I regret...

rayb · Hot Air Balloon

I regret...

Cocobeem · Keeper of the Holy Grail

What didja do?

I give better contributions if I have a bit more detail...

I'm not much of a regret person myself. Probably cuz I'm way more focused on the future in general than the past. That's where my thoughts turn automatically.

arbilad · Head Chef

I'm guessing that he smuggled illegal aliens across the border in his family vehicle.

zealia · Profuse Pontificator

I have had my share of regrets. God's love is what has allowed me to let it go as much as I have. I do think that we can try to show that we regret something by making concerted efforts to make up for it if possible. If it was a sin of ommission, we can try to do that act of good in other settings. Regret can be good as it can motivate you. You have to be careful that you are not feeling regret or guilt in an unhealthy way. Ray, you do a lot of good and I believe your heart is in the right place. One thing I have learned about life is that it can be humbling. I have also been blessed in ways that I do not believe that I deserve. I hope for many blessings for you!

Valhalla · Profuse Pontificator

I try not to contemplate on my regrets, far too depressing.

Roper · Senior Bucketkeeper

No regrets.

If I went back and changed things, I wouldn't have the wisdom gained from the experience.

Maybe the only thing I would have done differently in my life is starting my teaching career earlier. But then I wouldn't have as many real-world experiences to connect to, so maybe not.

I haven't always had this perspective. Something happened about the time I turned forty: I made peace with my past, gained joy in the present, and received hope for the future. I don't know exactly how all that happened, or what series of events led to it. It was like I just woke up one morning and realized that life is good.

Cat Herder · Understander of unimportant things

There is a difference, at least in my mind, between regrets and feeling guilt.

For example, I still regret not having the courage to tell other kids in first and second grade to stop teasing certain class mates. Or, I regret that again in high school as a junior, I didn't have the courage to tell a loudmouth jerk senior in my German class to lay-off saying rude things that included derogatroy innuendo to the cheerleader who sat next to me, particularly since the teacher was laughing it up with most of the rest of the guys in the class. But, I do not feel guilt since I did not laugh along.

I feel regret that I never had the guts to ask certain girls out in high school even though later on after graduating friends relayed rumor that she may have liked me. But, I don't feel guilty about it since the girls were not members of the Church and may not have held the same standards I did.

I feel regret for associating with certain guys who got into assorted minor juvenile problems (like related in the opening post) in junior and senior high or who had foul mouths and sometimes filthy minds, but I do not feel guilty about it because I did not take part in those activities and in some respects was an influence for good on some of those guys.

I regret the time, spirituality, and perhaps even opportunities I have lost to sins I have committed, but when I have repented of them and received forgiveness from The Lord and forgiven myself, I no longer feel guilt for what I did wrong.

PollyAnna · Senior Bucketkeeper

I truly wish I were not so stubborn and pigheaded about some stuff... There have been in my life occaisions when it takes me so long to learn a lesson it's a bit embarrassing the 3rd 4th or 5th time around (like allowing a co-worker to irritate me on purpose, and then saying things that I know should not...) ashamed

Still, over all I don't feel lots of regrets. Guilt has it's purpose as a way of hwlping me to change my behavior when I have done something wrong... but I try not to let my heart be eaten up by useless guilt. As I get older I get better about changing... so the guilt gets dealt with more immediately/effectively as that catalyst for change...

A very wise SP once told me that regrets and guilt for things that you have already repented of are tools of the adversary... He wants us to feel we are dirt... less than dirt actually... Misery love company and all that... blankstare

Valhalla · Profuse Pontificator

What about regrets to decisions made when just didn't understand/know enough and made the best decision you could, but later when you know more and there is nothing you can do? Something that could have made your life so different?

Crap...now, I feel real bad. Thanks, Ray! wink

Ros · Senior Member

I regret eating that whole Brazilian Feast for lunch yesterday.

I regret my lack of sunscreen at the waterpark on Monday.

I regret the stupid things I did in my youth that most likely caused certain blessings to pass by. I don't regret the wisdom gained--wisdom is good--but I can't pretend I'm better off for it. I would most certainly be as close or closer to eternal goals if I had been completly faithful.

I regret time wasted feeling regret.

