I was listening to the radio this morning as they were discussing the change in Olympia over school curriculum and the banning of abstinence only education. It was disturbing to hear the "socially conservative" relate the 'best advice his father gave him about sex' summed up as... "If you go to bed with someone, make sure you'd be proud to walk down the street holding hands with them." He was almost embarrassed (it seemed to me) to mention marriage as an important factor in sexual commitment. I was so mad I wrote him a letter... (Something I pretty much have never done, save the one time our church asked us to write letters expressing our opinions on marriage...)
--Ray
Here's a copy of the letter I wrote...
To John Carlson:
I was surprised to hear you confess (as a social conservative) that your father's advice about sex was "Don't go to bed with someone who you're not afraid to walk down the street with…" Is that really what is considered conservative?
I would think at least a social conservative would hold to the advice "Don't go to bed with someone you don't intend to marry."
I believe that it should be taught to every kid that If you have sex you should be willing to commit yourself to the consequences of having a family, and all that goes with that... Otherwise what is the choice when an unexpected pregnancy occurs? Marriage or what? Leave the girl? Sure you could walk down the street with her, but now that you're pregnant, I'd like to walk down the street with someone else? If we are honest about our conservative hatred of abortion, and with the fact that no form of birthcontrol (other than abstinence) is a perfect preventative to pregnancy, it's the ONLY socially responsible solution.
I'm Mormon. I grew up in some liberal areas, but always assumed that other conservatives received the same advice as me, which was regarding marriage and no sexual relations until after marriage. My parents raised seven kids (six were boys) on that philosophy (And I'm raising five, though they're all quite young right now) and we all managed to adhere to it. We are all seven of us college educated (all with Master's degrees or better). All raising children in families of our own. All married. No divorce. We're all gainfully employed, taxpaying contributors to society all around the country.
It can be done.
I believe sex is a great part of life, but it is only a part. So often it is the focus. Children raised solely upon popular media outlets grow up thinking there are no alternatives. Sex has the potential to ruin lives or greatly enrich it, but without some bit of discipline and encouragement for restraint, exactly which choice will be the common one?
Olympia's actions to ban abstinence education and promote lifestyles that do no lead to long lasting familial relations, only further isolate folk such as myself from public education and from the children trapped within the education system who become peers to my children. It is discouraging. It destroys the choices and options educators and families have.
I agree with you, there is no good reason for teens to have sex.
But… The whole focus of education is to get children to USE what they learn. You don't just teach kids to count or do math problems, you teach them to apply math to their lives. You don't just teach kids to read, you teach them to read to learn more, to use the skill they learn. So now we're teaching our kids about all sorts of sexual mechanics and we don't expect it to impact their lives? Kids don't get pregnant because they don't know. They get pregnant because they're hormonal, they are pressured into thinking they're not normal if they don't put out, peer approval is important, and now they're being told that sex should be a part of their relationships?
Why should I be required to choose between my religion and my community? Did I do something to damage society by being morally upright and encouraging others to do the same? Why do I feel like I'm a criminal for encouraging in my children behaviors that will keep them safe until they are old enough to make informed decisions about what they want out of life—and will ensure the possibility of a prosperous future for (and existence of) my grand children and the generations that follow?
Where's the education about the shame, the obsession, the mental scars, physical scars, the embarrassment, the lack of self respect, the physical appetites out of control, the shame felt by partners and the feelings of betrayal that come in immature, unrestrained relations—kids who resort to violence against themselves and others because of a bad breakup, or confusing feelings, or they were just too young to have the wisdom to see what was going on in them… before their brains and bodies are even fully developed—all this going on before a kid reaches high school and is legal to drive a car!?
Exactly how is this a good thing for our society?
I hope that in your discussions about sex with others in public forums you will mention that there are many of us who not only believe in moral chastity, but we live it. It is viable and it leaves no baggage. Quite honestly, I don't think to myself, 'Boy! I wish I'd had lots of sex with all sorts of people.' I'm glad I don't have to wonder if there're children out there without a daddy because of youthful indiscretions which I can't seem to keep track of… When I see men my age (approaching 40) who still haven't settled down, or even moved out of mommy's basement with their Xbox as their companion each night, I think I must've done something right to be able to hug my dear wife, my four daughters and one baby son each night, and dream of families yet to come from here to eternity…
I hope that abstinence 'til marriage remains a conservative ideal (recognizing, of course, that we don't always live up to our ideals).
May our country always remain free for all people and blessed from on High,
--Ray Bingham
(Maple Valley, WA)
PS> The Commentators is a fantastic Radio Show... Both you and Schram are fantastic...
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I'm not slow; I'm special. (Don't take it personally, everyone finds me offensive. Yet somehow I manage to live with myself.)
Great letter... perhaps I'm raising a little "ray"in my brood of 6 boys and a girl. That would be great. I come from a family of 7 also. All seven have degrees beyond a bachelors... all married colledge graduates. All 7 of the sons and sons-in-law have served as bishops... but I think that's a fluke.
Great letter.
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no unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing... the truth of God will go forth till it has penetrated every website, sounded in every ear, till the purposes of God shall be accomplished and the great Jehovah shall say the work is done
Bravo! The only thing you left out was the second part of the abstinence / chastity standard... abstinence until marriage, complete fidelity in and after marriage.
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It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."
That was a really good letter, Ray. So often people act as if abstinence before marriage and fidelity after is a totally unrealistic expectation. But many millions of people over the history of this Earth have managed it. What's more, I think keeping the law of chastity is more fun. But so often, I have heard people say stuff like, "Oh, but how will I know if we are sexually compatible before we are married?" My rebuttal has always been that if you enjoy each other's company, and you both have the requisite equipment in working order, then you can have a fun and fulfilling married sex life. Sexual intimacy and emotional intimacy are very closely linked; no one, in my opinion, is as emotionally intimate as a married couple (as long as they're both striving to be Christlike). But abstinence is very unpopular right now. Apparently there's some Colorado law that requires sex ed in schools to focus on abstinence, and you should hear how much complaining and moaning there is.
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If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude than the animated contest of freedom, go from us in peace. May your chains sit lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen! - Samuel Adams
I think that being sexually chaste before marriage implies fidelity after... It certainly makes it a lot easier, if you've demonstrated the discipline to get to marriage via the Law of Chastity.
--Ray
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I'm not slow; I'm special. (Don't take it personally, everyone finds me offensive. Yet somehow I manage to live with myself.)
I never understood why so many parents don't care about their kids suffering from the effects of immorality. It is almost as if some actually delight in their children messing up their lives. Maybe then they feel better about their own mispent youth. The whole concept of the value of chastity has been lost on the world. As Ray likes to say, "Yea for Sin!"
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God Made Man, Sam Colt Made Him Equal.
Jason
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Bountiful -> Current Events -> Sex Before Marriage: Social Conservatism: and Sex Ed in school: Ray wrote a letter...
(Something I pretty much have never done, save the one time our church asked us to write letters expressing our opinions on marriage...) 
