Tell the young ones the teens are still learning. They're learning how to appropraitely use their agency, and they're learning how to deal with changes in their bodies and life. (You don't have to get into the birds and bees...just increased hormones...like chemicals that make bodies respond differently than they're used to.)
I'd try to figure out why the teenager is behaving the way he/she is, and then try to explain it to the younger child.
(Sorry if that sounds self-evident - but it doesn't make sense to me to try and come up with some blanket explanation that explains all teenage behavior - I don't think one exists.)
I just tell my kids they (meaning teens) are Drain Bamaged (including my kids who are teens), and that if they keep it up or start imitating them, they too can be candidates for the prestigious Butt Head of the Week Award*...
*Da Fine Print: Notice of this award's existence does not infer award will be made, nor does it convey any rights, privileges, or promises to any person. No odds exist for winning of this award. No purchase necessary to enter contest, but paying money for entry will certainly increase one's chances of winning, as that is a clear evidence of Drain Bamaged behavior. Otherwise, acting like a "teenager" in ways that parents, at the local and familial level, deem Drain Bamaged shall constitute automatic entry to the contest. All judgements are final.
__________________
It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."
Or my personal favorite explanation for teen behavior, "You can't fix stupid." My kids know what that means. I also tell them if they want to act that way that "We have medicine for that sort of behavior, it's called work." something we are never short of on the farm. There's also the old fall back, "They're just too stupid to know any better".
Well, in that case, I'll just go off and play at my own house
Actually, in serious response to Ray's opening question... I don't know because it is not really something we've had to explain, other than to indicate that some (okay one) of their older cousins doesn't feel the need to listen to his parent's advise and has made some poor decisions and developed some poor habits as a result.
In our immediate family, we're pretty open as to if someone is grumpy or moody as to explaining and determining why the person is grumpy or moody and then when it is passed, to apologize. So, we don't have to go into the detail of explaining aspects of puberty and using that as an general excuse.
__________________
It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."
The question is more complex than you might first suspect... and I'm sure you all caught on... including cat (who imo gave the worst response so far) (That's for the Writer's Only response... grrrr...)
If you explain that the teen is messed up, you run the risk of communicating to the child who has yet to become a teen that he or she will be messed up... The complexity lies in the proper way to have a child both look forward to the future and not be scared of it, while knowing that they will face many challenges and not downplaying that aspect of it.
Sigh... why is Everything in life a tightrope act...
__________________
I'm not slow; I'm special. (Don't take it personally, everyone finds me offensive. Yet somehow I manage to live with myself.)
Seriously Ray... You have gotta learn to lighten up and say "I don't know why... that's just the way it is..." (A LOT) or you will NEVER make it through teen years.
Hubby and I ar at the end of those years... Adult children have new and EXCITING challenges to bless the family unit with! (NOOOOOT!)
Just make sure that they still realize that even though the teenagers may be angry/moody, they are still family and still need to be loved and included.
__________________
Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you.
— Oscar Wilde
Maybe everyone is picturing some fighting/bad mood/mouthing off behavior...?
I was more picturing the giggley whispering girls at the Mall who freak out when so-and-so shows up unexpectedly and they're torn between wanting to follow him or say hi or see what he's buying, and running away to check their hair. What turned into a relaxing girls' day out suddenly becomes stressful, tense and Why did I wear these pants? But then again, I think littler kids, even toddlers can figure out the monkey business on their own and I haven't had any ask 'why' so-and-so does such-and-such before... Even little kids are pretty savvy.
__________________
Life is tough but it's tougher if you're stupid. -John Wayne
Let me guess, Coco... you were one of those girls at the youth dances that always had to have at least two or three other girls go to the bathroom with you.
I remember one dance where like half the girls ended up in the bathroom and we guys thought it was sooo funny that we guys teased them by starting to pound on the door saying "You can't stay in there all night... you're gonna have to come out for air sometime and the guys are still gonna be here wanting to dance..." They weren't terribly amused, but we thought it was hilarious. I think the Stake YW leaders eventually had to go in and get the girls to come out and be sociable.
__________________
It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."
No, going to the bathroom was not the problem, it was the coming out... yeah, but you already covered that, I see. grrr....
I remember when I used to count how many times I danced (which meant how many times someone asked me cuz there was NO WAY I was asking a guy- ha!). Mom, I danced 5 times! (That's great, hon.) Mom, I danced 12 times! (Glad you had fun.) Mom, I only didn't dance to 2 songs! etc... Ah, the days of youth...