So...
I walk an extra couple of miles each day this week..
And wear sleeves for the next waterpark trip..
And take what the Lord gives me, which is vast, and strive to be prepared for any adventure he sends me on...
And stop thinking things would be better if only.....(it's really not true)

And sometimes I just have a rootbeer float and sit on the porch reading a good book about someone elses regrets....that always works.

salesortonscom · Wise and Revered Master

I regret that I don't take more time to raz Ray!

Euphrasie · Senior Bucketkeeper

Ros wrote:
And sometimes I just have a rootbeer float and sit on the porch reading a good book about someone elses regrets....that always works.

Sounds good to me!

Ros · Senior Member

Truthfully, Ray, I am a "non-contented"-type person. I don't know how to correctly name it.

But, I always want more or something different or to do something big...or something. It's a curse. I'm glad I never fell into addictive substances, I'm afraid it would have been disasterous.

So, I could sit and regret every detail of my life forever..

I can't fall into that hole, so I avoid it with all my strength.

rayb · Hot Air Balloon

Good for You Ros. I am learning to do the same thing. I appreciate the responses. I'm convinced this is just a phase I'm going through... when I have all knowledge and wisdom I'm sure I'll get over all the ridiculous aspects of my nature. :)

Just trying to avoid God's bulldozers... and I just ate half a box of chcoloate covered cream wafers...

--Ray

zealia · Profuse Pontificator

Ray, you are supposed to eat equal proportions of strawberry and vanilla with those chocolate wafers. You really should have regret!

Roper · Senior Bucketkeeper

Valhalla wrote:
What about regrets to decisions made when just didn't understand/know enough and made the best decision you could, but later when you know more and there is nothing you can do?

Why should someone regret that? If I make the best decision based on the light and knowledge I have, then I have met the expectation my Father has for me. He doesn't expect more, so why should I?

I'm all for feeling regret and remorse that leads to repentance. If I still feel regret when the Lord has offered forgiveness, then I haven't fully accepted His gift yet.

rayb · Hot Air Balloon

Logically it makes sense, Roper. If only my mind were more orderly and logical... Satan hits us often with these sorts of thoughts and in our emotions.

Sometimes logic is cold and rigid and unyielding--kinda like Justice when we seek Mercy...

Ultimately one of the things that really has helped me through the last difficult time has been reading Chapter 14 (http://scriptures.lds.org/en/mosiah/14) of the book of Mosiah. The language is beautiful and uplifting... and rekindles my soul's hope...

--Ray

Roper · Senior Bucketkeeper

Ahhh, Isaiah. I wish I knew enough Hebrew to read the original. Even translated, the language is beautiful.

Ray, my apologies for the rational approach where empahty would have served better. This is where I struggle so much with some of the things my beautiful bride endures--I understand maybe a day or two of regret or "what ifs" or "will it ever be better." An enduring struggle with those feelings are beyond my experience, and so I struggle with providing empathy and compassion instead of quick rational answers.

I often wish I could feel my way through things as well as I can I think my way through things.

Valhalla · Profuse Pontificator

Roper wrote:

Valhalla wrote:
What about regrets to decisions made when just didn't understand/know enough and made the best decision you could, but later when you know more and there is nothing you can do?

Why should someone regret that? If I make the best decision based on the light and knowledge I have, then I have met the expectation my Father has for me. He doesn't expect more, so why should I?

The problem is that when you understand more and realized you should have made a different decision. A decision that affects your whole life and now you can do nothing about it. Not necessarily about expectations of God, but what you wanted.

I know I'm rambling. Sometimes life just sucks and there is nothing you can ever do and are screwed whether you make a right or wrong decision, or neither is wrong and yet no matter your screwed or maybe one choice would have been better but you could not know that at the time. Sometimes I wish God would just jump in and say no or yes, especially when consequences are impossible to see, especially when you thought what you were doing what was right. cry

Organist · Senior Member

What about (resolved) skeletons in your closet? Would any of us want to be in the limelight with our histories? Even though we have repented, made restitution, confessed to those who need to know, and everyone has moved on, are there things that media or enemies would pounce on if you were to ever gain a position of prominence? Apostles and high office political candidates have to go through this often.

Paul and Alma met their regrets straight on, acknowledged them openly, then spent the rest of their lives working to reverse them. Today's character destruction crusades seem to be much viler than the past and tools to dredge up long dead histories are easy to find and use.

