With how complicated our lives become and with all the hidden troubles and challenges in life, Is it possible to answer the question put to you by strangers or acquaintances, or even trusted friends, "How Are You?"
How do you answer that question? How are you?
Or do you just say, "I'm fine." ?
--Ray
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I'm not slow; I'm special. (Don't take it personally, everyone finds me offensive. Yet somehow I manage to live with myself.)
I usually say, "Super" or "Dandy." If I think they're going to ask me to do something I'll say, "Pretty good... (trailing off)..." or "I don't know yet. What do you want?"
When I know the answer is irrelevant to the asker, I'll say, Fine.
Sometimes I won't even answer, but say, "And how are YOU?" right off the bat.
Other people treat it like a "Hey" or "What's up?" to which I respond, "Hey, what's going on?" or "What's new with you?"
You don't want to burden everyone with your problems. That just makes you sort of a sucky person to be around, don't you think? Unless they really, really want to know. Which they usually don't. Save that for people who care.
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Life is tough but it's tougher if you're stupid. -John Wayne
Sometimes I lie. "I'm fine." Sometimes I honestly don't know. "Pretty good." Sometimes I know they're concerned. "I'm tired." Sometimes I am excited. "Great!" Sometimes I am seeing God's hand in my life. "Really good, actually." Usually, I just say, "Good."
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"The promptings of the Holy Ghost will always be sufficient for our needs if we keep to the covenant path. Our path is uphill most days, but the help we receive for the climb is literally divine." --Elaine S. Dalton
Right now, I'm able to justify the total lie "I'm fine", because the whole interaction is just a social convention, not intended to communicate anything about you, other than you are a human in certain 21st century cultures.
It's the human version of a dog's obligitory butt-sniff.
It all depends on what the other person is really asking, and if I'm in the mood to rehash everything or not.
One thing I learned on my mission is that we as Americans are pretty flippant in our conversations with each other... We ask "How are you?" or "How ya doing?" when in actuality we mean nothing more than a casual "Hi!". If you ask a German (particularly our generation or older) "How are you?" on the street, you are typically going to get a strange look, particularly if they don't know you, and then either be told to get lost or they will go down the laundry list of what is ailing them.
With all the health issues my family has faced over the past several years, and the fact we have an austistic child, I have gotten to the point I don't want to "spill my guts" to folks unless I know they are asking so that they can really help or be of service. It is quite stressful and burdensome to have to retell your story to everyone in the ward just because they are curious.
And then, there is the other side of it where you are afraid of burdening priesthood leaders by filling them in when it probably would be best to do so...
So, like I said... it all depends on what the other person is really asking, and if I'm in the mood to rehash everything or not.
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It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."
I try and always reply with "Fantastic" even if I don't feel that way. Why?
I learned this from a farmer friend. He always answered "Fantastic!" when I would ask him how he was doing. I learned it made me feel good to hear something so positive. Sorta rubbed off on me. He would go on to tell me sometimes that he woke up that morning which is Fantastic because some folks couldn't even manage that. He figured that if he made it that far he was going to have a Fantastic day.
So I started doing it too. Low and behold, if I was feeling down or out of sorts I would feel better when told someone enthusiastically that I was "Fantastic!". I watched their facial expression change as it rubbed off on them and they actually seemed to feel a little Fantastic themselves.
Have you ever just dumped a load of concerns on someone that asked "How are you?" and then felt bad about doing so? They look at you like you've broken some social law in stating your true feelings, when all they really wanted you to do was read off the cue card, "I'm fine."
--Ray
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I'm not slow; I'm special. (Don't take it personally, everyone finds me offensive. Yet somehow I manage to live with myself.)
One of my Dad's favorite things to do is when someone absentmindedly says, "Have a good day." He'll say, "Thanks, but I've got other plans." I think it really cheers people up.
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Life is tough but it's tougher if you're stupid. -John Wayne
FINE - Frustrated, Irritated, Neurotic, Exhausted. Feel free to substitute your own words.
One man I know once answered the How are you? question with "Compartmentalized. Great in some spots, weak in others."
I usually respond with something along the lines of "Breathing" People who don't care just say "well that's good." People who are genuinely concerned will usually continue the conversation and then I can choose how much to share.
If...that's if...I ask a question like that it is usually "How are you feeling?" Then they can say I'm tired, or stressed, or pumped or whatever. Just "how are you" implies more - like how is your life. Impossible to answer. I can share the burden of feeling tired without knowing all the details.
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"My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle."
It varies for me. In the olden days when I had no boundaries, I would answer a little too sincerely. nowadays I am so rote that sometimes I embarrass myself like this:
me: How are you? them: Fine, how are you? me: Fine, how are you?
It could go on forever if the other person didn't look at me like I'm an idiot. Which, in this case, I am.
I am typically pretty guarded, esp. up here in Idaho, because I know that most people don't REALLY want to know how I am.
I am typically pretty guarded, esp. up here in Idaho, because I know that most people don't REALLY want to know how I am.
I'm curious, Dyany, as to why you feel that way about "up here in Idaho" ? I'm too new to the area to be defensive or anything... I was just wondering.
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"The promptings of the Holy Ghost will always be sufficient for our needs if we keep to the covenant path. Our path is uphill most days, but the help we receive for the climb is literally divine." --Elaine S. Dalton
I usually say pretty good or fine. I often feel very good unless my ocd flares up.
I ask people, "How are you?" or "How's it going?" People will often respond, "It's going" to the latter.
I feel that if someone wants to know how I am going when I am going through trials or if my home circumstances are bad(very good at the moment) that they will ask me a specific and direct question that puts it in context.
I really wish there were a better way to greet people. I really do want to know, but I figure people think I am being formal. I also hate the question, "What's new?" I have been known to ask people that question though.
Is this a long explanation. Maybe I should have just stopped with, "I'm fine"
Well compared to Oklahoma, people here seem to have a much thicker 'facade'. No confrontation, no self-revelation, no negative talk. I mean you'll hear a little, but you can't just know someone casually and talk like that without negative consequences. That's been my experience, anyway.
"If I were any better, I'd be twins... O wait, maybe I am twins!"
I always get a smile out of that line.
-- Edited by Mahonri at 03:09, 2007-07-19
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no unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing... the truth of God will go forth till it has penetrated every website, sounded in every ear, till the purposes of God shall be accomplished and the great Jehovah shall say the work is done
