Okay, there is this lady at work, she keeps chatting me up. At first I thought she was being friendly, but then she kept touching me, like on the arm. Then on the shoulder and for longer periods of time, or would put her hand on my shoulder and start rubbing it, and now my back today.
I had just been dismissing it, but she seems to go out of her way to talk to me or walk with me when I am out of my office. Maybe it is all in my head, but it is starting to weird me out. I am not at all interested, and am devoted to my wife and marriage covenants.
She knows I am married, and she is too, only about six months. I try to avoid walking past her or when she is around. I have to work with her sometimes and talk with her, and not sure what to do. Maybe she is just touchy, feely, but was not this way to me before.
Am I wrong in thinking she is flirting, maybe innocent on her part? Either way it makes me uncomfortable, but don't want to make an issue where none might be.
Anything?
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Lo, there I see my mother, my sisters, my brothers Lo, there I see the line of my people back to the beginning Lo, they call to me, they bid me take my place among them In the halls of Valhalla, where the brave may live...forever
Here's my take: Regardless of what this lady's intentions are, if her actions are making you uncomfortable it's ok to ask her to stop. You can tell her you're not a touchy feely person and if she's coming around to chat too much politely let her know you have work you need to get done.
To sum up, I'm all for setting boundaries. And the only person's intentions we really need to know before taking action are our own.
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"The promptings of the Holy Ghost will always be sufficient for our needs if we keep to the covenant path. Our path is uphill most days, but the help we receive for the climb is literally divine." --Elaine S. Dalton
Gross her out. Yep, that's what I find to be the quickest way to nip this sort of thing in the bud. Cough on her. Scratch yourself. Burp and then exhale toward her like you're blowing a smoke ring. Say something like, "Oh man, this VD SUCKS!" and shift around. Comments about hemmerhoids can be just as successful... "Hey, have you seen my Tucks pads?"
(I don't have much tolerance for this whole "unwanted advances" type thing. )
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Life is tough but it's tougher if you're stupid. -John Wayne
Maybe that's what you should embroider on yer undies, Coco -- a treasure map to your Tucks stash. Never lose them again!
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"The promptings of the Holy Ghost will always be sufficient for our needs if we keep to the covenant path. Our path is uphill most days, but the help we receive for the climb is literally divine." --Elaine S. Dalton
I just wasn't sure if this was flirting towards me or not, and did not want to look foolish. I might talk with HR first to document it.
The thing is, I have mentioned my wife several times! She is married and has mentioned her husband.
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Lo, there I see my mother, my sisters, my brothers Lo, there I see the line of my people back to the beginning Lo, they call to me, they bid me take my place among them In the halls of Valhalla, where the brave may live...forever
Just a little fyi... immoral women with low self-esteem are notorious for going after married men. That way, when rejected, they can easily chalk it up to the fact that he was married. Their esteem has nothing to lose, so to speak. And hey, if there's any takers, that just makes them feel all the more attractive/inviting/charming/captivating... whatever... Single men are sort of harder that way, since they can have pretty much anyone on the market so there's much more competition for them. It's a weird world, dude.
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Life is tough but it's tougher if you're stupid. -John Wayne
In the world married does not always mean fidelity I've found. I have known people that cheated so much it was amazing they were married at all. I had a lady that worked for me that was super nice and even active in her church. She had an affair with her ex husband and a fellow co-worker behind her husband's back. He was a super nice guy too and I felt bad for him. I have a guy that works in my parts department. His ex girlfriend is married to someone else but constantly calls the ex for booty calls when her husband isn't around. This lady even has a kid with her husband but calls the ex boyfriend constantly. The morals of the world are sometimes mind boggling to those of us who take our covenants seriously.
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Jason (Formerly salesortonscom)
As I walk through this earth, nothing can stop, the Duke of Mirth!
Jason has a good point. It may not deter her at all that Valhalla is married. So maybe what he should do is put up a big poster of Christ in his work area, play LDS pop music, have a temple tie tack, etc. And be eager to answer questions anyone may have about them. I've noticed that people who spurn traditional morals feel uncomfortable when they are reminded of them.
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If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude than the animated contest of freedom, go from us in peace. May your chains sit lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen! - Samuel Adams
Gah, can I just say that coming from a family where passive-agressive emotional manipulation was the norm, I really, really vote for being straight-forward? Start at straight-forward and kind then work up to straight-forward and very firm. Why devote all that extra energy and time to indirectly chasing this woman off? (To me, that's a sitcom tv solution. Never just say what you mean, otherwise you don't get to have the funny awkward situation to dig yourself back out of.) Why let it consume that much thought?
