Fun idea Ray. Some things will be redundant, but for good causes. Some are more counsel than commandments, but either way they are all some sort of diving guidance. I don't have the references, I'm not good at recalling those. I'm trying to avoid overcommittment right now, I have a couple plates waiting for me to tend to them. However, down the road, maybe I will try to "group" whatever we come up with into categories by specific commandment.

~ "If ye love me, keep my commandments" John 14:15

~ Magnify your calling

~ Go the second mile---AND BEYOND!!!

~ Serve God with all your heart, might, mind and strength

~Have an eye single to the glory of God

~ For the men: Make your wife happy and For the women: Make your husband happy/
basically putting your spouse above all others

~ Do not toss diapers in sacrament meeting! (if any don't know about this one, in Jana of Jade's ward, someone once tossed a diaper in sacrament meeting)

~ Go to the temple as often as you can

~ Have companion scripture study and prayer

~ strong suggestion? I realize these aren't the same as other commandments. per President Hinckley, one pair of earrings is sufficient. Also consel to not get a tattoo.

~ Parents are commandmed to teach their children to love one another and to serve one another. (Book of Mormon scripture, I'm too lazy to look up reference right now)

~ Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings

~ remember to do be anxiously engaged in a good cause and do many things of our own free will and bring to pass much rightousness, remember that the man who is commanded in all things is a slothful and not a wise servant

~ judge not so we are not judged

~ "Feed My Sheep"- do our visit teaching, love others in workplace, our families, neighbors, etc

~Be ye clean that bear vessels of the Lord

~ O Be Wise!

~ Bear one another's burdens, comfort those htat need comfort, mourn w/those that mourn, remember the Lord at all times, in all things, in all places from Mosiah 18:8-10

~ Don't ignore the plea of one who begs, from King Benjamin's talk

I get hung up on be perfect.... I can't ever get off that one, so I haven't started and any others yet...

 ~ Repent! Repent!! Repent!!! (this one should help Polly get past hers to join the fun... :)

-- Edited by rayb at 11:07, 2007-05-04

Ah!! They Book or Armaments with specific commandments on the use of the Holy Hand Grenade.

I think there are so many specific commandments because we are unable to govern ourselves that we have to be told each specific thing to do. The Savior gave only two commandments in his ministry. Just use those. Love the Lord and Love Your Neighbor. Tell me which commandment we would be missing if we just followed those two?

Good point there, Jason. Didn't the Savior say that upon these rest all the law and the prophets? And didn't the Savior also remind us in our dispensation that he who needs be commanded in all things is an unwise and slothful servant?

Now, I have no problem with reminders... sometimes, it would be nice if there weren't so many...

There must be doilies and hand-outs in Relief Society. And a nice centerpiece.

Refreshments are required for all activities. But no red/purple drinks, please! And the kitchen is not for preparing food...

Cocobeem wrote:

---

You can look at the menu but you just can't eat.
You can feel the cushions but you can't have a seat.
You can dip your foot in the pool but you can't have a swim.
You can feel the punishment but you can't commit the sin...

---

Is it Howard Jones, "No One Is To Blame"? 

We've had guitars in sac. mtg. Acoustic, only. Please provide reference or state when you're pulling something out of your... mid air.

Screw the Eagle Scout commandment.

I think the ban on certain instruments is way too anal.

Guilty as charged!!!

11 year old scouts can only meet twice a month.

A father can not sleep in the same tent as his son on a scout campout.

One should only take the sacrament with his/her right hand. Likewise the tray should only be handled by the right hand.

EQ members can not be teamed up with AP youth for hometeaching assignments, unless it is their own son, even if it would mean it would end up being more efficient and more of the Elders would do their hometeaching rather than thinking their companion is going to set up appointments and take the lead -- in other words, you only have two complex schedules to deal with instead of three.

There are many others I could think of where stuff gets turned into defacto policy where it is not really based on anything but tradition that started as the result of some hard headed local auxillary or priesthood leader and their individual opinion / interpretation / preference.

I could go on, but it isn't worth it...

So does my 17 yo son.  He is partnered with his YM's Pres, who is a youngiish Elder... mid 20s, young married, no kids yet. (Course Son2 also goes with HP-hubby sometimes cause hubby's partner is very elderly and more than a little unavailable with end of life health issues right now.)

