Ideas for Home Teachers

Roper · Senior Bucketkeeper

Ideas for Home Teachers

rayb · Hot Air Balloon

Kinda sobering to think we hold the key to making the world happy and fighting all the evils in it... makes me wanna jump up and down for joy... ahem...

--Ray

Roper · Senior Bucketkeeper

I tried something new last night.

About two hours before our first appointment, I asked my son, who is my HT companion, to read the Ensign article and choose three things to discuss that he felt would benefit the two families we were scheduled to visit.

He retired to his room for about 90 minutes. When he came out, he said, "Dad, this is a really good article. I underlined a lot of things I think will help. I'll just kinda, you know, follow the Spirit and talk about the ones that are important at the time."

Who are you, and what have you done with my son? You know--the fifteen year old whose biggest concerns in life are making sure his hair is perfect and getting equal time on the Game Cube.

During our visits, he did his part very well. He taught me. His perspectives on some of the principles from the article were ones that I would have never considered on my own. And they were precisely the ones to emphasize with our families. I caught little glimpses of what he will be like as a missionary.

When did this playful boy start becoming a man? I'm still shaking my head in disbelief this morning.

Cat Herder · Understander of unimportant things

I haven't seen our January magazines yet... Nor have I seen my current home teaching companion since the first week of December... Guess I should give him a call and see how he is doing so we can start the year out right and get all our families visited.

I hate being teamed up with another adult, having to deal with their schedule in addition to the families' schedules. And invariably, everyone wants to try and get it all done on Sundays. I know for certain that not every young man AP holder in our ward goes with their dad, so why aren't they teamed up with some of us Elders? About a year or so ago, I did get a young man as companion after I specifically requested one, but it only lasted like 2 months because someone got upset that he wasn't with his father. I can live with that, so long as the son and the father were teamed up. But, families with multiple sons in AP, only one gets to be a hometeacher? Yeah, we're teaching the young men at an early age to take hometeaching seriously now, arent' we... just like the way we sporadically send them out every two or three months to collect fast offerings...

I'm envious (but not in a prideful way ) of you Roper, that you have one of your sons as your companion...

If my oldest son were not mentally handicapped, he would be ordained a Priest in a little over a week, and more than likely I would be able to have had him as my companion. But, no such luck on my part. I have to wait another 8 years before I have my own son (#2) old enough to be ordained a Deacon and become my companion.

Roper · Senior Bucketkeeper

Cat Herder wrote:

About a year or so ago, I did get a young man as companion after I specifically requested one, but it only lasted like 2 months because someone got upset that he wasn't with his father.

I'm not aware of any official policy that states father and son have to be companions. I thought that was a tradition--more of a courtesy to the ones who want to work together. Our oldest son is companions with the EQ prez.

We have a number of young men who don't have active dads, or just live with their mom, etc. We have them assigned with Elders who don't have AP sons.

I learned something a few years ago: When a young man schedules the appointments, families suddenly become much more flexible in their schedules. We've instructed the YM in our ward to say something like, "Brother Roper and I would like to visit your family on either Tuesday evening at 7:30 or Saturday morning at 9:30. Which time will work best for your family?" We rarely get turned down, and when we do, the family almost always requests a reasonable time.

Euphrasie · Senior Bucketkeeper

When a young man schedules the appointments, families suddenly become much more flexible in their schedules.

Really? Why do you think that is? Are they just trying to encourage the young men in doing good things?

salesortonscom · Wise and Revered Master

All six of my home teaching families are not active. One has asked me to please leave him alone as he and his family have another religion. One other is a partial member family. I feel fortunate to even leave a prayer in their homes most times. My spiritual message has to be pretty generic in most cases. Invitations to attend church meetings and activities are always extended. Pretty fustrating. They tried to assign four more inactive families to me but being the elder's quorum secretary at the time I reassigned them because there was no way I would have the time for ten families each month and give them any sort of real hometeaching experience.

I'm sad to say that hometeaching in our ward is pretty pathetic. Only about six people actively do their hometeaching reliably. The elder's quorum president met with his counsellors including me and said that everyone was going to get visited every month. I asked him how the six people doing their home teaching would be expected to visit nearly 100 families in order for him to get that result. He changed the direction of the conversation pretty quickly realizing it was not going to happen.

Most of us have pretty unreliable home teaching companions. Mine is inactive and wants nothing to do with the church. The last time he actually went with me his dad and he had a full blown out argument as he forced him out of the house to go with me home teaching. The spirit was basically out the window for those visits. Most others that are assigned just won't go. It is really disheartening to keep plugging away month after month with no companion, all inactive families assigned, and very few others actually doing their hometeaching in the ward.

