Spirited, high-needs, high-maintenance, intense, difficult. . . pick your adjective. Do any of you have one of these children? I'm having a rough time of it lately. She's 6. She's always been this way, with periods that get quite a bit better and, like recently, periods that seem really bad. Defiance, attitude-y, seeming unwillingness to contribute to peace in the household. . .
How do you effectively parent a person like this, and keep your sanity?
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"There is order in the way the Lord reveals His will to mankind. . .we cannot receive revelation for someone else's stewardship." L. Tom Perry
I wish I knew the answer. Love, patience, and understanding have kept me from losing my mind with my spirited child. But I'm still looking for the best way to parent him.
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If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude than the animated contest of freedom, go from us in peace. May your chains sit lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen! - Samuel Adams
I guess the catch is, Arbi, what works today might not work tomorrow. You're right, whatever we do should be with patience, love, and understanding; and the best way to keep those is through prayer.
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"There is order in the way the Lord reveals His will to mankind. . .we cannot receive revelation for someone else's stewardship." L. Tom Perry
I had trouble with one of my girls when she was five. Really defiant sometimes and very willful. Now that she's 7 she's a dream. I don't know if she grew out of it or what but for a year or so I was very concerned about her. She actually had the gall to tell her kindergarten teacher, "No Miss X, you are wrong. That is not how that works." She had to be reminded often that she was not the teacher but the student. But as we close out first grade this year she's just great.
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Jason (Formerly salesortonscom)
As I walk through this earth, nothing can stop, the Duke of Mirth!
Jason, A long time ago I was the little girl telling her teacher that the teacher was wrong. (And she was!)
For my just desserts I grew up to be a mommy to spirited children. The books all said that if a toddler is interested in doing something wrong, you just distract them. Ha! Mine had incredible determination. You keep trying and loving them and respect their ideas and opinions insofar as possible. They grow up even if you're making mistakes. If you want them to grow up well, keep the gospel foremost in your home (dialy scriptures & FHC) and the Spirit will do a lot of the work.
My most cantakerous son grew up to be a lawyer. I think that's funny, in a way.
(Wow, am I blushing. Historian, I just assumed you were a guy because of your avatar. I had a moment of complete when you said "I was the little girl".
But at least you're in good company, it took me a while to realize that beef and bok were female - for some reason their names sounded masculine to me when I was first lurking.)
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They might not look it, but bunnies can really take care of themselves.
That's funny, Dianoia, but it's my fault for choosing the avatar. However, I love the idea of being buried in books, so I really like the little old guy.
BTW, while I don't like it when my 12 year old's independent nature causes him to be disobedient to me, it's not something that I totally want to quash either. I want him to question authority, in most instances. He shouldn't believe something, for instance, just because the government tells him that it is so. He should definitely question stuff he is told, even by so called authorities on the subject. But he should also learn that being willing to question things and obeying proper authority are two attitudes that can coexist.
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If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude than the animated contest of freedom, go from us in peace. May your chains sit lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen! - Samuel Adams
I agree, Arbi, and I think that's why it's so complicated. I could go all authoritarian "because I said so" (and have, actually, which just makes her dig her heels in harder), but I don't believe that's the best thing. I want to help her channel that tenacity in ways that work FOR her. Because really, she's a cool, strong person and she has a strong desire for righteousness overall. She's just really hard to parent sometimes.
Someday she'll make a great lawyer, or negotiate peace treaties, or rock the sales department for some company. Or, if I have a say, she'll be a great mother. . . hopefully to at least one who's just like her!
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"There is order in the way the Lord reveals His will to mankind. . .we cannot receive revelation for someone else's stewardship." L. Tom Perry
Jason, A long time ago I was the little girl telling her teacher that the teacher was wrong. (And she was!)
In my daughter's case she was wrong. She would get something in her head and just would not believe anything else. I remember she asked my wife where do babies come from. My wife gave her the age appropriate yet accurate answer. Her reply, "No mom, your wrong." and then went on to explain how it really was which was a total load of nonsense. But she was just too stubborn to accept anything else than what she came up with. That was the case with the teacher. The teacher would explain how to do something and she would try arguing with the teacher. It was a real power struggle for a while. The funny thing is that she just adored this teacher and the teacher really liked her. It was her last year teaching and I'm sure she'll never forget my daughter. We didn't mind so much that she had her own ideas at that age but when she was challenging authority and being inconsiderate of others that is where we had the problem.
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Jason (Formerly salesortonscom)
As I walk through this earth, nothing can stop, the Duke of Mirth!
we give my spirited 6 yr old daughter, special "Hannah's talking time" when the whole family is required to listen to her. Ironically it's the only time she'll shut up.
--Ray
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I'm not slow; I'm special. (Don't take it personally, everyone finds me offensive. Yet somehow I manage to live with myself.)
I think that Abigail Adams was a spirited child. Her grandma understood tbat this is not all bad. I think that she said something like wild phillies make the best horses.
Yay for spirited kids! In just the first 3 generations there's quite a number of spirited ancestors - people leaving their country all by themself, striking out on their own in some way or another. I don't think my kids really have much choice. This is how they're gonna be.
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Life is tough but it's tougher if you're stupid. -John Wayne
when you said "I was the little girl". 
In just the first 3 generations there's quite a number of spirited ancestors - people leaving their country all by themself, striking out on their own in some way or another. I don't think my kids really have much choice. This is how they're gonna be. 
