This is a source of a great deal of consternation in my wife's family, especially because certain family members have taken advantage of the grandparents a lot--to the point where one wonders why the parents of the children even bothered to have the children... There is a presumption on the part of those who impose upon their parents to watch their children that because they love and adore their grand children that they will watch them at any time, for any reason, and for any duration of time.
My parents tend to just say "No". :) My mother, in particular, likes to have a LOT of time to prepare and then afterwards to recooperate. (She'll sleep like a week after visiting my siblings, for example...)
The thing is, God gives us children when we're younger for a reason--a reason that many young parents do not fathom until they're old themselves. I see now, how my own children, even without doing much of anything, often exhaust my parents. THey are inquisitive, have been raised to do things according the rules in my house, and there are a whole new set of rules at each grandparent's house.
That said, next year, my inlaws have offered to come watch the children in our home while my wife and I go enjoy a little vacation. It will be the first time we've asked them to do so ever, and we've given them a year to prepare, and they've offered to do so in our home--so hopefully it's not to traumatic. I am already trying to prepare the children to respect and honor grandma and to mind her. I have one daughter who won't currently listen to a thing I or her mom says... she's in this insane five year old mode... I hope she's out of it by the time February rolls around... We have certain family and church friends who would watch our children for an extended period of time if our parents weren't willing... some of whom have expressed a desire to do so, and I trust them as well...
A part of me wishes I lived closer to my parents just so that my parents could SEE my children and how they're growing, but I'm also glad I don't live too close because frankly we like our space.
--Ray
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I'm not slow; I'm special. (Don't take it personally, everyone finds me offensive. Yet somehow I manage to live with myself.)
My parents live about 45 minutes away. They do babysit frequently. Sometimes I wonder if I'm taking advantage, but then I remember that I babysat my 6 younger brothers and sisters all the time from when I was 11 till I moved out. I figure it's payback time, and I've got a good 2 1/2 years left before I have to start feeling guilty.
(I also have brothers and sisters still at home who watch the kids for me too. The kids love their uncles.)
Grandparents used to babysit for us when they were alive and we lived in the same city. Our parents usually found it a pleasure to have the grandkids around.
But, it has been over 10 years since we have had that situation of even having grandparents in proximity.
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It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."
I think we only ever asked my in-laws to watch the kids once. They live about 45 minutes away and as of late seem to have little desire to see their own grandkids even though they are usually in town at least once a week. My mother lives too far away as does my dad. If my mom did live closer I have no doubt she would volunteer to watch the kids on occassion without any request from us.
Too bad we all can't be as outspoken as my mom without fear of hurting feelings. When she's not up to it, she flat out tells me. No biggie. If she's pissed cuz she hasn't seen the kids in too long, she tells me that, too.
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Life is tough but it's tougher if you're stupid. -John Wayne
My parents are gone. Wife's parents harbor child molestors and are unable or unwilling to protect innocents when given the chance. So, we live a state away, and 'temporarily adopt' grandparents from all over the place.
In 6 years, we've had 3 or 4 babysitting events - we just enjoy our kid's company too much to hand 'em over while we go off and do whatever.
I don't have kids, but if I did, they would go to friends before grandparents. My parents live 1700 miles away and hubby's parents...well, just no. And not just because hubby's brother the child molester frequently visits them. In the matter, however, I am glad we DON'T have kids because hubby would see the fact that I am completely unwilling to let his parents watch the kids as a huge insult.
We have lots of adopteds... many of them spent a significant amount of time as teens in our home... They are starting to have families now and they know we love to have their families here... but most of them have needed to move away, because this area is hard to make a good living in... when our adopted-grands do come to see us, and we like to help out. My kids are usually here to help entertain, "little people". Our favorite thing to do is stuff they don't get to do at home really often... like creating and chasing GIANT bubbles... the 17 yr old can really get a group of kids acting crazy doing this and it is so fun to watch them play on the patio... (I always try to keep bubbles on hand...)
We live in a rural area with a large open range to the east of us and it's perfect for kite flying or Frisbees... with the dog playing chase... then there is always archery for kids that are willing to follow rules... Unfortunately the town is encroaching on us, so the archery will someday be impossible, but my kids sure loved growing up being able to set up a range right out the front door whenever they wanted...
I remember how hard it was to even just go grocery shopping when my kids were young... But I was blessed to find a helping hand here and there... we were usually strapped, like most young families... We had a grandma type that lived 2 doors down from us that adopted US and used to watch the kids about once a month, when her own grands came... We also traded with other families in our wards some. Hubby's and my parents never really lived close enough, or had good enough health, when they did.
Because of the inherent problems associated with watching other people's kids... we choose to keep everyone busy "together" and outside/in the open... this has given those parents that don't know us as well, a way to feel more comfortable about our offers of help... (word gets around when you work at having a verifiable "safe place" to leave kids.) My kids are just as apt to help the kids we are watching create a musical farce to entertain each other with... or learn a new game in the open field... Can you believe some kids today have never played "red light-green light" or "freeze"???
A few weeks ago we popped a TON of popcorn, invited the kids from 4 families in our ward over for a giant movie night in our living room and sent all the parents on a "date" together for 2+ hours. My YSA kids even gave the parents 3-4 ideas of stuff to go do together if they wanted... Later we found out all the couples chose going over to the HS and walking laps around the track, just talking between spouses... then they all went and got .99 ice cream cones together. They had a great time... the kids got to see Cars with a bunch of other kids, and act really silly... and it cost VERY little, my YSA and teen kids cleaned up after, and we all basked in the joy of having invited a little piece of heaven into our home.
My inlaws often ask to take the kids. It is nice. We don't take advantage of them or do it very often. Maybe once every other month or less. My mom will occassionally play with the kids. She and my dad are gone a lot or really busy so they are generally only used for emergencies. We don't overuse them and if we do use them we try and be early to pick them up. I have seen people take advantage of the grandparents baby sitting service by leaving kids all day, late pickups, picking up at times other than promised, or just showing up to dump the kids. I can see why some grandparents say no to those folks.
even though they are usually in town at least once a week. My mother lives too far away as does my dad. If my mom did live closer I have no doubt she would volunteer to watch the kids on occassion without any request from us.