Part of the problem is that the majority of the ward is made up of navy personell and they are pretty transient going out on seven month deployments. Many times the rest of the family goes back to their original home while dad or mom is out to see. People move in and out every month. Finding the single sailors is nearly impossible. Those of us civilians can't get on the base without a sponsor. Many don't want to be contacted anyway.

There has got to be a way to fix this but there is no will by the leadership to do it and having the same six people do all the home teaching is not the answer.

Suggestions?

Cat Herder · Understander of unimportant things

Roper, you need to have a talk with our EQ president, YM president, and probably Bishop as well then... I don't think that is their take on the situation. I home taught from the time I was 12 until I was ordained an Elder just before leaving for BYU as a junior companion to either my Dad or one of the other HP in the ward. I loved every minute of it, and I learned a lot!

I don't know how many dads in our ward that are actually taking their sons hometeaching with them. Maybe two or three in the HP group besides the bishop and one of his counselors, but the rest of the young men in our ward are multiple sons of the HP dads or their dads are all in the EQ. I've had the discussion with our EQ president, and it seems that somewhere in the leadership, there is some resistance to having the young men do hometeaching because some how that is going to upset someone or is not going to benefit the quorum since there are so few "dilligent" hometeachers, and so they don't want to team us "dilligent" (yes, somehow I even managed to fit that classification, and I know I'm not dilligent at it on a consistent basis... for the reasons that follow in next paragraph) hometeachers together, so we get split up and paired up with other Elders who don't want to do it or won't commit to doing it beyond saying the requisite yes I'll hometeach. And, some of the dads of AP young men in the quorum are some of these very ones who you're lucky to see once every 6 months if you are their list of 4 families.

I honestly think (and of course I'm an expert on it since I am not in the EQ presidency or any leadership position ) part of the reason the HT numbers in our ward are always so low is because the EQ relies on putting two Elders together all the time. You put two grown men together, and they can always end up blaming the other for not making appointments, not coordinating efforts, etc. There is no clear designation of who is the "senior" companion that holds the leadership stewardship as it were, and this is particularly true when both men are RM's (which just gets reinforced when the EQ presidency calls either one of the companions for the stats). But, you put a young man who is an AP holder together with a MP holder, and there is absolutely no question of who is the leader then. Therefore, it forces the MP holder to rise to the occasion, as he is charged with setting the proper example for the young brother, even if it isn't his son.

But, that is only my opinion. I should just be quiet and go do my hometeaching instead of begging for some cheese with my whine.

-- Edited by Cat Herder at 12:11, 2007-01-10

TitusTodd · Senior Member

But the responsibility starts with the YM (to watch over members of the Ward) with the responsibility being carried from that point on. To not involve the YM is a serious error, IMO. When I was a counselor in the YM presidency, we worked hard with the Elders and HPs to make sure our YM had assignments as HT companions. When talking with the YM I strongly encouraged them to take the initiative to call up their HT companion to go HTing if they were not doing it.

As a YM I had a good HT companion. We went out on a regular basis and he had me participate even though I found it difficult at first as I was not particularly outgoing. I am grateful for his example of service and for helping me fulfill my responsibility. I hope to go with my son when he is old enough (makes scheduling easier ).

-- Edited by TitusTodd at 12:48, 2007-01-10

salesortonscom · Wise and Revered Master

Cat Herder wrote:

I honestly think (and of course I'm an expert on it since I am not in the EQ presidency or any leadership position ) part of the reason the HT numbers in our ward are always so low is because the EQ relies on putting two Elders together all the time. You put two grown men together, and they can always end up blaming the other for not making appointments, not coordinating efforts, etc. There is no clear designation of who is the "senior" companion that holds the leadership stewardship as it were, and this is particularly true when both men are RM's (which just gets reinforced when the EQ presidency calls either one of the companions for the stats). But, you put a young man who is an AP holder together with a MP holder, and there is absolutely no question of who is the leader then. Therefore, it forces the MP holder to rise to the occasion, as he is charged with setting the proper example for the young brother, even if it isn't his son.

But, that is only my opinion. I should just be quiet and go do my hometeaching instead of begging for some cheese with my whine.

