Yesterday, I taught the 11-12 year old primary/sundayschool class. While I was teaching I noticed that one of the boys laughed at the other when they would answer the questions seriously or had been asked to say a prayer. Sometimes one would attempt to ask a question put to them in the lesson, and they would get the answer wrong, and a boy would laugh at his friend. I had to tell the boys repeatedly not to laugh when they made mistakes, that it was okay to make mistakes in class, and that we were there to learn and to think. When one of the boys was asked to say a prayer and his friend razzed him about it, i turned to the second and very seriously said, "Never laugh at someone who is trying to do something good." He kept his peace after that.
It starts so simply, and so subtlely... But I couldn't help think that those laughs, and jeers, though fun and light-hearted as children, communicate doubts, shame and the belief that worship and study of Christ and the scriptures is a joke... we master sarcasm so young... nothing is truly sacred.
--Ray
-- Edited by rayb at 13:29, 2007-08-13
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I'm not slow; I'm special. (Don't take it personally, everyone finds me offensive. Yet somehow I manage to live with myself.)
Good job, ray! My class is the 7/8 year olds and they are so energetic... when things quiet down, I really have to be flexible and ready to get in "the good stuff" before the moment passes... :sigh:
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Life is tough but it's tougher if you're stupid. -John Wayne
Make the one who laughs sit on his hands. Palms up. Hands shoved all the way up to the wrists under his / her butt. Leave him /her like that for about 5 minutes. If he / she continues, make him / her sit on his / her hands, palms up, on the floor for another 5 minutes. If this does not work, inform the youth the whole class will get up and go look for said offender's parents, even if it means interrupting Gospel Doctrine so the youth can sit with his parent(s). The offender gets embarrased, as does the whole class, as do the parents.
Class rules must be explained before hand, with punishments for breaking them assigned. And then, enforce the consequences.
Peer pressure works both ways... adults too often forget that peer pressure is not just a symptom of the Dark Side.
p.s. if you love the kids, you aren't going defer to them for determining the atmosphere in which you are trying to invite the Spirit.
-- Edited by Cat Herder at 13:53, 2007-08-13
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It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."
Ray, I think it is the age. You did the right thing as an adult to set an example. Some children at that age are more mature. Also, some have already have received their testimonies. Peer pressure can be negative as well and encourage some who would behave not to do so. I think that it is so important at that age to keep the communication lines open.
With due respect Zealia, 11 - 12 year olds, particularly boys, revel in seeing what boundaries they can push, and what they can get away with.
Boys at that age are prime into establishing their social pecking order. Testimony or not, that will does not equate to maturity in 99.9% of them. They will eat up a teacher that shows the least amount of fear...
They typically mellow out from about 12 1/2 to 14... note, I said typically. At about 14 1/2 - 15, that is the most crucial time for retaining youth, because they once again get to a phase where they are trying to push boundaries and are also trying to understand who they are and what these changes thanks to puberty are doing to them. That is also the time that they are least likely to want Mom or Dad having heart to hearts with them. That is when it is important for other adults who are good examples in a ward to be there for the kids as mentors and advisors.
Without channeling peer pressure to the "Light Side" when youth are just making that transition from Primary to AP and YW, it is a sure bet that they will discover on their own how peer pressure works quite easily the other way around.
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It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."
actually, Cat, I simply talked with the boys about how they felt when they read the scriptures, and explained that in my class, if you don't understand something, you can raise your hand at any point and interrupt the discussion. I explained that interruptions weren't bad if they were for the sake of learning, and that it was natural to be excited and even distracted in class, but that our reason for being there was to learn.
Doing so very frankly and quickly, making sure not to single out one person for "embarrassment" actually seemed to go better than I thought it would. It was strange, but I felt the Spirit so strongly. We even had the fulltime missionaries come into our class and join us midway through the lesson because we were having such an "intense" study of the scriptures. (We were shouting, "Hosannah! Hosannah to the Highest!" with the door open (as is the Primary youth protection safety standard...) When they ask why the door has to be open, I explain that the people wandering the halls need to be taught the Gospel too... :) )
--Ray
PS> Besides, Cat... I don't think encouraging pubescent boys to put their hands anywhere near their nether regions is a really sound solution... ahem...
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I'm not slow; I'm special. (Don't take it personally, everyone finds me offensive. Yet somehow I manage to live with myself.)
Actually Zealia I don't recall Cat ever actually making his 11 year old boys put their hands under their butts. (Forgive me for mentioning the nether regions Jason). Or if he did, I don't recall him saying they actually did it. But he's right boys that age (at least in our ward) have a spectacular talent for testing the limits and seeing what they can get away with. Hey, I don't even think they have to be 11 or 12 judging by the way scout camp went last week.
Actually, the hands under the butt thing was what our Bishop made one of the older boys (like 14 - 15) do Sunday during Priesthood for talking out of turn while he was trying to have a heart to heart with the boys about their behavior at Scout Camp.
Saw it. Witnessed it. And it worked.
Boys in general defer to a strong leader, particularly if it is an adult. Too often, we adults forget the way boys think, and hence do not use that little fact to their own advantage. We step in and prevent the boys who are the duly called leaders with keys from doing their job, we forget to train them and mentor them to be leaders of righteousness. We do not expect them to live up to that. And, as a result, they end up developing a mob mentality that ends up seeking the lowest common denominator of behavior to challenge the leadership vacuum. Hence, peer pressure in this situation is a bad thing. But, boys encouraging the other boys to behave and do what is right is peer pressure that becomes a good thing. They learn respect for themselves, each other, leaders, and adults in an honorable fashion.
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It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."
Boys are interesting in that regard. They generally want strong leadership and role models even while grumbling all the way about what they are asked to do. They will respect authority when it is fairly used. If it is lacking, they will do whatever they want even to their own destruction. One need only look to the African American community which has the highest rate of single parents raising children of any ethnic group. Any wonder that our prisons have a higher rate of African Americans than any other ethnic group or that black on black crime is higher than black on any other ethnic group crime.
I also believe boys can be easily controlled with the use of coercion, cruelty, threats, pain, embarrassment and force. It doesn't necessarily make it right, and what may work in the short term with boys, often ends up creating a lot of additional problems in the future.
Sadly it also can lead to escalating abuse among the boys who think if it's good for the adults, it's even better for them.
I cannot say if in the given case you've discovered a new parenting technique that will work wonders, but I've found that boys are capable of suppressing their wills for a long time, serving missions, marrying in the temple, serving in callings, and then in a moment of weakness throwing all of that away, and claiming that they were living a lie all along...
--Ray
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I'm not slow; I'm special. (Don't take it personally, everyone finds me offensive. Yet somehow I manage to live with myself.)