"A father can not sleep in the same tent as his son on a scout campout."



What the heck kinda' ward are you livin' in??? 

-Reduce the number of meetings you have.
-Family comes first.
-Attending many meetings is not a sign of righteousness.
-Long prayers are not necessary to open or close any meeting.
-Testimony time is not a time for you to give a talk or pontificate on your pet peeve or the failings of others.
-Testimonies and talks are not the place to talk about the love of your cat and your fond hopes of having said cat with you in the eternities.
-Only white shirts for passing the sacrament.
-If your child cries, take it out.
-The mother's room is for nursing, not the front row in the chapel.
-Cheerioes are forbidden food in the chapel, getting all those crumbs up is a pain.
-Don't sneeze on the sacrament tray.
-Don't over fill the baptismal font, they don't always have an overflow drain.
-Flush the toilet after your little one leaves a 2 pound loaf in the toilet.
-Place smelly diapers in Walmart bags before placing them in the trash can.
-Teachers (AP) shall clean the gunk out of the hose for filling the water sacrament trays at least once a month.
-The financial clerk is not a babysitter when you have to meet with the bishop after church.
-Testimonies are for faith building and standing for what you believe, not telling people about how much you think your life sucks, nor are they for public confessions of sin, looking for apartments, telling us sinners that we will perish in the floods, nor that aliens are coming.
-Your opinions are not Gospel, just because you do it one way, does not mean someone else should.
-Thou shalt not tell others how to raise their own children.
-Thou shalt not look evilly at those children who sometimes make noise in sacrament, kids do that.
-When bearing testimony and crying so much so that all anyone hears is "ajfosajtlohasoifha;ktlty", please, be courteous and sit down, no one is getting anything out of it at all, including yourself.
-No one wants to hear your latest cool ring tone in sacrament, turn it off.
-If you eat candy in sacrament, unwrap the little wrapper before, no one else needs to know that you are eating candy.
-If there is a meeting after church, bring your own food and don't stare at another's and complain that it is unfair that you don't have anything. Remember about preparedness.
-If the SHTF and you don't have the needed items or a mob just stole your food, don't run to the house of the guy you thought was nuts for storing everything and had a firearm.
-It is your responsibility to watch your children if you want to talk after church, not mine to shepherd them around the parking lot or primary after church is over.
-Thou shalt not blame the bishopric for catching you and asking you to give a talk and then make a joke out of it. They are not funny, we've heard them all.
-If no one laughs at your wise crack in a talk in sacrament, it probably was only funny to you.
-If you need to leave early, sit in the back.
-Shooting limbs out of a tree at church with a shotgun is a perfectly legitimate way of pruning them.
-Women shall not wear tight shirts in sacrament, it is distracting to the bishopric.
-Women shall not wear tight shirts when giving talks, it is distracting to the teen boys, elders, missionaries, high priests, investigators.
-Silent, deadly farts in sacrament detract from the sacredness.
-If your baby has deposited brownies in its diaper, please, take the little baker out and empty the pan.
-Playing the flute in sacrament is unnerving and makes you think of American Pie.

-- Edited by Valhalla at 10:18, 2007-05-14

-- Edited by Valhalla at 10:24, 2007-05-14

I like the meetings rules Val listed. I only wish they were followed. I think there are way too many meetings held. Up until recently, my elder's quorum president was making me drive into town for weekly presidency meetings. A lot of times I just sat in a chair and chatted with him while he worked on the computer in the clerk's office. I used to get bitter then I realized he's a young guy and still learning.

Ohhh, meetings are a massive pet peeve to me. As I said in that Romney thread, I would rather polygamy than attend another meeting!

Meetings make me claustraphobic, I feel trapped, that I cannot escape. I firmly believe that all meetings could be cut, time-wise, by a half or even by 2/3s. Bishopric meetings are unnecessarily long, unless there is a big issue. Welfare meetings, other than a few things, people could just think back to the last several meetings, rehash that in their minds, nothing has changed, the same problems still exist, the only way they will change is if certain people move out.