-- Edited by Cat Herder at 12:11, 2007-01-10

I don't think the elders in our ward who don't do HT even give a care. It doesn't matter if they are teamed with a YM or not. When I was in YM's I was teamed with an elder. He told me he felt hometeaching was fake and he had no intention of doing it at all so don't expect to ever go hometeaching. I couldn't drive so doing hometeaching on my own was not an option. Obviously he didn't feel any pressure to do his home teaching. My brother's current hometeaching comp. is an active teacher and getting that young man to go is like pulling teeth. I have substituted for this young man on a couple of occassions. He will not commit to anything. You can tell him you will pick him up on a certain night and at a certain time and he will find something else to do. I think the whole thing is sad. I personally feel guilty if I don't make at least an effort at hometeaching every month but when I talk with elders to get their numbers each month many don't even flinch month after month telling me they didn't see anyone. They aren't even embarrassed. One guy would just say "goose egg" every time I looked like I was even coming near him. I guess he figured I was going to ask for his numbers. I'm just glad I'm not the elder's secretary anymore. It's much easier being a counsellor.

One thing that really hurts my moral is when the Bishop came up with a concept called priesthood power night. Once a month (now once a quarter) the elders and high priests meet at the church to go out and visit families who are not being visited. I soon came to realize that the same small group was always showing up and that we were just doing the hometeaching for those in the ward who didn't care enough to do it themselves. So not only was I doing my own hometeaching those months I was doing some other flunkie's hometeaching. Needless to say, attendence became even worse as time went on (I wonder why?) and it now only takes place quarterly. I don't go anymore because there is nothing more demoralizing than doing someone else's hometeaching because they just don't care. It stinks. If everyone did what they were supposed to each of us would have no more than three names and at least one of those three would be active in the church. Instead you have six guys trying to paddle an ocean liner. I don't care who they are paired with, it doesn't seem to help.

The geography is all messed up. I have to drive to two different towns to visit people and drive right past several members to get to another far corner of the ward boundaries. It makes trying to schedule multiple appointments for the same night nearly impossible.

Elder's Quorum Presidency meetings usually turn into hometeaching visits as the presidency goes out and tries to visit as many people as possible each week without any appointments which usually results in a lot of wasted time with people not home and others not letting us in.

I hate to complain but some folks need to get a butt kicking and something else needs to be done to get the program to work. It is broken and the handful of faithful people who are willing to do the work can't do it all.

Roper · Senior Bucketkeeper

A lot of frustration here. I've been in many of those situations. The change in our ward happened when a new EQ pres was called.

He has this wacky idea that the good home teachers shouldn't be penalized by giving them all the less active members. He has another wacky idea that you can't leave the 99 and go look for the 1, until you know the 99 are secure. He has another wacky idea that assigning every member of the ward a HTer, so that things will look good on paper, overwhelms your HTers and results in failure of the program. So here's what he did:

He completely erased all HT assignments. Then he did his level best to coordinate with the YM pres to pair Elders with YM wherever possible. Then he gave each companionship one family--a good strong active family who welcomed HTers into their homes. The next quarter, he added another strong active family to each companionship. After six months, he added one less active family or person, then he stopped at three. I'm not sure what will happen in the future, but this last six months of home teaching has been really good--not just the stats, but our quorum is actually starting to care for our families.

We have regular PPIs, so each Elder knows he will be asked to return and report. Those PPIs focus on the needs of the families, not stats or failures to visit. And nobody does HTing for someone who isn't doing it. The EQ prez calls those families and encourages them to invite their HTer over.

Sometimes all it takes is one inspired person. "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got."

salesortonscom · Wise and Revered Master

Roper wrote:

A lot of frustration here. I've been in many of those situations. The change in our ward happened when a new EQ pres was called.

He has this wacky idea that the good home teachers shouldn't be penalized by giving them all the less active members. He has another wacky idea that you can't leave the 99 and go look for the 1, until you know the 99 are secure. He has another wacky idea that assigning every member of the ward a HTer, so that things will look good on paper, overwhelms your HTers and results in failure of the program. So here's what he did:

He completely erased all HT assignments. Then he did his level best to coordinate with the YM pres to pair Elders with YM wherever possible. Then he gave each companionship one family--a good strong active family who welcomed HTers into their homes. The next quarter, he added another strong active family to each companionship. After six months, he added one less active family or person, then he stopped at three. I'm not sure what will happen in the future, but this last six months of home teaching has been really good--not just the stats, but our quorum is actually starting to care for our families.

We have regular PPIs, so each Elder knows he will be asked to return and report. Those PPIs focus on the needs of the families, not stats or failures to visit. And nobody does HTing for someone who isn't doing it. The EQ prez calls those families and encourages them to invite their HTer over.

