PrideSomething Janey wrote in the pride thread struck me in an interesting way. I appreciate what she wrote and how she phrased it. So from the pride thread, how do you differentiate pride vs. sincere support for others coupled with a sincere question of "what about me?" Is it ever right or appropriate to question "what about me?"
Here is the post that inspired this question: Janey wrote in the Pride thread:
"A good indicator of my own pride is when I start feeling resentful of someone else's blessings or accomplishments. If I can self-satisfaction about what I've done, and I'm equally as thrilled when someone else does well, then I'm not being prideful. But if someone else's blessing or accomplishment makes me grumble that "mine was just as good" or "I deserve that", then I know I'm being prideful.
There's more to pride than that, of course. But if I can be honestly happy for someone else, then I don't worry that my own self-confidence has crossed a line."
Comparisons are my first indicator that pride is creeping up on me, or bashing me over the head and dragging me off, whichever."
Ok, so for my view, I often have been happy for others- coworkers, church friends, etc- w/their accomplishments, specifically being married and/or having children. So am I prideful if every now and then when I hear someone's good news, I am happy for them yet other times I do feel a tiny dash of envy and/or question, "what about me?". I just got an email announcing a cousin is expecting her third child.
So is it pride to get a feeling of having been forgotten in the unclaimed luggage section somewhere along life's path- ie to feel you are also a good person and "what about me?" and that you belong somewhere in the claimed section?? I know not being married and/or not having a child doesn't mean you are not a good person, of course I know this.
Maybe this makes no sense. Anyway, interested in any thoughts.
Nita, I know so much what you mean. Both of my siblings are married. I am so happy for my brother and his children. I had some feelings to deal with before birth but it was more complicated than being an ordinary pride issue. I am so happy they are here and I am past those feelings. I would still like if by some miracle to have children or even parent step-children provided on both counts that I was competent.
Someone who I have had a huge crush on announced that his love life is not going so good. Because I still care about him and hope against hope that he will care about me as I do him, I am sad to report that part of me was glad to hear that. On the other hand, I do want him to get on with his life if we really are not meant to be. Believe me, I understand why he would not be interested in me. I am almost two years older and you all know my problems.
There are times when I am very happy for others' achievements. There are times when I may be more envious or compettitive. I think I have heard it said that there is not a limited amount of blessings and that we can focus on that rather than having a specific blessing now.
Thanks Zabbie! I do try to be happy for others in many areas of life, and I think overall I do a good job. Just sometimes it gets to the "enough is enough" selfish mentality, I guess.
Nita, I've had those feelings. I did okay when the first sibling younger than me got married, and then the second sibling younger than me. But when the third one announced an engagement, I got really really down. I was happy for him, but I was also really discouraged for myself. And there was pride tied up in my envy. "I'm as cute and as nice as his fiance, how come no one wants to marry me?" I was comparing myself to others and thinking that I was just as good, so I ought to get the same blessing.
I do think that comparison had pride in it, as well as a healthy mix of righteous desire. It's good to want to be married and want children. But my envious thoughts didn't bring me any peace of mind. There is a fine line between wishing for a similar blessing, and resenting someone for having a blessing that I don't have. I crossed that line a lot. So I have no room to counsel anyone else. It took a lot of prayer to remove the resentment, but keep the righteous desire.
And I think you're a sweetheart. It's hard to deal with loneliness longterm. I didn't handle it very well.
