"The promptings of the Holy Ghost will always be sufficient for our needs if we keep to the covenant path. Our path is uphill most days, but the help we receive for the climb is literally divine." --Elaine S. Dalton
Gotta talk about it. Where is it written that spouses must share hobbies? You wanna share with the board what it is about your hobby that your spouse is getting chafed about?
Seriously, this is probably going to be a talk-it-out type deal. See if you can figure out what the issue is. Too much time apart? Too much expense? Needing to be more "there" when one is not doing the hobby? needing more date nights? Jealousy? Loneliness?
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"The promptings of the Holy Ghost will always be sufficient for our needs if we keep to the covenant path. Our path is uphill most days, but the help we receive for the climb is literally divine." --Elaine S. Dalton
Talk it out. (Especially, that bit about feeling like you'd be losing yourself.) Pray together.
And give us more details if you want situation specific advice.
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"The promptings of the Holy Ghost will always be sufficient for our needs if we keep to the covenant path. Our path is uphill most days, but the help we receive for the climb is literally divine." --Elaine S. Dalton
Part of it is I think he's jealous of the affection I have for the horses... I get riled up and excited about them... I'm passionate about them. How can you be freakin' jealous of an animal? This reminds me of women you hear about that freak out cuz their husbands like motorcycles or some other thing... going out with the boys or whatever. I've always been like, "WHO CARES?" Let them do their thing and let me do mine.
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Life is tough but it's tougher if you're stupid. -John Wayne
Cocobeem, this sounds a LOT like how I feel from the other end of the horse. My wife really likes horses and except for the expense part, being allergic, time spent and nowhere to keep them, etc., I probably wouldn't care much. But maybe your hubby has a different problem(s) with it? They are just things that need to be worked out, the expense one being the toughest, in my opinion.
See, the expense thing is totally non-traditional in our house. We have separate money. So "his" money does not go toward the horses. Granted, even though this is "my" independent money, he always has an opinion on how best to spend it.
So... about the time. What's the big deal? Is it other things that you feel are neglected? Do you think more sex would make this feeling go away? (See that? That's called thread jumping. We had quite the sex thread going on for a while... then, well... I guess the honeymoon's over now.)
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Life is tough but it's tougher if you're stupid. -John Wayne
Have you ever asked him, point blank, what his objections are? Or maybe what he would like in return for his "permission" (not you should need his permission)? Maybe he doesn't even really know. Unless your jeleously thing it correct, which is a tad bit childish. Just ask him.
My guess would be that he's feeling insecure, and the horses is just a symptom of that for him. If you weren't enthusiastic about horses, he'd be annoyed or feel threatened by something else you were excited about, if it didn't include him.
This is likely to be more about him than about you.
I think so, too. Though, the solution should be a team effort.
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"The promptings of the Holy Ghost will always be sufficient for our needs if we keep to the covenant path. Our path is uphill most days, but the help we receive for the climb is literally divine." --Elaine S. Dalton
And it's possible that your husband is jealous, but embarassed about the fact he feels that way. Feelings can't always be dismissed just because we recognize they're stupid.
My other half loves to sing, and before we were married loved to be in choirs and road shows. Even though he really can't carry a tune, and he knows it. He has to stand beside someone who's really strong so he can sort of follow after them.
Once we got married and had kids, he usually found himself on the looking-after-children end while I was singing in a choir/accompanying a choir/performing in a quartet... you get the idea. Since I really CAN sing, I'm a strong alto and I play the piano, I was always being asked to do something musically, and he felt jealous. He wasn't out and out unsupportive, but there was an undertone of resentment and a wee bit of petulance whenever I did something.
And the thing is, he knew he was being irrational. He felt embarassed about it.
Over the years as we've talked it out he's gotten better. He just wished that his interests and his talents were in the same area.
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They might not look it, but bunnies can really take care of themselves.
Part of the necessary work of maintaining happiness in marriage, is supporting the other person's hobby that makes absolutely no sense to you.
My wife is also a horse person. I'm a neat freak city dwelling spreadsheet guy. But dangit, she married me after I promised to do what I could to have those useless smelly huge expensive beasts in her life, so I do my part and just shut up about it. That involves biting the bullet and just budgeting the thousands of dollars a year it takes. That means doing some time covered in horse slobber, and just bucking it up and taking a shower later.
If the truth be told, I do have a warm spot in my heart for the gigantic beasts. Our kids do look cute on the pony. We are outdoors more, and I do believe that shovelling horse crap builds character. I list out the positives and recite them to myself over and over like a mantra. In my mind, the list of positives in no way comes even remotely close to the expense and work involved, except for one of the positives: It makes the wife happy. So yeah, I grit my teeth and fork over the bucks and help with the chores and spend time I'd rather spend doing something else. Because at the end of the day, it's worth it because my wife is happy.
Now, my wife occasionally takes the same issue Coco is taking - 'he doesn't like horses and makes critical comments, therefore there's stress in the marriage, therefore I'm not happy'. I find that a bit frustrating, since the whole purpose of having the nasty beasts around is to make her happy. So I try to not make comments at all, but she knows my body language and facial expressions too well. So I recite my mantra and remind myself that "Happy wife = happy life" until I actually can muster up some sort of positive outlook on the whole thing. Then she doesn't buy my positive outlook, because all the rest of the time it's obvious I don't like horses. I find that frustrating too.
I don't think we've got all the kinks worked out here, so maybe I'm helping Coco and maybe I'm not. I might suggest that Coco print out this big long post and show it to her hubby as a conversation starter. I'm reasonably certain that talking it through is the only way to eventually fix the issue (both Coco's and mine).
LM
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And I'd discuss the holy books with the learned men, seven hours every day. That would be the sweetest thing of all.
Oh, and I do have to say that when this works both ways, my wife does indeed support my hobby that she finds stupid. Except whereas I struggle to appear like I'm content with her hobby, she seems to effortlessly positively support mine. I don't know if this is a guy thing, or if Coco's hubby and I are just having the same thing wrong with us. But I have the better end of the deal in the hobby supporting area, and I'd be willing to bet that if Cocco asks her hubby, he'd say the same thing.
LM
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And I'd discuss the holy books with the learned men, seven hours every day. That would be the sweetest thing of all.
Cocobeem wrote:Is it other things that you feel are neglected? Do you think more sex would make this feeling go away?
Make sure it's tied to a whole bunch of "I know you don't like horses, but I do, and I appreciate that you help me have them, so come here!" type stuff.
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And I'd discuss the holy books with the learned men, seven hours every day. That would be the sweetest thing of all.
See, I'm not bothered by his hobbies at all. It's almost like I wish he had more of them so he'd stay out of my hai--- oh, wait. That's not what I mean.
So, LM, do you have horses on your property? I do think it's good for kids to learn responsibility, too. We don't shovel poop too much cuz they are out in a field with a run-in shelter, but my kids do get to shovel dog poo in our backyard. I think there's something inherently humbling about being around poo.
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Life is tough but it's tougher if you're stupid. -John Wayne
I find that if I sit down my husband and talk with him showing my concern and love for him and our relationship that it usually helps a lot. He is a lot more receptive to what I say and responds a lot better, he even comes up with ideas on how to make things better.
My wife really likes horses and except for the expense part, being allergic, time spent and nowhere to keep them, etc., I probably wouldn't care much. But maybe your hubby has a different problem(s) with it? They are just things that need to be worked out, the expense one being the toughest, in my opinion.
Sometimes it is such an art... this communication with one's spouse... 
