Have you ever had to love someone who hated the church? I'm not talking about is neutral to the church, but openly cynical or hostile about it. Perhaps a family member or someone you're obligated to love--or not.
How do you do it? What's your experience been? Do you trust them? What of your children? What do you say to them?
--Ray
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I'm not slow; I'm special. (Don't take it personally, everyone finds me offensive. Yet somehow I manage to live with myself.)
I have family who do not care for the church... not hate, but not as mellow as neutral. Interestingly enough, I had to deal with what to say to my children about their uncle who was saying strange things and doing strange things doctrinally and otherwise. I had to let them know that he wasn't an authority figure for some of these issues. We found out later that he was having religious delusions.
I have also had people I needed to love, but struggled greatly to do so. The best thing I have found for that is to pray for charity in general and that person in specific. Sometimes, I have to completely give up my own will and admit to God that I am just not capable of getting to that loving state without His help. Sometimes, I have to start by praying for the desire to love that person. Times like that, I am really grateful the Atonement meets me where I am.
Also, I find it really helpful to remind myself that I am only responsible for my own behavior and I answer to my Heavenly Father about that. It might not seem like it, but remembering that helps me to have the strength to rise above my obsessions with other people's behavior.
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"The promptings of the Holy Ghost will always be sufficient for our needs if we keep to the covenant path. Our path is uphill most days, but the help we receive for the climb is literally divine." --Elaine S. Dalton
I think there's a difference between just having to love someone like that and actually having to LIVE with them interacting in your life on a regular basis. For instance, I've known a couple of people hostile to the church that I've been able to love, but I haven't had to interact with them so much. (They were prevalent in Oklahoma where I grew up and the interaction in college was often...intense.) Interacting on a regular basis not only brings up the need to forgive over and over and over again, but it brings up that difficult fine line of judging righteous judgment. For instance, just because you forgive someone doesn't mean you should allow them to hurt you and/or your family. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you allow them to teach your children things that are wrong. Is it possible to love and keep the boundaries and rules sacred? Yes. But I've never been pushed so much to that level. The most intense experience I've had in that regard went like this: in college, my 2 roommates often got into bible bashing sessions with our southern baptist friends. I avoided these confrontations like the plague, but at one point one started up when I was already in the room. After just a few minutes, I stood up and said, "Jeff, I don't feel like any of these discussions are going to convince either side that the other side is right. Either it's true, or it's not. The only one that can verify truth is God and the Holy Ghost. So if you will pray about it [something he had been unwilling to do, afraid he would get the 'wrong answer'], you will get the answer. Until you are willing to do that, we won't be getting anywhere. Just know that, though I know we've had our differences, I love you and I have prayed about it and I know that it's true. But the Spirit can't be here when we're fighting, so I'm going to leave." And I left. From what I heard later, it was VERY quiet in there after that, and that was the closest Jeff came to actually praying about what was true. I don't know if that helps your question, but it's what I got.
actually LM, it was something of a trick question. I think it is interesting how often we equate ourselves with the church. Not that I intended it that way... just that I was recognizing something in me, and put it out there to see if anyone else had the same sort of frustration as I do.
I honestly have a hard time taking personally a person's expressions of loathing about the church--especially if they make it a common practice to badmouth the church in front of me.
--Ray
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I'm not slow; I'm special. (Don't take it personally, everyone finds me offensive. Yet somehow I manage to live with myself.)
Well Ray, if you want personal experience with what you describe, I'm your guy. I grew up hearing about the evils of tithing, the evils of missionaries, the evils of organizations that told people they're doin' it wrong. When my dad got introduced to a new mormon, he'd try to push a few buttons, and judge that person by their reaction.
All that said, out of all the frustrations and anger a normal kid feels when dealing with his dad, only a tiny fraction was due to his anti-religious mormon bashing. The bumper sticker on his car summed him up well enough - "I'm not prejudiced, I hate everybody". He was a man in posession of a misdirected temper and a barrelfull of cuss words, and they were unleashed on everyone and every thing pretty much equally. In short, once I came to know the man for who he was, instead of what was always coming out of his mouth, there was no reason to not love him. And about one in 5 home teachers we had, ended up with the same conclusion.
I think we're well served by looking past people's behavior, to the things that motivate that behavior. It's not always possible, and we're not always right when we have to guess, but I've found that usually, the light of Christ is trying to shine in everyone, and we all want to love and be loved.
LM
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And I'd discuss the holy books with the learned men, seven hours every day. That would be the sweetest thing of all.
LM: It sounds to me like he tried really hard to keep people from loving him. I sometimes reflect upon the things I do--do I do them to make it harder for them to love me--put a few hurdles in the way? Anyhow thanks for sharing a bit of your story... I love you all the more... :)
--Ray
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I'm not slow; I'm special. (Don't take it personally, everyone finds me offensive. Yet somehow I manage to live with myself.)
