Elaine S. Dalton



Understander of unimportant things

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Interesting. Doesn't make a lick of sense to me though in it's current iteration.

What is the poem saying? Needs more development before the last line, as that line doesn't fit for a reader who is not familiar with the background for the poem.

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Jen


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I like it.

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Keeper of the Holy Grail

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I like it, too. Reminds me of the Plague. thumbsup.gif

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Future Queen in Zion

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Cat Herder wrote:

Interesting. Doesn't make a lick of sense to me though in it's current iteration.

What is the poem saying? Needs more development before the last line, as that line doesn't fit for a reader who is not familiar with the background for the poem.



I'm not sure how the poem could be both interesting and not make a lick of sense to you at the same time. confused

I'm okay with this poem not being straight forward. Some of the stuff I is really only to amuse myself. Others can do with it what they will. People's tastes in poetry are personal and vary greatly. I, personally, like some blanks to fill in sometimes.

Did you actually want me to explain the poem or was that a rhetorical question to get me to see what you weren't getting?





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"The promptings of the Holy Ghost will always be sufficient for our needs if we keep to the covenant path. Our path is uphill most days, but the help we receive for the climb is literally divine." --Elaine S. Dalton



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Poetry is not supposed to be understood.

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"My Karma Ran Over My Dogma"


Understander of unimportant things

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hiccups, interesting in that it has potential. Doesn't make a lick of sense in that as a reader, I am left unfulfilled by having invested the time to read and think about it as it speaks nothing to me as the poem now stands. Even if the poet writes a poem just for him or her self, by sharing the poem with others, the poet is still trying to communicate something.

Don't know if you are familiar with Ted Kooser (former U.S. Poet Laureate) and his work. He has some really good thoughts and advice.

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It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."


Understander of unimportant things

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bokbadok wrote:

Poetry is not supposed to be understood.



Au contraire mon frair wink.gif


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It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."


Future Queen in Zion

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Cat Herder wrote:

Even if the poet writes a poem just for him or her self, by sharing the poem with others, the poet is still trying to communicate something.

Don't know if you are familiar with Ted Kooser (former U.S. Poet Laureate) and his work. He has some really good thoughts and advice.



Perhaps, I just just put it here to see if anyone would get it? Or what they would get? Or maybe I wrote it in a deliberately vague way so as to leave the reader unfulfilled?(Ok, no, I didn't. But the vagueness was deliberate.) I'm okay if no one gets it or if they get something different than I intended.

I read some of Kooser's stuff. I liked it okay. I'm sure he's a great poet, but I'm not neccessarily trying to be like him or even to be a great poet. I'm amusing myself and I share a few here to see if anyone else enjoys them.

It's just a little ditty. Free poem means no refunds.



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"The promptings of the Holy Ghost will always be sufficient for our needs if we keep to the covenant path. Our path is uphill most days, but the help we receive for the climb is literally divine." --Elaine S. Dalton



Understander of unimportant things

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I liked how the first two ideas were paralleled imagery wise. I just don't see how the allusion to Ring Around The Roses in the fifth line ties them together. Maybe earlier in the poem, you could do allusion to a ring of roses and a ring of love. Then introduce fire and use what you have already as the last five lines of the poem.

Of course, I'm assuming the message you are trying to get across is something about that which is beautiful can be something totally different when misused and the result is that everyone suffers... wink.gif (am I too far off?)

You have a talent, hiccups, no doubt about it!

I guess I'm from the Kooser school of clarity when it comes to writing poetry myself. When I first discovered him, I was like "Wow! I didn't know anyone who was anyone actually still wrote that way!" It actually encouraged me in my efforts!

Anyway don't mind me, just ask Poncho... she hates it when I critique or give ideas on her stuff too wink.gif

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It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."


Future Queen in Zion

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Ok, I think I'm just going to explain the poem. (Oh, and if you want to rewrite it the way you mentioned, feel free. I do not care to.)

Burning roses make the strangest smell,
They do. I've burnt roses.

Not like roses at all;
Really not. (So far, straight forward.)

Carbonized love,
Ok, here's the first small jump. Roses tend to be a symbol of love and tend to be given by someone to some other person they love. After burning the roses, you're left with black grime, ashes. Thus, the carbonized "love".

Not like love at all.
Old, burnt up love. Spent. Empty. Blackened shell. Dead. Messy, but no longer of substance. Ashes.

Ashes, ashes, we all fall down.
(This isn't about the ring around the rosies rhyme as a whole. Just this line.) Why was I burning the roses given to me as a symbol of someone's love? Am I angry? Is the romance over? Did I mess up? Did they?

So, "ashes, ashes, we all fall down" means dead (by plague?). And here it means dead love. Destroyed. All burnt up into ashes as I brought the symbol of that love (roses) into a state reflective of a dead romance (ashes.) And using a nursery rhyme line might hint at destroyed innocence.

"We all fall down" speaks to a belief that this kind of outcome is inevitable. Doomed to happen to everyone and possibly over & over.

So, this is a overly dramatic little poem aboutlove gone wrong in a serious way. I was sixteen-ish when I wrote it. And I honestly had no hope at that moment in time.

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"The promptings of the Holy Ghost will always be sufficient for our needs if we keep to the covenant path. Our path is uphill most days, but the help we receive for the climb is literally divine." --Elaine S. Dalton



Understander of unimportant things

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I wouldn't think of rewriting another's poem... biggrin.gif

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It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."


Senior Bucketkeeper

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Huh. I guess I understood the poem afterall. Cuz that's what I got from it: dead love and hopelessness.

Crazy...

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"My Karma Ran Over My Dogma"


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yeah, I totally got this image of a poet sitting there depressed and all they could do was burn the beauty that represented their feelings. I enjoyed the imagery. Thanks!

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