Additional commandments:

-Cut all meeting times by at least 50% in duration.
-Eliminate Sunday school (Gospel doctrine is a very frustrating class).
-90% of welfare meeting problems can be solved by moving 1-3% of the people out of the unit.
-Thou shalt not move residence and expect the Elder's quorum to help more than once in a 2 year period.
-Don't be a caffeine nazi, the WoW does not bar Pepsi, like all else, MODERATION.
-When asked to put up chairs after church or an activity, it includes all, including YOU.
-Sacrament music directors must understand that the congregation is not MO TAB and will not always sing in unison, on key, or even the right song and some still You Who unto Jesus!
-Singing a solo for the half-time song in sacrament is not the time to try out your Whitney Houston vocal acrobatics.
-Home teaching stats can be improved by just moving people out, clean up the membership roles.
-It is the parent's job to provide their child's food on a camp out, not mine.
-It is home making, not enrichment!
-It is splits, not team-ups.
-"No", is a perfectly acceptable answer.
-If you are called as a nursery leader, you may participate in snack time.
-Just because one has a mini-van does not mean it is their job to provide a taxi service for activities.
-If your little one is a mama's boy or girl and cannot stand to be away from you for primary or nursery, it is YOUR problem to deal with, not the primary presidency's.
-When coming to a ward social/dinner and you have 6 kids, bring enough for six kids, not a single box of macaroni or a bowl of corn.
-When at a ward dinner/social, you are responsible for your children's behavior, not me to stop them from screaming and running down the hall or dodging in between tables.
-When at a ward dinner/social, do not let you little commando squad raid the table of every last chocolate frosted brownie for some to take home, others would like some as well.
-When at a ward dinner/social, shepherd your crumb crunchers when getting food.
-When at a ward dinner/social, tell your teens to let others eat as well, this is not Wang's all you can eat buffet.
-Sisters, when at a ward dinner/social, just slop it on your plate and move so others can eat, no one cares that you are eating, that is the reason you are there, no need to pick through or take a tiny portion of each dish.
-Santa Claus is not evil, it is okay to have him at the ward Christmas party, just keep the proper perspective, don't be a grinch.
-Boot your kid in the head if they lock a stall in the bathroom and then crawl under to escape.
-Just because there is a basketball in the gym does not mean that a pick-up game must automatically ensue.
-When your 4-5 year old girl needs to answer nature's call, let her use the women's restroom, not the men's, she does not need that much education yet.
-If some teen boy thinks it funny to annoy people or flick someone's ear, it is okay to throw a jujitsu move on them and place them in an arm lock.
-Mothers, no matter how much of a little angel you think your kid is, they are proportionately that much of a stinker.
-If your child is a smart alec to their teacher, take care of it.
-During Sunday school, foyers are for high priests to sit and chat.
-Sunday is not the time for entering home-teaching and visiting teaching stats, the clerks need the computer, not you.
-When the phone rings in the hall, I am not your messenger service to find little Tommy.
-The library shall be open on Sunday during Sunday school and primary times.
-Clerks do not accept tithing envelopes.
-Using a BB gun to shoot down helium balloons from a carnival in the gym works quite well.
-Primaries of different units shall equally share the closet space.
-Pick the first piece of bread off the sacrament tray you touch, don't root around for the non-crust pieces.
-The bishopric shall give at least a two week notice when asking someone to give a talk.
-Your food storage is your responsibility for you and your family, if you come looking for mine, I also have ammo storage. You have been warned. We will not all be gathering at church to pool resources when it all goes south.

