Today during sharing time, a 9 year girl in my class turned to me, looked at me, and asked me this question, in a very sweet tone, "Are you considered a mother?". My answer, "No". Then I whispered and said I don't have children, so I am not a mom.
Usually if I am asked if I have children I will say "no I'm not married" though I will say " but I wish I had kids". I know the "typical" LDS/"Mother's Day" answer might be to say, yeah, because I can have the chance to be a mom in the next life. Or I could say I get the chance to act like a mom for a brief time in primary type callings. Or I could say I get to "mother" to people in my work capacity. Or I could say I have demonstrated motherlike attributes to my little brother and sister.
However, I feel that though we can demonstrate these attributes in our lives, I don't want to have to say I am when I'm not. If this child had asked me that question about another primary teacher, maybe someone who is single or someone married but w/o children, I would have emphasized the info in the second paragraph to the child and said so and so demonstrates lots of motherlike attributes.
Anyway, I feel I was honest in my reply to this child but perhaps it didn't have the "faith" that it should have? I think I was a little frustrated w/the comment in anotherwise wonderful sacrament talk, the speaker mentionned being grateful for the trust the Lord had placed in him due to being able to have children. A woman said a similar comment recently as well. I know the indiviudals would be mortified if they knew how that comes across to me, ie "so Nitasmile has no kids, so the Lord doesn't trust her." (ETA: I would never think this way about others yet in moments of negativity, I think that way for myself). I know it is totally faulty reasoning. So I think this is why I replied to this child the way I did.
Thoughts other than that I am too sensitive? Would you want a primary teacher to say it like it is or go on about the attributes of fatherhood/motherhood and the chance for kids in the next life.
I believe you did just fine Nita... My kids as teenagers probably wouldn't have caught all the nuances of a deeper answer, kids just want the simple amswer most of the time.
I can't have kids. I'm not a mom. Whether or not I can BE a Mom later through adoption or the eternities is irrelevant -- in the present tense I am not a Mom. It doesn't bother me, it's just a plain and simple fact, same as the fact that I am not an astronaut. I could become an astronaut if I so chose and did the work for it, later or in the eternities, but that doesn't make me an astronaut now. And just because I like science and math like an astronaut still doesn't make me an astronaut. It has nothing to do with faith, either -- I have faith I will be a mother someday, I'm just not a Mom now. So I think you answered just right.
Thank you Dyanny, I LOVE THAT ANALOGY!! that is great, thank you. It's like we aren't supposed to feel the pain because of the hope in the eternal promise.
Ray, I think most of us will be astronauts of a sort. We'll have to explore and learn how the universe is put together to be able to put together our own. And we'll have potlucks and big parties every time one of us does a practice planet. Even if you DID put too much oxygen in the atmosphere and it burst into flames.
Ray, I think most of us will be astronauts of a sort. We'll have to explore and learn how the universe is put together to be able to put together our own. And we'll have potlucks and big parties every time one of us does a practice planet. Even if you DID put too much oxygen in the atmosphere and it burst into flames.
Our universe is full of practice planets. I can't wait to make cool planets with stargates connecting them.
Nita, I agree with the consensus that you answered correctly. Children are very literal and I doubt that she was thinking "Mother in Zion." type thinking when asking you this. There are many fine woment that do not get the opportunity to have children or adopt children who would make fantastic mothers. There really is no proof in worthiness or goodness in having children. Look at all the abuse and neglect in this world at the hand of mothers or fathers. I think that is is more correct to recognize that as a parent that we have responsibilities as God is giving us one of his precious Spirit children to raise. I remember a woman who was working in social services where unwed young mothers seemed to be laughing about the fact that they could go on welfare. If they kept their children, I am sure they soon learned that there is nothing funny or easy about being a mom. Just to keep them alive takes so much work. This woman was able to adopt later.
I do value all the mini moments I have. Once I had a chance to tuck my cousin's son in bed when he was still rather young. One of my missionary companions used to go to someone's house to tuck the children in bed. If I were more able to go places or have company, I could share in the joy of my best friend's children to my hearts content. I also could be more active in the lives of my baby nieces. I try to be in their lives in the best way that I am able. And I don't feel I deserve the sweet moments that I have recieved from them.
{Needing a stress relief moment...} As to the original scenario presented, I would say "Dude, I'm a guy! No way am I now, was, or ever will be in any sense a mother!" In fact, I've probably had that sort of conversation with 4 1/2 year old mini-beserker warrior son, after which (in Darth Vader voice) I have said "Mini-beserker warrior son, I am your father!"
Best not to confuse kids with concepts beyond their mental capacity to understand, says me... So, that being said, all y'alls... stop talking above my level!
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