Sometimes all it takes is one inspired person. "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got."

That's sounds like some good ideas there! I wish I was in your ward. As soon as they ban hunting here, I'm heading for Texas!

crazymom5 · Senior Member

Not a HT but a former RS pres and I can tell you that VT has the same problems. One thing I did when I was first called as RS pres was I redid all the VT companionships and who they visited. The one major thing that I did though was I did it geographically. We live in a very large ward geographically, but our numbers of active members is quite small. When I looked at the VT districts there were sisters driving over 1/2 hr just to get to VT appointments. Those with kids in school had a hard time making and keeping appointments for fear they wouldn't get home in time. Our numbers went up for a while. Each yr that I was RS pres I reviewed all the companionships and who was visited. I was not afraid of making changes.

The one advantage that VTs have over HTs is we can send out letters and so I had some sisters who only did letter routes.

Years ago at a stake leadership meeting the visiting GA, Elder Condie, suggested that ward leaders assign the members in their wards A=active, B=semi active or C=inactive, do not contact. He then went on to say that you burn out the A's by having them trying to visit and reactivate the B's and C's. He said to concentrate on the B's and get them to become an A then in greater numbers you can go after the C's. I can tell you that while I was RS pres we tried this approach and had some success. And it sure seemed to lighten our loads. Now, we didn't just ignore the C's, but we put more effort in really helping those we saw as B's. I hope that makes sense.

rayb · Hot Air Balloon

I haven't had a PPI in ten years. I do regularly report to the EQ pres, because I just like talking with him. He's a nice guy, and our paths have crossed often enough that he knows what's up. I try to have something to say each time I see them.

I also have a priest as a companion. Sometimes it makes it difficult when doing priesthood blessings, but I know folks and enjoy calling others when I need to. I never rely upon my priest companion to setup appointments, because I've learned that only means it doesn't get done. I will sometimes ask them to setup appointments by the middle of the month, and if it isn't done by then, I do it. Or I'll tell them to setup appointments, and then will go ahead and setup a dinner appointment or a night to share family homeevenings with my families in that month, that way they at least get some kind of contact, if my companion doesn't follow thru.

I once had a priest, we'll call Priest X, whose father was a hometeacher in the High Priests. This fellow had an older son who was in the ward so he was not Priest X's companion. I think it was the first time that Priest X had actually been expected to go hometeaching, and I was surprised at how often Priest X forgot about appointments or was not prepared, or simply flaked, but I would show up, and would wait upwards of a half hour for him to get ready to go. His parents would get mad at me, because they were under the impression that I was just dropping in to steal their son. Priest X didn't have a calendar, and he may not have wanted to tell his parents that I'd told him a week in advance about the appointments...

Eventually I was informed that I would no longer be Priest X's partner. The father complained and ended up requesting that his son be his companion, when the other boy left the home.

I don't know if they go hometeaching, but I had the impression that one of the reasons why they were hostile to my insistence he go hometeaching was that the others weren't doing it and it made them feel bad.

That's the most annoying thing about hometeaching, imo. It's the mostly-active members who, because they're behind in their own callings, somehow see a need to throw a monkey-wrench into your own so that no one gets their callings done... I guess it makes them feel better.

As for hometeaching, the thing I'm currently worst at is remembering birthdays.

--Ray

salesortonscom · Wise and Revered Master

rayb wrote:

It's the mostly-active members who, because they're behind in their own callings, somehow see a need to throw a monkey-wrench into your own so that no one gets their callings done... I guess it makes them feel better.

As for hometeaching, the thing I'm currently worst at is remembering birthdays.

--Ray

Oh, you mean "calling sabotage"? Both my wife and I have experienced that one in our different callings. And I'm not talking about folks who inadvertantly step on your toes, I'm talking about people actually working to make things worse behind your back. What I can't figure out is why anyone would want to do such a thing. I have to put up with all the politics and trickery at work. Why in the Lord's kingdom does it happen. In both my wife's case and my own the sabotuers actually wanted our callings and got them. I guess the Lord figured if they wanted it bad enough to be mean they could have it and see what it was like to walk in our shoes.

