I have one child in particular who is very concerned that I might die. I really don't know what the proper way to respond to her concerns are... Further she's the type of girl who if you open the scriptures, she immediately turns off her brain... so you kinda hafta sneak up on her with the scriptures... when it comes to deeper discussions.
Still she has all these fears about her parents dying too...
--Ray
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I'm not slow; I'm special. (Don't take it personally, everyone finds me offensive. Yet somehow I manage to live with myself.)
I have no idea. I was talking to 5yo about this and somehow she asks me the question, "Did we all come out of Jesus' tummy?" Don't ask me how we got THERE.
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Life is tough but it's tougher if you're stupid. -John Wayne
I don't think it is good to promise that you won't die as that could lead to anger if that were to happen. I think you can tell her that you have been to the doctor and are doing fine. You can say that we have to make the most of each day and let each other know that we love each other. Say that you hope to be around a long time and that daddys usually get to grandpas and that you hope for that day. You can speak of a loved one of yours who have died such as a grandparent if you have lost one and how you feel they still love you and that heaven is not so far.
I can't remember when we didn't talk about this topic very frankly in this family... I was hospitalized in a coma and not expected to make it when Son2 was 14 mo old, the oldest was 5.5. There have been a few more times since then when there were life and death bouts with my disease. I live daily with the possibility that next time my kidney acts up I'll be on dialysis.
I have tried to help my children understand that death is a part of life and progression... While they don't wish to lose me yet... they do not fear it as some children do... they know my love for then all is eternal.
My mother was 36 when I was born. I cannot remember a time when I was not worried about her dying. In 3rd grade, we were given redwood tree seedlings to plant. I could not stand the thought that the tree would still be living when my mother died. I killed it. On purpose. Yes, I am a tree-murderer.
She died two years ago. I miss her.
Back on topic: even though I had that obsession through out my life, I really am a pretty normal, non-death focused person. Don't worry too much. Just take the opportunities when offered to talk about how in death we leave our physical shell for a time, but that our soul continues on. Then, after a time, our spirits are united again with our bodies.
Speaking of the Dry ones, when the dry priests get up to leave Priesthood meeting on sundays I feel it is a service if I remind them to not forget their oxygen bottles and walkers.
We've had the conversations with my children but so far they see at as going back to live with heavenly father. They haven't doubted it yet so it isn't scary to them. My six year old actually thought that getting married meant you were going to die because everyone she knew that had died had gotten married at one time or another. Hence her belief that her kindergarten teacher who has not married but who retired will live forever. Then my 4 year old son got asked by a sweet little girl in the ward if he would marry her and being the little boy that he is he replied, "No way, I'm not marrying no girls." She cried and ran off and my wife had to basically arrange her marriage to the new baby boy to get her to stop her uncontrollable sobbing.
So I ask the little Berzerker later if he turned down the marriage proposal because he was wanting to marry someone else ( I used another little girl's name that he likes to play with). He said, "No, I'm not marrying any girls!". When I asked again a few days later he said the same thing. I asked him why and he said, "Because I don't want to die". So in my house, if you get married, you will die. Then the six year old came up with a little song at dinner one night when we were having tacos that I'm trying to market to a dairy co-op. It's entitled, "Eat your cheese or you will die!" It is sung now every meal where we have cheese.
So basically, we teach the plan of Salvation, who we are, where we came from, why we are here, and where we are going at this point because in their minds death means getting married and not eating dairy.
My mother is dying -- heart failure. We've talked to our kids about it, and they're sad, but not distraught. My youngest (7) wants to talk about it the most, and prays for Grandma every night, and usually cries a little. I hug her and let her cry, and then she's okay. It will be interesting when grandma dies and we go to the funeral. I expect they'll all cry then.
I remember when I was little, maybe 9 or 10 going with my grandmother to visit my grandfather's grave and his headstone was also meant for my grandmother one day and so it already had her name on it. All that was missing was the date of her death. I remember asking her "Grandma doesn't it bother you that you already have a gravestone with your name on it?" Because it was creeping me out. And she said, "No, I take comfort that one day I will lay next your grandpa again one day." My mother in law on the other hand had no desire to have her name put on the headstone when Cat's father died. She decided to wait and have it done until she was actually gone. She didn't like the idea of her name on a grave somewhere already. My Dad already has his name on my mom's gravestone. We'll see if he actually ends up there or not. It depends on who dies first, him or my step-mother.
My parents died so closely together last spring that the headstone wasn't even finished yet when daddy passed away. So I called and had daddy's death date added before it was delivered to the cemetery. The owner of the busniness said... "Wow... we usually can at least get the stone in place for the first spouse before the second spouse joins them." All of Momma's info and Daddy's name and birth date was already on the stone when we had that conversation... but the entwined wedding rings that they had picked as a symbol of their eternal love had not been carved in the granite yet. Delivery was scheduled for the next week... They finished it with daddy death date, the rings and delivered it on time the following week.
That was a hard 5 weeks for all of us kids. We were happy for momma and daddy to be together and not encumbered with all of their health issues... We were happy for their reunion with our brother who preceeded them 3 years earlier... and after 71.5 years of marriage daddy really missed momma... but he also has cancer by that time and at 95 he didn't have any fight left. I believe he was just hanging on for momma, who didn't know any of us... He spent his days watching over her and letting my sister know when she kicked her covers off, started to choke, etc... After her big stroke she was completely incapasitated. Daddy took care of her from his bed as best as he could... till the very end. Then joined her 5 weeks later... Actually the experience of watching my parents endure to the end was one of the sweetest and most special of my life... Their relationship was one of the most tender and giving I have ever in my life witnessed. I miss them terribly, but I do not wish them back. They graduated... with HONORS!!!
I had the opposite experience that palmon did. My mom was 43 1/2 when she had me and from the time I was probably 8 I can remember her saying, "When I'm dead and gone, you're gonna... do XYZ," or I'll be sorry for this or that... something along those lines. I got so freakin' sick of it. Starting about 20 years ago I just answered, "Mom I've been hearing this since I was 8." I guess it did some kind of backfire than she was expecting. She'll probably live to be 100.
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Life is tough but it's tougher if you're stupid. -John Wayne
That's one of the things I'm afraid of. I'm approaching 40 (well only 3 years anyway, and they go so quickly!) and we haven't adopted yet, and my health ain't the greatest, so I'm rather worried about dying when my kid(s) are young. That's one of the reasons i want to pull our names from the adoption list when I hit 40.
Don't ask me how we got THERE.
