And the Lord said, "The Kingdom of Heaven is like unto 3x^2 + 9x +5." John turns to Peter and says, "I don't understand." Peter responds, "Oh, he's just teaching in parabolas."
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"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head." --Marge Simpson
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, "My Mommy looked back once, while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"
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The ability to qualify for, receive, and act on personal revelation is the single most important skill that can be acquired in this life. - Julie Beck
A businessman who needed millions of dollars to clinch an important deal went to church to pray for the money. By chance he knelt next to a man who was praying for $100 to pay an urgent debt.
The businessman took out his wallet and pressed $100 into the other man's hand. Overjoyed, the man got up and left the church.
The businessman then closed his eyes and prayed, "And now, Lord, that I have your undivided attention...."
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"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head." --Marge Simpson
A Home techer called to make an appointment. The phone rang and the family's little boy answered in a whisper. "Hello."
Home teacher: Is your Daddy there? Boy (whisper): Yes. Home teacher: Can I speak with him? Boy (whisper) He's busy. Home teacher: Is your mommy there? Boy (whisper): Yes. Home teacher: Can I speak with her? Boy (whisper) She's busy. Home teacher: Is there anyone there I could talk to? Boy (whisper) The fire department. Home teacher: The fire department! Boy (whisper) Yes, they're busy too. Home teacher: Is there anybody else there? Boy (whisper): The police department.. Home teacher: What, them too? Boy (whisper): Yep. But they're busy. Home teacher: Let me get this straight: your mother, your father, the fire department, and the police department are all in your house and they're all busy. What going on over there? Boy (whisper): Everyone's looking for me.
A Primary class was studying the Old Testament. When little Jill came home she said, "Daddy, there's something I don't understand about the Bible. Could I ask you a question?" "Of course sweetheart," said the father. "What is it?" "Well, the children of Israel built the temple, the children of Israel were slaves of Pharoah, the children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, the children of Israel got the ten commandments from Moses. I just wondered- didn't the grownups do anything?"
For all of the paleontologists who think that there weren't domesticated horses in the Americas until Spaniards brought them with Christopher Columbus, not only are horses mentioned in the Book of Mormon, but they were even named, and thus domesticated. How do we know this?
Spoiler
Why Nephi, of course. Wasn't he always saying "Whoa, Beuntoyou"?
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Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you.
— Oscar Wilde
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?" A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."
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The ability to qualify for, receive, and act on personal revelation is the single most important skill that can be acquired in this life. - Julie Beck
Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the People walked across safely. Then, he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved." "Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked. "Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"
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The ability to qualify for, receive, and act on personal revelation is the single most important skill that can be acquired in this life. - Julie Beck