Do you think in interviews to become an apostle these things come up? How do you protect the good name of the church while still allowing the full blessings of the atonement?

Cat Herder · Understander of unimportant things

Organist wrote:

What about (resolved) skeletons in your closet? Would any of us want to be in the limelight with our histories? Even though we have repented, made restitution, confessed to those who need to know, and everyone has moved on, are there things that media or enemies would pounce on if you were to ever gain a position of prominence? Apostles and high office political candidates have to go through this often.

Paul and Alma met their regrets straight on, acknowledged them openly, then spent the rest of their lives working to reverse them. Today's character destruction crusades seem to be much viler than the past and tools to dredge up long dead histories are easy to find and use.

Do you think in interviews to become an apostle these things come up? How do you protect the good name of the church while still allowing the full blessings of the atonement?

That is an interesting thought. I used to worry about it quite a bit (of course that was when I was younger and more foolish and thought that some day I would be some sort of a big whig).

Now this is just my opinion, but I came to the point that I don't worry about it much anymore. I figure that in the day we go before The Lord, everything about us will be made known public -- you know, there is some scripture somewhere that talks about every secret or mystery being spoken of from the rooftops.

And then I wondered how in the world could this be that absolutely everything about a person would be common knowledge if we're taught that when we repent and are forgiven by The Lord, He remembers them no more (and it really is meant forgotten, the stain blotted out, clean as pure wool, white as snow despite the sin being as crimson).

And as I grew to understand better how the Atonement works, in some way we as mortals can't fully comprehend, His blood acts as a cleanser to remove the stains of the blood and sins of our generation (which we are the culprits individually of placing on us). It is indeed an ironic, yet beautiful symbol.

So, I figured Isaiah was more correct than my understanding on the whole thing of all secrets being told about a person from the rooftops when putting it into context with the Atonement.

I have now come to feel, and again this is just my opinion, that only the things we have not repented of will become common, public knowledge at the day we stand before The Lord. And, this does indeed provide great comfort, peace, and hope! Otherwise how can one really feel like they can forgive themselves if it is all going to come back and haunt them in front of countless billions at the day of judgement!

Now, if some of the consequences of what we have done wrong come back to haunt us in this life, well, that is part of what one has to go through and may be unavoidable. The Atonement does not remove all mortal consequences. It simply removes the eternal consequence for sin when one repents.

palmon · Senior Member

On memorial day, I watched a documentry about LDS soldiers and WWII. One man's comments really stood out. He told of killing an enemy or possibilbly more. Even knowing that what he was participating was right and good, he still carried the burden of taking another man's life. The only way he could deal with it was not to. To bury it deep inside and not think of it.

In a lot of ways, sin and regrets are like that. We cannot change the past nor can we change the memories. Once repented of, we need to put them away and refuse to dwell on them. We need to refuse to keep bringing the memories up and constantly reviewing them.

The only thing we can do, is to go forward. To stand up tall and walk forward. If whatever we did tarnished our reputations, by standing up, going forward and refusing to continue whatever it was - our reputation will be restored.

I read an article about Angelina Joline. It told of the wild child she was and how one day she changed and detrimined to do good in the world. Now, the way the world looks at her is completely different from the wild child she was.
Wait, maybe she wasn't the best example. Or maybe she is.

I have a lot of regrets. Of my stupid teenage years. Of the many, many things I did wrong as a parent. If I did not put these things into the past and kept dwelling on them - I would never get up.

Too bad we don't keep bringing to our rememorance all the good and great things we've done in the past. We usually do a great job of buring those.

Roper · Senior Bucketkeeper

You know, I do have some regrets.

In my middle-school algebra class, there was an obese kid named Jim who had some social integration problems. In setting up a class story problem, the teacher said something like, "Let's say you had a thousand-foot rope," to which Jim blurted out in a nasally voice, "I've never seen a thousand-foot rope before." Before I even thought about it, I responded in a loud derisive voice, "Why don't you look at your belt?" Everyone laughed, even the teacher, and I felt really cool for about 45 seconds. Jim was quiet in class for the rest of the year.

I regret that I was cruel to another person. I regret that for a while I thought my meaningless, insecure, and utterly selfish feeling of fleeting popularity was more important than another person's feelings of dignity and self worth.

I would go back and change that if I could. Perhaps, as a teacher, I'll get a chance to atone for that in some small way.