So we had a HC speaker yesterday and he made a comment about having "good feelings" or feelings of wanting to help/lift/bring up our fellowmen. I was thinking how some women (cuz I's a wymyn) really have this gift -- they see a dirty boogery little kid and really want to scoop them up and help them, or if someone's being naughty, they really just want to get in there and help them out. It's like inborn, or an instinct. Then there's other people who don't seem to be that way... it's more of an effort, or conscience decision to be a certain way. I'll admit, my first reaction to a crusty-nosed kid that's obnoxious is sort of a recoil "ewww" feeling.
I'm wondering, how do you *remember* first, that this feeling needs to be replaced by one of desire to help and then how do you begin to eliminate the "eww" reaction? It could be dirty kids or smelly adults, or whatever... Cuz I swear, I've met some people that must just look at humanity totally different than I do. How do you get that?
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Life is tough but it's tougher if you're stupid. -John Wayne
That's hard coco. I find that when I'm happy with myself, I'm able to be more charitable to others. My struggle is when I'm in a bad place...I focus so much on me and my misery that it's difficult to actually see others.
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It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
Helping I don't mind, it's when I am told to drop everything, things I have planned or need to do to help someone else and I am left wondering then how I am to finish what I need to do, or what about what I wanted to do.
I love going to gun shows and someone always manages to plan for helping on the day I planned to be gone.
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Lo, there I see my mother, my sisters, my brothers Lo, there I see the line of my people back to the beginning Lo, they call to me, they bid me take my place among them In the halls of Valhalla, where the brave may live...forever
Let's leave out the whole "obligation" charity thing, like when you're *asked* to do some thing or other. I'm just talking about spontaneous, comes from the heart stuff. Cuz that whole "help so-and-so do what they could've done themselves" could be a whole 'nother discussion!
So, bok, mizzzz first lady, how do you feel the Love? State of mind, no?
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Life is tough but it's tougher if you're stupid. -John Wayne
For me a large part of it is trying to think about their life. A smelly homeless person asking for change...I think to myself, I wonder how long it has been since they had a good meal or a nice warm bed. Or a child who is obviously neglected or needs some help, I think about how that child might feel in their daily life. Are their parents neglectful? Do they not have all the necessities I take for granted? Have they not been taught how to act or behave or take care of themselves appropriately? If I think about their life, where they are coming from and what it must feel like or be like for them, it takes away the 'eeewww' factor many times because then all I am thinking about is what I can do to help them feel better or whatever.
"It could be dirty kids or smelly adults, or whatever"
Don't know if this is part of what you want, but here is my thoughts.
I remember the day I was baptized, I was 16 and had spent part of the afternoon as a volunteer helping at this rec program for individuals w/developmental disabilities. One of the participants was a young woman in her early 20s, profoundly affected. She was sitting on the floor when I saw she really needed her nose wiped- I debated within myself if she would be offended if I wiped it. Then I did go and get tp and wiped her nose. I recall feeling her nonverbally conveying some kind of thanks. (I ended up writing one of my college application essays on that experience, must be why I got rejected by that school!)
Also trying to feel how we'd want to feel, treating people w/dignity. (in my job as an OT, one of my job duties is I help elderly individuals w/toileting needs. )Sometimes you just have to take a big breath and turn your head so the person doesn't see you struggle w/adjustment to odor. Also sometimes the person expresses embarassment, etc in situations, I tell people we are all human, etc. and/or they would help me if situation was reversed.
But don't ask me how to deal w/odors from cadaver lab- one time I had to leave suddenly to take a deep breath of fresh air due to the smell in the lab, the teacher yelled at me upon return to class. (though in fairness he apologized when I explained why I'd had to rush out)
But seriously, w/how sensitive to smells I am (ie the smell of bananas often make me gag), I've been blessed to be able to tolerate/deal w/some smells to do needed tasks
These are great thoughts, everyone... I'm thinking this is a *learned* kind of behavior, which is absolutely good news! And practicing makes it more developed. That's good.