Then you get to like college age (or sooner it seems nowadays) where you realize you have this ... powahhh ... then it's all downhill from there.
__________________
Life is tough but it's tougher if you're stupid. -John Wayne
Oh, I just about died trying to keep from bursting out laughing here in the office not less than a minute ago. Folks on another account are using the conference room just across the aisle from my cube, and apparently it has a couple women and a couple men in there holding a meeting (with the door open). One of the men got up and announced he was going to the restroom and would be back in a minute. Then he said to the other man, "Aren't you coming? I mean, we have to go in pairs. Where is my purse, I am going to feel so naked without it..."
__________________
It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."
Today I took my children to a school playground. There was a teenage boy and girl there. The girl was wearing a sleeveless tube top and the boy and girl were very friendly. My kids just stood and stared at them. I watched helplessly as they soaked up everything that "promiscuous girl" did. It was heartwrenching, but I bit my tongue. I am getting to the point where nothing I say sinks in anyway. I don't want to give up, but it really does exhaust me when I consider what's at stake. :)
I wish I didn't feel this way. I just do.
--Ray
__________________
I'm not slow; I'm special. (Don't take it personally, everyone finds me offensive. Yet somehow I manage to live with myself.)
Mrs. Cat and I were talking about this last night, after my rather exasperating evening with 2 of my 3 current 11 year old Scouts.
For Scoutmaster minute, I ended up lecturing the boys about "I invited you over as guests to my home for Scouts tonight, knowing it was a beautiful day and summer time and you guys would not want to be stuck at the Church in a classroom, but you guys were more interested in acting like wild baboons than focusing for a few minutes on some simple scout craft skills. Had you focused and gotten the tasks done, I could have signed you off on some advancement stuff and then we could have gone over to the school for a nature walk and flying kites. I am really disappointed in you. I'm your Scout leader, not your babysitter. We are only allowed to meet twice a month, yet you boys want to meet every week. But, it ain't gonna happen if you guys can't show you are willing to act like Scouts when we do get together for patrol meeting, be it at Church, at someone's house, or on a field trip. You guys are 11 years old, do I have your promise you will not behave like wild baboons anymore when we're supposed to be doing Scout stuff?"
Anyway, I pretty much knew this was going to happen, which is why I planned on having the meeting away from the Church last evening. Need to have this sort of talk with my boys every few months. It is just in their nature to act silly and unfocused to task, particularly if nothing more is expected of them.
And it is a pattern that I've seen for the past several years since I've been in this ward. I love the youth, and I love their parents! I am envious to some extent that I don't get to play a bigger part in mentoring them (not my calling and my talents and capacity are not as great as those who are the class / quorum advisors), but I also am grateful for what The Lord does trust me with concerning the young people in our "village".
Anyway, back to the pattern. The pattern is that teenagers will behave exactly as they are expected to behave. They push the envelope, as it is part of their maturing process into becoming emotionally and socially independent. But, if parents are too afraid to set explicit boundaries (in love and firmness when necessary), explaining the reasons in terms they understand, from a young age, the kids are going to grow up acting in a manner that reflects their developed feeling they are entitled to behave however they want and it is okay. If they are not expected and trusted to behave in an appropriate fashion, they will have no reason to do so. We have one pre-teen daughter that is sometimes a royal pain here at home. We love her, but we are also quick to correct and remind her of what the expectations are. Are we concerned about her seeming rudeness to her younger siblings and selective hearing to Mom and Dad? You betcha. But, we have found that she gets compliments from her Primary teachers and other adults in the ward for being one of the most polite and dependable kids at Church. And, there was never a complaint about her behaviour (other than she sometimes talks more than she would do school work when it was time) at school from her teachers. As parents, we realize that we are getting through to her, because she obviously behaves away from the family to show she knows what is expected of her.
Me and my siblings were always told by our parents to remember who we were. Some folks may feel that puts unfair guilt on a child. I don't. We all turned out pretty good as a result of not wanting to cause embarrasment to our parents or family by bad behaviour. So, when I see teens that are acting like they are candidates for the prestigious Butt Head of the Week Award , there is the question that automatically makes me wonder what the parents have taught them and what their expectations of their children are. Whether a child / teen behaves good or poorly in public, it gets back to the parents eventually, so if a parent is not concerned about it, the kid is not going to be concerned either.
__________________
It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."
(That's for the Writer's Only response... grrrr...) 