In my wife's case she was a counsellor in the primary presidency. A sister who was called to work in primary just seemed to undermine my wife's responsibilities at every turn. My wife was in charge of the Halloween/Harvest activity. She had planned out a carnival type thing at the ward building for the kids and their families. The different games were all planned and ward members enlisted to make them and create the booths. About two weeks this lady calls my wife and tells her that she thinks the whole activity needs to be changed because her kids won't be able to trick or treat this year because Halloween is on a Sunday. My wife told her that the activity was already planned and ward members had already done preparation and that changing it this late would be wrong. This lady wanted to scrap the whole thing and do a trunk or treat in the parking lot. Well she didn't like the answer and proceeded to call other sisters and the primary president and tell them that everyone wanted to do the trunk or treat instead of the carnival and that my wife was onboard with the idea. She even told people how it was a bad idea, had no support, was disorganized, etc. My wife was in tears as she saw all support for her deal fall apart. She couldn't understand how a fellow sister could be so cruel. It tore me up seeing her in so much pain. I finally told her to give in and let the sister do what she wanted. So my wife had to call everyone and tell them that they were no longer needed for the carnival. Some, including myself, already had booths made and games ready to go. People had already spent time and money and that was all over so this sister could do what she wanted. I have seen it time and time again. She eventually got my wife released and took over as Primary President. Big surprise. She wanted it so bad.

When I was YM's president the scoutmaster who wanted the calling did everything in his power to run down every activity and plan I made. He was constantly with the bishopric, parents, etc telling them how when he was YM's president they did it this way (many of the things he wanted done now are no longer permitted under church rules but that didn't deter him). He lobbied day and night until finally I was released and he got the calling. Low and behold he is pretty much doing similar activities to what I was doing but now he's the hero. The same guy talked the Bishop and stake into calling him as elder's quorum president when the guy was a high priest. I've never seen someone lobby for callings and such like this guy. Purposely throwing up road blocks and throwing wrenches into the works to get his way.

I've seen it in hometeaching too. When people go inactive I wonder if they have had a run in with one of these wacko members. We volunteer to take callings from the Lord. Why people think they get to pick and choose their callings and then actively work to undermine people in the calling they want to do themselves. It is wrong but these folks seem oblivious to the pain and destruction they cause. And them seem shocked when their victims give them the cold shoulder afterwards.

When my new salesman came in yesterday he was in shock because he had just finally figured out that my brother and I were mormons. He had nothing but negative impressions of the members he had known who he felt were unethical in their business conduct (he shared examples). It took him about half an hour to finally realize that not all mormons are bad. I wonder if he ran into some of the same folks that sabotage others in the church. We were able to answer his questions about the church and finally give the guy a better impression of the members. When we told him we were LDS he didn't believe it. He even accused us of playing a joke on him. I ended up telling him there are good and bad people in every organization. What I didn't tell him though was that some of the very best people in the entire world that I know are members but that also some of the very worst examples of mankind also are mormons. It shouldn't be that way.

-- Edited by salesortonscom at 10:54, 2007-01-11

-- Edited by salesortonscom at 11:13, 2007-01-11

Cat Herder · Understander of unimportant things

Wow! Now that is what I call... well, not sure what I call it... actively aspiring (and conniving?) to a calling?

I guess I'm naive, because I feel bad for the times I have thought it would be nice to be this or that instead of what I am asked to do. I guess I'm even beyond naive since I would never have thought that people who are supposed to be behaving as brothers and sisters would actually go about to undermine another in a calling, particularly if they have raised their hand and publicly made a covenant to sustain the individual in the calling. Politicing? Well, sure that happens a lot (right, wrong, or indifferent)... particularly when the same brethren and sisters seem to rotate through the various leadership positions in a ward and no one else gets the chance to grow by filling the rolls.

salesortonscom · Wise and Revered Master

I don't get it either. I've never wanted someone else's calling like that. I've found that some people seem to derive their sense of self worth or feel a certain status in the ward so they aspire and sometimes conive their way to a particular calling. Why? Isn't there enough to do already? Everytime there is a major calling open in our ward such as Bishopric I am filled with dread thinking this might be the time I have to do it. Then after someone else is called I am filled with a sense of relief that it wasn't me.

Roper · Senior Bucketkeeper

I'm with you, Jason. I don't want the responsibilities of a high-profile position. Also, I don't have the skills or patience for most administrative types of activities. I work much better with individuals and small groups, especially with kids.

I've never experienced or even seen calling sabotage. I'm sure it exists, so I must be naive also. Although when I was the primary chorister, there was no lack of "counsel" from a few of the teachers who thought I was a little too enthusiastic and not quite reverent enough. The primary prez loved me though, so I just smiled and thanked those teachers for their concern.