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Life is tough but it's tougher if you're stupid. -John Wayne
There is definitely the learned aspect to it, as well as the fact that some people just seem to have compassion naturally, but for me the biggest aspect of this is the Savior's Grace.
As we are doing what WE can - striving to have the Spirit, serving others, etc., - we can also importune the Lord to bless us with HIS charity. He can fill in the gaps that we cannot fill despite our best intentions. After all, willpower can only take you so far - sometimes it doesn't take you very far at all.
For example, I remember when I was called to be a counselor in the Primary. We'd gotten a phone call from the Bishop that he wanted to come over and see me, so we were speculating on what he'd ask me to do. Hubby said, "You know, the Primary presidency has been in there for a long time, maybe you'll be called to serve there." My response was very skeptical, "Yeah right, that's never going to happen, I've got way too much of an edge. Primary people are sweet and gentle and kind, I'm far too sarcastic. There's a reason why I've served so much with the youth." (Poor Bishop couldn't understand why DH and I burst out laughing when he extended the call.)
And what I found in that calling is that the Lord really expanded the gentler sides of my nature. Because of the mantle it became easy to identify the child who needed a hug and even easier to let them know I loved them. Because of my obedience the Lord was able to do some wonderful things with my caustic self.
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They might not look it, but bunnies can really take care of themselves.
I really like what Moroni 7:48 has to say about Charity.
48 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, apray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true bfollowers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall cbe like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be dpurified even as he is pure. Amen.
Charity is a gift of the Spirit, but we have a part to do to be able to receive it. In a nutshell, pray and practice. Some people have this loving meek nature already and some are further along in the process of achieveing that change of heart that accompanies charity and sometimes I'm just assuming people are doing better than me.
What I know for sure: charity is very closely tied to the change of heart we hear so much about. I have to want it badly enough to change the way I behave until the Lord can, through the Holy Ghost, change my nature. It is a journey, not a lightswitch. Sincerely and consistantly praying for charity works.
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"The promptings of the Holy Ghost will always be sufficient for our needs if we keep to the covenant path. Our path is uphill most days, but the help we receive for the climb is literally divine." --Elaine S. Dalton
Aww, shucks. I might have mentioned this before, but I really, really liked this talk "Charity:Perfect and Everlasting Love" by Elder Gene R. Cook. I got the most out of his footnotes, actually. Following the scripture references and reading his comments helped me to understand charity way beyond what I did before. Seriously, Coco, click.
Some highlights for me:
"The Lord said that charity is the pure love of Christ, 1 that which is most joyous to the soul, 2 the greatest of all the gifts of God, 3 perfect and everlasting. 4... footnotes 1-4, 1. Moro. 7:47. 2. See 1 Ne. 11:2223; 1 Ne. 8:1012. 3. 1 Ne. 15:36. 4. Moro. 8:17." Number 2 and 3 are about the tree of life and it's fruit. This absolutely changed the way I thought about charity. It's not just something nice to do. It is the goal, the blessing, the exaltation.
"All men may have the gift of love, but charity is bestowed only upon those who are true followers of Christ. 6 .... footnote 6. See Moro. 7:48. Is there a difference between charity and love? The Lord referred to them separately a number of times, e.g., D&C 4:5. Some have said charity is love plus sacrificea seasoned love. Perhaps charity is to love as faith is to belief. Both faith and charity take action, work, and sacrifice. Charity encompasses His love for us, our love for Him, and Christlike love for others." Emphasis added. I only thought about the last one when I thought about charity before reading this talk. I also really liked his take on charity being a seasoned love requiring action work and sacrifice.
Honestly, I've never ever seen such a gold mine in the footnotes of a conference talk before.
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"The promptings of the Holy Ghost will always be sufficient for our needs if we keep to the covenant path. Our path is uphill most days, but the help we receive for the climb is literally divine." --Elaine S. Dalton