Top Ten Ways General Authorities Eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups
10. Paul H. Dunn: "I remember back in WWII that I ate a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. Back then, they were big enough to live on for a week. Being the only soldier to have survived the battle in my brigade, I really didn't know if I could eat it or not, but I remember my fallen buddy's words as he died in my arms: "Paul, if you just take one bite at a time you can tackle anything." So I took that giant cup and, breaking it with the bat Babe Ruth gave me after I struck him out with two outs in the bottom of the ninth in the seventh game of the World Series, proceeded to wolf down the tiny morsels."
9. David B. Haight: "Imagine 70 years ago on a rough road between Idaho and Logan. There were no Circle K's, no 7-11's. You had to bring your Peanut Butter Cups with you. Ruby and I split one for the first time in 1937.
8. Dallin H. Oaks: "The Reese's Peanut Butter Cup challenges us to consume. From the beginning there have been three steps in eating a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. First, remove the wrapper. This is best done quickly, by turning the cup over, grasping the outer fold and pulling away from the bottom, Second....
7. Joseph B. Wirthlin: "When I was young I would sprint to the corner store, buy a Reese's and run my hand through my hair before taking it down in one bite. These days I don't sprint, and I have no hair, but the peanut butter cup remains."
6. Richard G. Scott: "If you have not eaten a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, I plead with you. Eat one now. Enjoy the chocolate, the peanut butter. Do not delay. If you have thought, "That's not for me", I plead with you to reconsider. Of all foods I treasure, this one was the first."
5. M. Russell Ballard: "The time has come when members of the church need to reach out to our friends and share a cup, a peanut butter cup. It is not enough to raise a chocolate bar, it must now have peanut butter."
4. Thomas S. Monson: "I remember I ate my first Reese's Peanut Butter Cup when I was a tender lad of eight. My mother came up to me, and with a loving twinkle in her eye, asked, 'Tommy, are you eating a Reese's?' And I would invariably smile up to her, 'Yes, Yes, I am.' 'But Tommy, did you know that Sister Jensen next door hasn't eaten a Reese's Cup in years?' My young mind thought upon the plight of my neighbor. Tears were shed. Hearts were gladdened. A cup was shared."
3. Boyd K. Packer: "In all my years, I have always eaten my Reese's Peanut Butter Cups the same way - the established way we have been instructed to eat them. There is a far greater evil in this world, though - those who believe they can eat their cups in a way unconventional to the time-honored manner. We must be true and faithful and eat our Reese's Peanut Butter Cups in the customary and recognized approach as it has been established."
2. Neal A. Maxwell: "I intentionally initiate the delicious design of deglutition of the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup by nibbling a negligible nit of the culinary creamy cavalcade. It is exclusively through small entities that the great things are fabricated."
AND THE #1 WAY: J. Golden Kimball: "H@%!, Heber, I'll eat a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup any da*%ed way I want!"
Oi vey, but is that funny! I wasn't too sure at first, but then when I started hearing their voices while reading it...
Anyone care to create some additions to the list? Ah, come on... you know there are other General Authority personalities and speaking styles that lend themselves to this innocent sort of fun caricature...
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It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."
Oh yeah...here are a few more (some aren't exactly complimentary, exactly, but...):
Joseph Smith: “I send the wrappers off on missions, then seal myself to be one with the peanut butter cups for all eternity.”
Brigham Young: “The Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup is really a Snickers bar, and I eat those one bite at a time.”
Oliver Cowdery, Martin Harris, and David Whitmer: “Well, we actually just ate the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups with our SPIRITUAL mouths…”
Wilford Woodruff: “I first write a manifesto claiming I will never again eat a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, then I secretly eat a few more under the table.”
Gordon B. Hinckley: “I know without a shadow of a doubt that I have eaten a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, but I don’t really know exactly how I ate it. These experiences are very sacred to me. Previous leader have mentioned how they eat their Reese’s Cups, but I’m not really sure what they meant by that.”
Ezra Taft Benson: "One of the greatest secrets of eating a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup is work; if a Peanut Butter Cup eater will work he will get the spirit and when he gets the Spirit he will be led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which he should do and he shall touch the hearts of the people and he will be happy, there will be no homesickness, no worrying about families, for all time, talents, and interests are centered on the work of delicately opening the wrapper of your Peanut Butter Cup, slowly eating it as you savor every moment. Thats the secret: work, work, work, there is no satisfactory substitute especially in Peanut Butter Cup work."
Spencer W. Kimball: "There are some sins that are known as sins of omission. For example: When you promise your mother that you will eat the bag of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups that she gave you and then you don't eat it but, leave it on the table where your mother left it for you then you are committing a sin of omission. I am not prejudice, I believe that all worthy members of the Church may be ordained with the right to eat a Peanut Butter Cup any way they want to without regard for race or color."
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I just like to smile. Smiling's my favorite.
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Bountiful -> Humor -> How General Authorities Eat Peanut Butter Cups
I wasn't too sure at first, but then when I started hearing their voices while reading it...