It's obvious that I need less drama in my life. As you were. End of rant.
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"The promptings of the Holy Ghost will always be sufficient for our needs if we keep to the covenant path. Our path is uphill most days, but the help we receive for the climb is literally divine." --Elaine S. Dalton
I'm with hic. Say something along the lines of: "As a faithful married man, I am uncomfortable with having you touch me." Document it, if you like. If she continues her advances after your clear request, then I'd report it to HR.
I would do one of 2 things. I would either be very clear with her that her actions make you feel uncomfortable. Don't be vague...be very specific. You can do this kindly and privately (making sure that you can be seen--a room with a door but no window to the rest of the group is not a good situation). Then I would alert HR or your supervisor to the actions.
Or I would reverse it. I would alert the supervisor/HR of what's going on. They can either handle it themselves or counsel you on how to handle it.
It may be completely innocent--she could just feel friendship to you and she's a touchy-feely person who doesn't realize what she's doing. Or she could be flirting shamelessly with you. I tend to think she's on the flirting side based on your description.
But, I think you should alert someone there. You just have to be very careful because it can turn ugly really quickly. And to cover herself, she may try to turn it around on you.
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It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
Considering that Valhalla is a lawyer, it is not unlikely that this woman is a subordinate (not being sexist, just saying that lawyers are usually the top dog in their places of work). That would make it very complicated, because usually accusations of sexual harassment go the other way. And once an accusation is made, unless you can prove beyond a reasonable doubt your innocence, you're in trouble.
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If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude than the animated contest of freedom, go from us in peace. May your chains sit lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen! - Samuel Adams
I certainly hope he wasn't coming to us for legal advice.
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"The promptings of the Holy Ghost will always be sufficient for our needs if we keep to the covenant path. Our path is uphill most days, but the help we receive for the climb is literally divine." --Elaine S. Dalton
That's what living out in the sticks will get you, Jason.
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If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude than the animated contest of freedom, go from us in peace. May your chains sit lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen! - Samuel Adams
We've had a woman and her kids staying at our place lately. Today I informed her outright that I would not be in the house when it was just me and her. And that either she would have to go with my wife or I would leave.
I thought it was gonna be awkward but she was very respectful, and understood (because she'd had some experience with the fulltime missionaries and what they have to do) the boundary thing.
--Ray
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I'm not slow; I'm special. (Don't take it personally, everyone finds me offensive. Yet somehow I manage to live with myself.)
Okay, there is this lady at work, she keeps chatting me up. At first I thought she was being friendly, but then she kept touching me, like on the arm. Then on the shoulder and for longer periods of time, or would put her hand on my shoulder and start rubbing it, and now my back today.
I had just been dismissing it, but she seems to go out of her way to talk to me or walk with me when I am out of my office. Maybe it is all in my head, but it is starting to weird me out. I am not at all interested, and am devoted to my wife and marriage covenants.
She knows I am married, and she is too, only about six months. I try to avoid walking past her or when she is around. I have to work with her sometimes and talk with her, and not sure what to do. Maybe she is just touchy, feely, but was not this way to me before.
Am I wrong in thinking she is flirting, maybe innocent on her part? Either way it makes me uncomfortable, but don't want to make an issue where none might be.
Anything?
What would you do if you didn't feel uncomfortable?
You know what you need to do.
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no unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing... the truth of God will go forth till it has penetrated every website, sounded in every ear, till the purposes of God shall be accomplished and the great Jehovah shall say the work is done
I just wasn't sure if this was flirting towards me or not, and did not want to look foolish. I might talk with HR first to document it.
The thing is, I have mentioned my wife several times! She is married and has mentioned her husband.
It's not about figuring what someone else's boundaries with flirting are. It's about what your boundaries with flirting are.
And yes, if you call her on it, she may very well try to make you out to look foolish or that it's all in YOUR head, you horny knuckle-dragger. So what! You do the right thing and let the chips fall.
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Life is tough but it's tougher if you're stupid. -John Wayne
The more I think about this, the more I think you need to talk to HR first. Simply because I have seen occasions where someone is flirting, then when they are confronted they get SO defensive that they turn it around and accuse the other person of sexual harassment! Since we don't want that, it might be a good idea to talk to HR first.
Like I said, this is one crime where unless you can prove your innocence, you're guilty.
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If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude than the animated contest of freedom, go from us in peace. May your chains sit lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen! - Samuel Adams
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Where the hell's my Super Prostate Formula?!?
