A good friend of mine asked a special favor of me yesterday. She asked me if I could watch her three youngest children for a few hours on Christmas Day. Her husband is a surgical resident and will be on call all day so she wants to take her two oldest children down to a soup kitchen and hand out toys to needy children. On the surface it sounds like a wonderful, noble idea and at first I thought it would be good experience for my two oldest girls too. It would be a true, charitable act on Christmas Day itself.
After thinking about it a little longer though, I realized that she would be going alone with 4 children to downtown Detroit. In a very seedy, run-down, bad part of town. (If any of you have ever had a glimpse of Detroit you will know what I'm talking about--it ain't pretty). I'm under the impression that this is a scheduled event through some charitable organization because she told me what hours she would need to be there. But I don't know who they are.
She said she would totally understand if I said no. There weren't very many people she felt she could ask as it was. But I feel compelled to do it for her, because I'm afraid she would end up taking all of her kids. She's the type who would do that. I don't feel comfortable sending my own children alone with her without a male presence.
I would decline. One's own children should come before anonymous homeless people, imo. And it's Christmas, for crying out loud. But that's just Coco, y'know!
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Life is tough but it's tougher if you're stupid. -John Wayne
Anonymous homeless people instead of one's own family? No, what she is doing is service (and demonstrating it to her older two children who will be with her). Service is not always convenient and is not always easy... perhaps many of us in the Church have our "comfortable" service projects and therefore it is not in our comfort zone to do otherwise...
This same family has done service for us that was not convenient or necessarily easy... like watching four of our five children in addition to their own five children (all under the age of 8 at the time) for a couple days while Poncho and I took a break... and that again, with the Dad on call at the hospital most of the time...
Poncho, we can adjust our schedule Christmas morning to where the three kids can come over for a few hours... it is not a hardship for us.
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It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."
I'd let your 2 girls go with your friend to help in the service project, my hubby says depending on where exactly they are going they should be ok, he said it will be daylight anyway. Hubby works in downtown. He rides the bus to work and so he goes through different areas. How old are your 2 daughters that would be going? Plus they will all be together so they shouldn't have any problems. Tell your friend to leave her purse at home and to just carry her license, a credit card, her cell phone and her car keys in her pockets. I've walked in downtown Detriot one time, when I had jury duty. I wasn't picked so I had to walk from the courthouse several blocks to my hubby's office to catch the bus home.
I think if your concern is for her safety, then share this concern and suggest she serve somewhere closer. But you can't really dictate (and I know that isn't your intention) where, how or who she serves, I just don't have the right word) where someone else serves.
My only concern would be you do have your own family and your own child w/special needs. But since Cat says it is good, go for it!
Also if you did have special Christmas plans, you could offer to watch them another time since that service is needed year-round.
I think it is great she is trying to lead by example for her kids.
no unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing... the truth of God will go forth till it has penetrated every website, sounded in every ear, till the purposes of God shall be accomplished and the great Jehovah shall say the work is done
Are you unsure whether you want to BBsit on Christmas day? Or whether this woman should be doing what she planned?
It seems to me the only question you need to answer is if it's ok to babysit. Either it will be ok with your family's holiday plans or it won't.
I don't think you get to decide what she does. If you were babysitting so she could go get stoned and saying no would prevent her drug use (which it wouldn't anyway) then I could see the hesitation.
But I dont' think your refusal to babysit will change plans she has already made, it will just make them harder. Her intents are noble. If you dont' mind babysitting and your family agrees(this is important) then do it.
But don't send your kids if your not comfortable. Plan something else when you can go with them.
$.02
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"My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle."
Okay, if you're going to do it, here's a couple last thoughts. If this area of town is indeed as bad as you say, you should *all* go together, or at least Cat should go along with this woman and the kids (and hopefully he at least a tiny bit resembles his avatar ). If a child is harmed in a situation like this, I think it's wrong to say they suffered for doing good - it's more true that they suffered for their parents' bad decisions. (I Peter 2:20 comes to mind.) But maybe this woman has done this type of thing before and it's not that bad. As a sister missionary there were areas we did not go, just because it wasn't the smartest thing to do. Not because we were holding back in some way.
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Life is tough but it's tougher if you're stupid. -John Wayne
No, it isn't a case of where I don't want to babysit. I'm more than happy to do that. I didn't feel it was a hardship. At first, I thought it would be great to have my older daughters go with her, since her oldest is only 8 and my oldest daughter is 15 1/2 and the other is almost 11. But, I just got a little nervous when I realized where she was going and wasn't sure if I should send my kids along.
I was just concerned for their safety. My children's as well as hers.
You can always put the children to work as slave labor. My best friends mom would do that whenever I stayed over. She seemed to relish the extra hands and had a list of projects!
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Jason (Formerly salesortonscom)
As I walk through this earth, nothing can stop, the Duke of Mirth!
Babysitting so the mom can go get drunk? No. So the mom can continue an illicit affair? No. Get a tattoo? Invade a sovereign nation? Picket Temple square? No, no, no.
Babysitting so a mom can teach her children about the importance of charity on Christmas - you bet. You shouldn't be supporting illegal, immoral, or fattening behavior. You should be supporting something like this, even if it's not 'for you'.
Unless, of course, you figure the lady isn't mentally able to protect her children and act in their best interests. If that's the case, you should report her to social services.
If it were me, I'd hesitate to stand in the way of a Christmas morning these two young children may well remember for the rest of their lives.
LM
-- Edited by LoudmouthMormon at 14:37, 2007-12-20
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And I'd discuss the holy books with the learned men, seven hours every day. That would be the sweetest thing of all.
I definitely do see Poncho's safety concern. Several months ago, some singles in our area were volunteering at a homeless shelter in some program for kids. Shortly after they left (some may have been there I heard), there was a fatal shooting or stabbing to one of the people that lived there.
But mostly people are good and appreciative- I hope it works out for all! :)
). If a child is harmed in a situation like this, I think it's wrong to say they suffered for doing good - it's more true that they suffered for their parents' bad decisions. (I Peter 2:20 comes to mind.) But maybe this woman has done this type of thing before and it's not that bad. As a sister missionary there were areas we did not go, just because it wasn't the smartest thing to do. Not because we were holding back in some way.