-- Edited by Valhalla at 10:16, 2007-05-15

-- Edited by Valhalla at 10:17, 2007-05-15

-- Edited by Valhalla at 10:20, 2007-05-15

-- Edited by Valhalla at 10:24, 2007-05-15

-Thou shalt be of good cheer.
-Thou shalt cease to seek finding fault with others.
-Thou shalt cease being a stuffed shirt.
-Thou shalt be more than merely tolerant of the quirks in others.
-Thou shalt find healthier outlets for thy stress than getting irked at thy brethren and sisteren. Since a game of pickup in the gym is frowned upon, tag team wrestling or dodgeball with the YM is an acceptable alternative.
-Thou shalt not assume that everyone is an "insider" into announcements that are only made once or twice and then to a limited audience (e.g. the ward council and relatives).
-Thou shalt cease to assume that everyone lives by a Franklin planner or an MS Outlook Calender and thinks like middle management in a Fortune 500.
-Thou shalt cease to think that since it is mentioned on the ward's website, everyone is aware of the event.
-Thou shalt give ample time for the peanut gallery in EQ to razz new instructors, the EQ presidency, each other, and make otherwise meaningful comments during EQ each and every Sunday.
-Thou shalt cease to condemn quorum members who fall asleep in EQ, as they are following their EQ president's lead.
-Ye choir directors shall arrange babysitting for more than their own offspring if thou desireist people who actually know how to sing and have kids to show up for choir practice. Offering food alone shall not provide a choir director justification or sanctification, for this weeks performance or the one yet to be scheduled. Yea, verily, food alone shall be likened unto giving children the key to the candy store without supervision...
-Thou shalt set tables and chairs up at a ward dinner in such a manner that people can get up and move around. Knocking people into their plates as you try to scooch through is bad form, and in certain cultures insulting when the main dish is not spaghetti.
-Thou shalt cease helping thyself to stuff in the library just because thou hast a key, nor shalt thou loan said key to others so they may help themself. Thou has been warned and forewarned that the only ones who are given open access to the library are the librarians, the bishopric, and early morning seminary teachers. Note, this does not include YM or YW presidencies, Primary Presidencies, teachers, full-time missionaries, or any ward member who just happens to have a key they didn't turn in. There is a reason why it is kept locked and access is limited. There is also a reason why the photocopier access code is not posted above the copier and why no more than a ream of paper is kept in the library at a time.
-Thou shalt not copy music upon the meetinghouse's copy machine unless the sheet music states it is okay. Period.
-Thou shalt not donate thy old obscure out of print church books / magazines / videos / semi-related LDS type things to the library by simply dumping a box off when the meetinghouse librarian is not around. Chances are if you no longer have use for them, neither does the ward.
-Thou shalt cease to whine that thy son is not advancing in Scouts if thou as a parent are not attending committee meeting and are falsely assuming that the purpose of Scouts is to ensure your son "has got his Eagle" by the time he turns 14.

Val: You can have lust in your eyes for your wife, but most of the time it only annoys her... at least that's my experience.

--Ray

Sometimes timing may be working against you guys, just for a heads up. (he he-- Ahem.)

Example- The Victoria's Secret commercial just ended and you're in the mood. Maybe you don't make the connection, but we do.

Or you've just been outside talking to the non-garment wearing neighbor who is 15 years younger than you and loves to hear your advice. Don't even think about it.


You get my drift?

Ahem...

Could we keep the level of innuendo low, please.

Dang. I was finally learning something...

--Ray

My vote for most entertaining thread this week.

-Thou shalt employ a seperately keyed lock for the inner sanctum of the outbuilding where the scout equipment is kept from the outer door of said outbuilding, and each scoutmaster / cubmaster may be assigned one of the two keys, but neither both.
-When thou signest up to cleanest the meetinghouse, thou shalt take more time and dilligence in straightening, cleaning, dusting, vacuuming, and mopping than thou doest in preparation for thy hometeachers to visit thy own home.
-Thou shalt end thy preaching and remove thyself no later than ten minutes before class time is over from a classroom that is designated a YW room for 3rd hour in the Sunday Block if thou art a mere Sunday School teacher lest thou facest the wrath of a YW presidency member / advisor who has not the time to sissify the room up...
-If thou art single or single married and chooseth to sit in the back of the chapel on the edge of a row, thou shalt not take offense if late arriving families with children crawl over you repeatedly as they join in the meeting and go in and out with children.
-Thou shalt retrieve and return hymnals, toys, books, bottles, pieces of food, articles of clothing, and assorted blunt objects that young children toss into the air in their exuberance to be within the pews of the faithful to their proper owner without taking offense that thou wast smacked in the back of the head with a slobbery hand by the toddler trying to get your attention.
-When it is time to singeth, thou shalt singeth, even if thou singeth not goodeth. Thy baddeth singething maketh the goodeth singers to singeth loudereth. And forgetteth not, if thou art righteous, even if thou can not holdeth a note in a bucket, thy songeth shall riseth as a prayer unto The Lord (along with the prayers of those who can singeth that thou couldst singeth bettereth!)